He is still using Bumble after two months of dating

[Fallingslowly26]

I have been dating a guy I met on Tinder for two months. He is 33 and I am 29. We have been on 11 dates so far. We started sleeping with each other on date 4.

Over two months later, we have met quite a few of each other’s friends and I feel like we are growing closer every time we see each other.

however- there is one problem … he is still using Bumble. I know this because his location keeps updating. So if he goes away for a weekend etc, the location will change to wherever he is. the location changed most days.

we haven’t had a talk about exclusivity - but I perhaps naively assumed that we both felt the same about each other.

Anyway - I mentioned the bumble situation to him the other day and said I have noticed he is still active on the app, and pointed out that I have put my app on pause. He shut down the conversation and I haven’t heard from him since.

I’d like to see someone who is not keeping me around as an option and the fact he refused to discuss this with me has really upset me.

Was I wrong to assume that after two months of seeing me , he wouldn’t be interested in online dating anymore? Is an ‘exclusivity’ conversation always required in these situations?

Ghosting is the most immature thing a person can do. The only response is to realise it's a bullet dodged. Anything beyond that in response to ghosting may mean you have to grow a thicker skin as ghosting is horrifically common.

People nowadays have the manners of pigs in day to day life let alone in OLD.

For me, how men respond when you pull them up is absolutely key.

I had some issues with DP still being on an app when I had understood we were exclusive, he never once accused me of also being on the app or else how would I know - which would have been a reasonable question - or got defensive, we had a proper conversation, he came off the app and wanted to make a go of things and we've never looked back.

This bloke has been defensive, tried to throw shade and then disappeared, so my assumption is that he's a dick playing games.

Yep, it’s not a great sign when someone tries to deflect an innocent question by accusing me of also being active on the apps and then ghosting! I was hoping he would just be cooperative but seems like that was too much to ask!

She has templates for different dating scenarios pinned on her story highlights - the account is FindingMrHeight

The anti ghosting message is something like "Hi , I'm taking your silence to mean that you are no longer interested in seeing each other. I'm disappointed that I didn't hear that from you directly and hope you'll consider treating the next woman you date with more respect. I am looking for someone with good communication as I'm sure most women are."

His reaction is disappointing and pretty pathetic. He could have just said he wasn’t ready to be exclusive, or he was wondering whether they should talk about being exclusive. Not just run away like a kid.

Yep and if he isn't ready to be exclusive, that’s not something I would be annoyed with! That’s someone stating where they’re at and although it might not be nice to hear, that’s their choice. We need a conversation (for closure) but looks like I’m not gonna get the opportunity to have that.

I think some guys love the attention and having a woman responding to them so they get this relationship/girl-friend experience without actually have a relationship or girlfriend.

The fact he dropped you like a stone tells you everything you need to know about the depth he is actually capable of outside of his 'boyfriend material' act. You asked a reasonable question and he freaked like a freak.

I think you've handled it all with grace and dignity - I wish I could offer you hope that there will be someone out there, I'm hoping the same.

I think OLD has had its day for decent people who want decent relationships, the percentage is so low on there.

I hope that one day there will be another way of decent people meeting decent people outside of your normal social circle (no single men straight in mine), as it's very hard in real life too when you get the point where most people have coupled up.

All the best falling you sound great and I hope you find someone worthy of you.

He’s not worth the bother, send a message saying you don’t want to see him again so you have closure.
next time, make your boundaries clear. It’s not about them, it’s about what you want. If sex is your boundary before you have sex, say that you are only have sex in an exclusive relationship, and if he feels differently that you will need to end the relationship because it’s not what you are looking for.
I found baggage reclaim really helpful when I was dating: www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/list-of-posts/

Thanks for your post but the OP isn’t taking about a few dates. She’s talking about two months and a situation where he is acting like a bf. If he doesn’t want a relationship he should have clarified that early on. It’s not her job to read his mind and if his terms are casual he should articulate that. It sounds like he is stringing her along with little regard for her feelings and is prepared to waste her time.

I’d you respect the person you’re sleeping with you won’t be on the apps.if u want to stay in teh apps u would communicate that.

Dangerous assumption. If you want to know you'll be exclusive when sleeping with someone especially if you meet on OLD you need to have a conversation.

Strongly don’t agree. He is leading her on by having sex with her, conversing with her all the time, introducing her to his friends etc.. He’s sending cues that he is into her and wants a relationship. If that’s not the case the onus is on him to communicate that. If not, he is stringing her along and it’s immoral.

I feel todays dating standards have sunk so low and basic respect is non-existent. It’s also so biased towards men. Like women should just tolerate being an option and be ok with that.

@Chloe7572 this is a zombie thread from over a year ago.

LastWordsOfALiar · I couldn't care less. Some of the posts on here are disturbing.

How rude 😂 you’re thanking someone for a post that was made over a year ago? I don’t think they’re reading I’m afraid!

@LastWordsOfALiar We'll you're reading it so other may well be. I stumbled across this page via a google search. No double other young women will. Wouldn't want them to get the wrong impression about how women should be treated.

I wouldn't have thought you needed to confirm you were exclusive after that many dates!
That said, I wouldn't just bin him off. Why don't you meet and have a face to face conversation about it? Be honest and tell him how you feel....

Oh, realised how old this is 🙄

He disappeared when she asked him to clarify. He should have told her if he didn’t want to be exclusive… you know sought her CONSENT for having a casual relationship with him. He was Possibly just leading her on and acting like a pseudo bf in order to get sex. A low value man.