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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP - what to make of this?

105 replies

gtttti · 13/08/2022 20:49

I live with DP and recently sold my house. I’m 5 months pregnant and when over for a couple of weeks to begin to sort the house with packing, not major m just generally bag things up and get boxes ready. It’s around an hour from where me and DP live.

I asked him to come over for the long weekend so we could spend time together rather than having two weeks apart. He turned up last weekend completely miserable and really late, like 9:30 so we didn’t have dinner together. Saturday arrives and I felt horrendous and turned out I had covid, he had it too but no symptoms. Instead of going out and sorting food or helping, he suggested he would head back to our home and come back in a day or so ie Sunday or Monday (he had the Monday off). I said I would rather he stayed as I was feeling awful and worried about the night time getting worse with breathing. He stayed begrudgingly.

The following day, Sunday, he woke up and said the bed was uncomfortable and the house was a bit cold and that he hasn’t slept well. I said I was sorry and that it was probably because the bed was unfamiliar and I said I felt like that when I first stayed at his place. It did feel a bit insulting though… I wouldn’t dream of commenting like that when I was at his but then I suppose we are further on in the relationship now so maybe it’s ok he’s being honest.

Later on Sunday I felt much better and we went for a walk but he was very off with me and kept saying he would have to leave around 7 as he had work to catch up on. I called him late Sunday to say goodnight and he was absolutely plastered and I had to hang up after I’m ashamed to say swearing at him an saying he was awful partner after such an awful weekend and then going off to drink. he was so drunk he wasn’t making much sense. He does drink a lot but always seemed to be able to say no too, so I have no idea why he effectively cut our weekend short to go and drink under the guise of needing to catch up on work.

I knew he was like this to some extent - ie when we first started dating it was very much around him and his schedule and because I could work from home I didn’t mind much and did most of the driving and so on. I thought as time went on and especially now I’m pregnant he would be a bit more mature.

Since the weekend he’s commented that I was awful for getting angry and saying unkind things like he was a shit partner and awful to me (which I did say) and how dare I do that. No awareness that he made me feel worthless all weekend and that he turned into a moody child when I asked if he could please be supportive with the fact I needed to be in the house for a couple of weeks.

are pregnancy hormones making me overreact here? I feel a unsure. He’s fine when we are together at his and maybe it was a big ask and unnecessary to ask him to come over. I was ok by myself and not lifting anything huge, just clothes etc and general sorting.

OP posts:
Geppili · 14/08/2022 23:56

He is an alcoholic. Avoids driving and most importantly, his primary relationship is with booze. So he could drink with you, but he prefers to drink alone because drink is his greatest need and love.

Ilovemycat1 · 15/08/2022 09:47

gtttti · 13/08/2022 21:26

The ridiculous part is that he’s a GP so presumably spends his time caring for people day to day! Maybe he gets fed up with it at home too I don’t know

Hes 39 and a GP so you assumed largely incorrectly that he would be a good one

I can assure you most male medics I know are vile

gtttti · 15/08/2022 09:48

Ilovemycat1 · 15/08/2022 09:47

Hes 39 and a GP so you assumed largely incorrectly that he would be a good one

I can assure you most male medics I know are vile

@Ilovemycat1 yes I think I did assume that to some extent. Is that true in your experience? Makes me feel a bit better tbh!

OP posts:
Ilovemycat1 · 15/08/2022 09:51

How did you meet him?
Whats his relationship history?

Ilovemycat1 · 15/08/2022 09:57

@gtttti

Without giving my job title away - I am in the profession

Any male medic my friends and I have met on dating apps have been particularly bad

My friend escaped from one earlier this year who was an alcoholic and has just been sacked
I was involved with one a couple of years ago - he regularly drunk a bottle of wine per night as was probably also an alcoholic
Another I know uses the apps to 'get pussy' from 'desperate woman' who is a medic in his late thirties - on every dating app around (39)

I know another medic locally who is now in jail for sexually assaulting woman

So alcoholics perverts and entitled brata is my expierence of the never settled down late 30s single male medics - so you are bang on trend

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