FURIOUS my mum cut my sons hair...then lied about it!

[Thewompingwillow]

Background: I have a 14mo LB who has beautiful long blonde curly hair, it really is gorgeous, typical beachy / wild child look. Both his dad and I agreed we wouldn't have it cut until much older, it was fairly long in the fringe but not bothering him or affecting his vision.

I have a bad relationship with my mum at the best of times as she has a habit of breaking boundaries and doing absolutely abhorrent ridiculous stuff that you could never imagine doing to your own child. I didn't have a relationship with her for years until my son was born and I thought I would give her chance to have a relationship with her only grandchild, up until now it was going well and she seemed to be really trying hard. She had made a few remarks about DS hair but I had explained all of the above.

She looked after him for an hour today while I had an appointment. I got home and first thing I say is "you have cut his hair". It is glaringly obvious as his fringe is now above his eyebrows on one side and completely straight. She denies it and says "I would never do that, I know how much it means to you". I tell her I can obviously see its been cut and she continues to deny it. When she leaves I go to look at the kitchen scissors and find them covered in hair clippings. I then look in the bin and find the clumps of hair. I then notice my son is missing curls from the back of his head and has a bald patch where some curls have been cut off at the scalp.

I'm so upset. I was the only one in my family with curly hair so no one knew how to manage it properly and I hated it. I can now look after mine beautifully and look after my sons beautifully too, his hair is very precious to me. His first haircut was the last milestone card we had left to complete and now that has been taken from me! She even threw the hair in the bin! I presume she has kept the curls for herself. I feel so betrayed by her. We have sent her proof but she is still denying it. I'm so astounded!

This is honestly terrible. I am so sorry. She sounds like such a control freak and you have every right to be annoyed.

Well, she's earned your mistrust all over again and needs to know that.

That's horrible, I'm really sorry OP. What would you like to do moving forward? NC, serious chat or LC maybe?

Well you have her a chance. She's got form for pushing boundaries and she's pushing them again.

I wouldn't be giving her any more chances.

It might be time to distance yourselves again. Devious, dishonest, manipulative... not really traits you want in a grandparent. Obviously hair grows back but I can totally understand why you're upset

Stop being so hysterical. It will grow back.

Your mum was doing you a favour baby sitting.

Give it three weeks and the hair will grow back.

If there's a bald patch then it sounds as if he got glue in it or something which she cut out, rather than her cutting it to style it differently tbh. Or your son tried to cut it himself and she had to intervene.

Sorry op but I can see why your mum lied given your level of over reaction. It really isn't the end of the world.

I would be upset at the obvious lies. It's bad enough that she chose to do it. However, the lying after would be the biggest problem for me.

I'm not minimising your upset about a first cut, but the total disrespect of you both as parent would mean she didn't have him alone again, if at all.

Outrageous behaviour

It will. But this is a nasty, unpleasant remark.

Maybe have a read of @ImperfectAlf's post

Really now?

A 14 month old trying to cut their own hair?

Ridiculous

My mother is exactly the same

my ds had lovely,soft baby hair which I admit it was getting a bit long but he looked cute and it was his baby hair

anyway I left him with her for about ten minutes,and she scalped him-I’m talking a grade one all over (was shoulder length)

when I got back and hit the roof,she tried to gaslight me by saying I’d asked her to do it and she was ‘only doing what I wanted’

fucking bullshit-she knew how much I adored his hair as it was but she hated it and kept nagging me to cut it but I kept refusing

It was his first cut as well-dad had put the hair in his compost heap so I couldn’t get it back

i wish I’d cut all contact then as she only got worse until i was forced to cut contact with her-I’d do it now as she won’t stop-she’ll do whatever she feels like and sod you and his dads wishes

i have a mate who says ‘mums word is law,even if I don’t agree I respect it’ (i don’t have grandchildren yet but one day I will-that will be my mantra)

you are not overreacting at all

I would hit the ROOF!!

It's not even about the hair, although that is obviously upsetting, it's about her blatant disregard for your wishes and her lying.

I would be distancing from her again, I'm afraid. You gave her a chance and she blew it.

No, the hair has been cut at the base of his skull, it's clear it's been cut as there is still a short bit left. She has deliberately cut off his one of his curls (he has lovely ringlets at the back of his hair). I couldn't even cut my own hair in that position, let alone a 14mo child who has no access to scissors (or glue) for that matter!

So because someone does another person a favour, that gives them free reign to do what they like?!
Honestly, mums net is nuts sometimes

I would be so upset by this.

It's not really about the haircut is it though?

It's about trust.

If you had explicitly told YOUR mother that you do not want your child eating meat and the first time she had your child alone, she fed them ham and then lied about it. Would you be fine with it because she was doing you a favour?

Yeah... that's enough for cutting contact.

It’s a deliberate act of “fuck you I will do want I want”. She has destroyed the trust in your relationship. I wouldn’t leave your son alone with her ever again.

My MIL did this. I feel your pain.

Hair typically grows half an inch a month. Will it fuck grow back in three weeks. What an idiotic thing to say. He’s not a Mr Potato Head.

Cut ties now. She has show her complete disregard for YOUR rules for YOUR child. And lied about it too. What's next? What other "don't tell mummy and daddy!" Secrets will your child end up having?

And the PP who's mum gave her child a No.1 scalping cut, my husband would have to hide the wireless clippers from me or the bitch would be getting a jackass shave special, a huge streak of bald wherever I could reach before she manages to stop me.

I would have been v upset and angry too. My sister had this happen with her MIL.
I’d not contact her tbh and if you choose to let her have contact, always be there.

My mother also did this. Also denied it. Also first haircut. @Thewompingwillow things won’t get any better as your child grows up and you don’t owe her a relationship with your child. My mother was a dreadful mother so why on earth I’d thought she’d be a good grandparent I never know. I ended up reducing contact as she then started undermining me whilst looking after my child. It starts with innocuous remarks like ‘silly old mummy’ then becomes more serious to the point where after school my DD had not been fed properly (she’d been fed crap as my mother ‘doesn’t like’ cooking and was discouraged from doing homework that was due in the next day (wtf?) so having just worked a full day, I then had to deal with a tired, hungry child who then became anxious about being told off the next day by the teacher. I hired a nanny, removed my mother from the equation and never looked back. My DD is now 16, and it fills me with horror some of the things she now tells me that went on that are just batshit crazy.

Whilst it was very nasty of her, your reaction seems very OTT His first haircut was the last milestone card we had left to complete and now that has been taken from me

It will grow back, take him and have it tidied up.

This isn’t about the haircut.

Shes blown it. And lied. All trust gone.