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Original poster

Boyfriend angry at me for booking a trip ....

123 replies

clappal · 14/08/2022 11:12

I surprised him this morning with a city break for Valentine's Day to Paris.
I've always wanted to go and thought it would be a lovely weekend away.
He's angry at me for not discussing it and said it's because I'm "selfish " "only child syndrome"

I honestly didn't do it to be bossy or over bearing..I just wanted to do something nice.
I've paid for flights /transfers /hotel so it's not like I'm asking for anything from him.

Should I have asked him first rather than surprising him?

OP posts:
WillPowerLite · 14/08/2022 11:29

And yes, take a friend to Paris and have fun! It will be lovely.

Skelligsfeathers · 14/08/2022 11:31

Oh my god. Life is just too short. Do you want to look back when you're old and think about how much LIFE you have wasted. This is literally your only turn.
Dump him and move on and live a lovely, fun, rich life without this deadweight dragging you down.

Whatwouldscullydo · 14/08/2022 11:31

Well to be fair I'd hate this kind if surprise too.

Maybe id have planned my holiday days off for work for something else.

Maybe I'd not be able to get that day off.

Maybe I wouldn't have enough money to be able to enjoy the trip

Etc

So that alone doesn't make him a dick.

The moaning all the time etc would make him a dick though. Stuff that. Take a friend instead.

Honeyroar · 14/08/2022 11:32

This is a wake up call. Use it! You’ve got six months to find someone much more fun to take to Paris. Paris is not somewhere you go with a grumpy, whining boyfriend.

diamondpony80 · 14/08/2022 11:32

What a dickhead! And lying in bed all day playing Fifa, watching Netflix and playing games on his phone? You can do better. This is not a life you want for yourself.

category12 · 14/08/2022 11:34

He's sounds like a miserable bastard - what do you see in him?

Reckon you could do better.

ilyx · 14/08/2022 11:34

I wouldn’t like it if my DP booked a trip like this without telling me only because we basically share our money so it should be discussed together, but if your situation is different and you’re just paying for it he sounds pretty ungrateful.

ChsmpagneWannaBe · 14/08/2022 11:37

Is this the future you want?

mummymeister · 14/08/2022 11:39

clappal · 14/08/2022 11:19

We have been together 2 years now and live together.
It's not just travel -it's anything
If it's a nice day and I suggest a walk to the beach or a pub lunch ..he will scrunch his face and suggest staying in to watch Netflix or play games on his phone

....and you are with him because?? this is only going to get worse and worse. thank goodness you dont have children because all the responsibility would fall to you. dont stay any longer with him. eventually you are going to leave so better make it sooner than later.

Marluuu · 14/08/2022 11:41

I’m 100% with you, OP. It’s not like he has to cancel plans or rearrange work for a short-notice surprise. if it’s for Valentines Day, that’s in 6 months time?? Surely it won’t cause him too many troubles to make that work. And also, even if my partner had booked something for me which I unfortunately couldn’t make or is really inconvenient, I’d still appreciate the gesture and thank him (and then maybe propose to move the date, or him taking someone else). But talking to you like he did is out of order imo.

liveforsummer · 14/08/2022 11:42

I think it's a bit unfair to be calling him all these names. He certainly isn't what I'd look for in a partner. I love to travel and get out and do things but then I wouldn't be with someone who found this a drag and definitely wouldn't have made it to 2 years when it's a regular pattern. It's simply a compatibility issue. There are other homebody's out there who would love to stay home and watch Netflix with him and be content with that. I have neighbours who literally never leave unless it's to go to work. Their curtains are always closed. They are obviously just well matched.

FinallyHere · 14/08/2022 11:44

If it's a nice day and I suggest a walk to the beach or a pub lunch ..he will scrunch his face and suggest staying in to watch Netflix or play games on his phone

Why bother with someone like this. Don't wait til he has sucked the joy out of everything you your life.

