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Original poster

Partner won't accept my ASD child and I'm pregnant with his child

110 replies

Itsme223 · 14/08/2022 22:54

Hi everyone

I'm in a really difficult situation and I don't know what to do for the best. I am pregnant with my partners child and have moved into his house with my son who has ASD. He is non verbal but makes lots of noises all day, cant follow instructions and is generally in his own world. My partner can't deal with this and we have had arguments upon arguments and I moved back home only to move back again after him apologising saying he will work on accepting my child etc etc. We have had so many discussions about how it makes me feel, how my Son doesn't mean to behave the way he does etc everything is ok for a few days then my partner can't handle it again. We have just had the same chat we keep having where he tells me he can't handle it and I don't know what I should do. I have tried taking him out, my partner has tried going out but as soon as he is back he just gets so frustrated with my son I end up on edge and uncomfortable.

I really feel like I am left with no choice but to move home with my Son because the whole situation is seriously affecting my mental health and I can't convince my partner to deal with it any better. I think this is the only solution and I think deep down I know this but I keep trying for the sake of my unborn child to make it work with my partner. Im really down about the whole situation.

OP posts:
PickAChew · 14/08/2022 23:23

You shouldn't prioritise this cockwad over your son. Or any cockwad.

ladydimitrescu · 14/08/2022 23:30

Get out of that house with your poor son. He doesn't deserve to live there and be treated that way.

user1477391263 · 14/08/2022 23:32

I don't know how far along you are, but is ending the pregnancy an option? Trying to cope with a non verbal child and a baby alone is not going to be easy. And this relationship is not going to last, let's be honest; if you don't end it, he will, sooner or later.

Sorry to sound harsh, but you sound awfully naive. You wanted to be a "happy family," after getting pregnant with a man who at the time was not only not married to you, but not even living with you?

Catlover1970 · 14/08/2022 23:38

I think l’d terminate

HowcanIhelp123 · 14/08/2022 23:38

I'm afraid another one for dump the man, keep the baby if you want to.

You say staying for your unborn child but can you not see how damaging the dynamic will be for both children? Your unborn child will see the way their brother is treated, the favouritism. You need to protect all parties involved and split and stay split. No going back again when he promises to change. I can't imagine this moving in and out will be good for your sons routine and your unborn child will find it much easier if the seperated parents is their normal from birth rather than splitting and back together again.

CandyLeBonBon · 14/08/2022 23:40

Nope. Bad situation op. Leave him.

Dotcheck · 14/08/2022 23:42

What a horrible situation for your child 😔

Northernlassie1974 · 14/08/2022 23:47

Serious question, how would he cope if the child you are carrying also has ASD? For the sake of the child you already have, but also for your unborn child, you need to move out.

newfriend05 · 14/08/2022 23:57

MbatataOwl · 14/08/2022 23:13

Why would you live in and get pregnant by a man that does not like your child?

Seriously, why did you do that?

This

Geppili · 15/08/2022 00:07

What @Northernlassie1974 said.

HikingforScenery · 15/08/2022 00:16

So sorry @Itsme223 . What a difficult situation.
If he’d never been around it, civstsnt stiing can be very challenging to deal with. When the swimming gets too much fi RV hun, he could leave the room, for example.

I agree with pp about accessing autism awareness courses for him. Is there anything he can do with your DS to help them bond?

Autism can be pretty challenging to those who are not used to it.

All the best to you and your family, including with your new addition.

DumpedByText · 15/08/2022 00:59

I can't believe you're asking this question, you need to leave him and put your son first!

EmmiJay · 15/08/2022 01:06

My DD is autistic and I've always said, any man who comes into my life has to respect and accept her for who she is or he can kick rocks. I'm guessing you probably ignored the red flags in his treatment towards your son? Hes shown you who he is so believe him and leave. Also, please stop moving your child back and forth, it can upset their routine. Good luck

Emmelina · 15/08/2022 01:06

Unless it has been a very fast moving relationship, he should have had plenty of time to get used to your autistic child and his difficulties long before you moved in together. Which tells me he isn’t going to get used to anything. Keep the baby if you desire, but the man is a bad fit.

CatsandFish · 15/08/2022 02:51

pannikin · 14/08/2022 23:15

I think you know you need to leave. How far along you? As the parent of an autistic child (one of the reasons I chose not to have anymore - my existing child wouldn't cope with another child), I would also be reconsidering the pregnancy. Otherwise you are tied to this awful man for another 18 years.

How far along you? As the parent of an autistic child (one of the reasons I chose not to have anymore - my existing child wouldn't cope with another child), I would also be reconsidering the pregnancy. Otherwise you are tied to this awful man for another 18 years.

Agreed with this. One would think if you got pregnant you'd terminate simply based on the fact you have a very disabled child that needs your attention and you obviously therefore can't afford to have another. It would also mean you could get away from your partner completely with no ties to him. I would not ever want to see him again and if you have this child he will be in your life (and therefore your son's life) forever. Please consider terminating for your own benefit and your son's benefit.

MsDogLady · 15/08/2022 02:52

Itsme, I would not subject my child to this man’s contempt for one more minute. Not only will he be traumatized, but your younger child will also be damaged by the disparity in how they are treated.

CJsGoldfish · 15/08/2022 03:21

He doesn't like your child yet you decided to have a baby with him. Nothing anyone says is going to change that so not sure what you want to hear.
Why would you tie yourself to someone like that forever? Why?

GettinPiggyWithIt · 15/08/2022 03:55

Emmelina · 15/08/2022 01:06

Unless it has been a very fast moving relationship, he should have had plenty of time to get used to your autistic child and his difficulties long before you moved in together. Which tells me he isn’t going to get used to anything. Keep the baby if you desire, but the man is a bad fit.

To be fair autism is a very hard condition to live with especially when the child is nonverbal. My son was and it’s extremely tough.

GettinPiggyWithIt · 15/08/2022 04:01

OP I had my tubes tied when my son got his diagnosis because I knew that neither he or I would cope with another child especially if they turned out to be autistic too.

I think that it was quite a radical thing to do really but dealing with autism is so difficult and you need to really protect your son especially with situations which heighten anxiety: Honestly, if anything happened with my marriage, I don’t think I would be shacking up with anybody else.

Why on earth did you get pregnant with this man? Your existing child comes first always

GordonBennetttt · 15/08/2022 05:12

Herejustforthisone · 14/08/2022 23:22

How pregnant are you?

My thoughts too.

Op, are you going to leave him? I think you absolutely should.

He sounds disgusting tbh.

KyaClark · 15/08/2022 05:47

You're only thinking you should leave because of the impact the situation has on your mental health. You're not thinking about your son.

Put him first.

OperaStation · 15/08/2022 06:21

clpsmum · 14/08/2022 23:04

Omfg why on earth did you move in with him and plan a family with him. You need to put the child you already have first

This. OP you need to make better life choices.

passport123 · 15/08/2022 06:27

Why on earth did you get pregnant with this man? Is it early enough to have a termination?

rainbowstardrops · 15/08/2022 06:47

He must have been around your son plenty of times before you moved in with him surely? Was he ok with him then?
How long have you been together?

random9876 · 15/08/2022 06:53

I am so sorry op, what an awful situation to be in. I also think you need to leave.