Set the bar for what you want for yourself much, much higher

Sparkletastic · 14/08/2022 11:46

Please dump him. You deserve so much better.

redskyatnight · 14/08/2022 11:47

I would hate someone organising something like this without discussing it with me first. Particularly as you've made it clear it's something you want to do, rather than him, and as it's for Valentine's Day, it's not easy for him to say you should go with a friend or something instead.

Doesn't matter that your or loads of people on the internet think it's a nice suggestion. it's not something he wants - and you've clearly been with him long enough to know that he likes to talk about things in advance.

Believeinyou · 14/08/2022 11:48

you don't sound compatible to
me and there's the problem - yes he was a knob about it but it sounds like a treat for you rather than him as it's the sort of thing you want to do and he really doesn't

this is a wake up call to find a partner who's on the same wavelength as u

toooldtocarewhoknows · 14/08/2022 11:51

Just say to him in a breezy way, 'don't worry about it, I can see it's stressing you out. If you can't face it by X date I'll ask Y to come with me instead'.

He might not be a spontaneous sort, he might need a bit of time to come around to the idea.

I'm not spontaneous with holidays. I mentally need to plan and visualise so I sort of get it. Luckily both me and my husband like holidays and like planning, my husband is OCD and will show me the journey on Google maps with the itinerary and pictures. So there aren't any surprises.

My autistic sister always says an unwanted surprise is called a shock.

What I'd need is the pressure taken off me so I could mentally plan out the trip with a bit of help from Google. Then I'd enjoy it.

You've done a really nice thing, this isn't you, but it sounds like it isn't within his comfort zone right now. It will be.

yellowsmileyface · 14/08/2022 11:55

It sounds like you're not very compatible. You should be with someone who's more fun loving and spontaneous.

I would consider this a wakeup call regarding the relationship. You did a lovely, generous thing and even if he isn't a fan of surprises, there's absolutely no need to respond with such hostility. He should recognise that you did a nice thing.

Sounds like he'd be miserable company for a trip to Paris anyway.

Mariposista · 14/08/2022 11:59

He sounds vile OP. Get rid of him, take a friend or your mum/sister/cousin on the trip and look forward to a better relationship with an actual man, not a child.

hotfroth · 14/08/2022 12:00

What an ungrateful bastard. Don't waste any more of your life on this joyless fun-sucking dementor.

Dump him, and take a friend with you to Paris, or find a lovely new and appreciative boyfriend to go with.

Luredbyapomegranate · 14/08/2022 12:03

Imagine what it will be like to live with this man in 40 years

He’s only going to get worse.

Dump, and take a mate

minticecreamisjustok · 14/08/2022 12:04

He's so miserable, he doesn't appreciate it and wouldn't do the same for you. I think you could do better, even living your life on your own doing things you want to do would be better than staying with this kill joy.

SavingsThreads · 14/08/2022 12:13

Call his bluff and cancel it/ go with someone else. Bet he's just complaining to out you down.

Oh, and then leave him.

autienotnaughty · 14/08/2022 12:14

The fact that he's not keen is fair enough. Some people like surprises some don't . He shouldn't have to pretend to be happy. But his reaction and the way he spoke to you is really shitty. Firstly he would not be getting an invite now and secondly I'd be thinking hard if this was what I wanted long term. Two years is still fairly new and u hasn't mentioned kids so assume your child free, if this is him now imagine 10/15 years from now. And if u do choose to have a family it would not be acceptable fir him to be on Netflix/gaming all time . Are you confident he will step up?

HundredMilesAnHour · 14/08/2022 12:15

You sound totally incompatible. Why are you together? Fear of being alone?

I must admit that Paris for Valentine's sounds cheesy and tacky and I'd be mortified. But his problem sounds more like he doesn't want to leave home full stop.

Call it a day and find someone who enjoys doing things with you instead.

Bubbafly · 14/08/2022 12:23

Awwhh you must have been so disappointed with his reaction. What a miserable and ungrateful so and so.