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Original poster

Husband and family holiday

123 replies

Jane798 · 05/08/2022 21:22

Hi all, I posted on here back in January about a holiday abroad and how my husband didn't want to go with my family. I really did want to go so I booked to go with my 2 children and we go in 10 days. Things with my husband haven't been the same since and he uses every opertunity to 'get one back' on me! I feel like it's really driven a massive wedge between us and I am not sure if things will ever get back to normal.
Would anyone on else here even think about doing a holiday with their family without their spouse or am I in a toxic relationship. X

OP posts:
Reluctantadult · 05/08/2022 21:25

My relationship isn't that great but I wouldn't go on a full blown holiday without him. Maybe 2 nights if he wasn't adverse. Maybe it's because things are not actively bad.

NewtoHolland · 05/08/2022 21:28

My husband would be chuffed with a week off of us all I think 😂 he didn't feel like going, there's no need for you all to miss out surely?? The toxicity is him continuously punishing for it.

KangarooKenny · 05/08/2022 21:30

I’d go and then divorce him when I got back.

magaluf1999 · 05/08/2022 21:30

Its ok for him to not want to go.

Its ok for you to still want to go.

Being nasty, unkind or point scoring and backtracking really not ok.

I think its the modern world of family life this isn't that unusual.

Weepingwillows12 · 05/08/2022 21:30

What was his reason for not wanting to go? If it was money or its the only holiday time you have together etc then I think you probably did do something wrong. If he didn't fancy it, you have other opportunities for a family holiday and he is just annoyed that you disobeyed him then you go have fun.

I would go away without my husband but not as my main / only holiday.

Maytodecember · 05/08/2022 21:30

So he had the choice to go on the holiday or not and he chose not to? He’s an adult, that’s his choice.
Do you have the children’s passports? I’d put them, and yours, in your parents house, or give them to another family member to look after as they might “ disappear” just before you plan to leave.

Original poster
Jane798 · 05/08/2022 21:30

Thank you, I re read my OP and I think I meant to say is it a strange thing we are going without him. He seems to think he didn't want to go so we all shouldn't be.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jane798 · 05/08/2022 21:32

Thank you. No it isn't our only holiday we have a couple planned this year as a 4 and my Mum is paying for this one for us all.

OP posts:
Joey69 · 05/08/2022 21:54

Not that it helps, but went on holiday with my in-laws when I Was married and it was terrible, they just relied on us for everything, what time to eat, where to go what to do etc,
so I don’t blame him really

SimonaRazowska · 05/08/2022 21:57

Are the kids his?

is your mum
coming?

SimonaRazowska · 05/08/2022 21:58

Does he not want to go to the destination? Or does he hate holidays in general? Why does he not want to come?

Cognacsoft · 05/08/2022 22:03

I regularly go on holidays without dh.
Ive been with adult dc, dm and dsis over the years.
Dh is pleased to have the peace.
He misses me but would never make me feel bad for going.

Your dh is just being selfish.

Original poster
Jane798 · 05/08/2022 22:06

SimonaRazowska · 05/08/2022 21:57

Are the kids his?

is your mum
coming?

Yes both kids his and yes my Mum and Dad are coming with my brother, SIL and nephews.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jane798 · 05/08/2022 22:08

SimonaRazowska · 05/08/2022 21:58

Does he not want to go to the destination? Or does he hate holidays in general? Why does he not want to come?

He likes holidays, said he doesn't want to do extended family holidays this year. It's for my Mums 60th birthday.

OP posts:
mindutopia · 05/08/2022 22:09

Dh and I often go on holidays alone with the dc without the other. We enjoy that time with them and it just doesn’t always work that all of us go.

That said, I think going on holiday with the in laws is something most people would give a big ole swerve! I definitely wouldn’t want to go with dh’s family and frankly neither of us would go with mine.

I don’t blame him at all for not wanting to go, but it’s weird to get all worked up that you decided to go without him.

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 06/08/2022 01:22

Happy 60th birthday to your Mum, OP, and I hope you all enjoy the holiday. I hope she isn’t hurt by your husband’s refusal. Tbh he sounds a nasty bit of work, not only boycotting your Mum’s celebration but nagging at you for seven months because you dare to go with her. I wouldn’t stay with him myself.

ManAboutTown · 06/08/2022 01:38

If you get one decent holiday a year then I can see why someone might not want to spend it with the in-laws or even their own extended family.

There are lots of things I like doing on holiday - sightseeing, reading, sitting in bars, swimming and so forth but i probably wouldn't enjoy it as much if I felt like I was on someone else's schedule.

Having said that it is your Mum's 60th and it seems petty and unreasonable to keep punishing you for it.

In his situation I would have said this is not a proper break for me but you go with the kids. Let's do a nice dinner for your Mum (my parents love our family events for their birthdays) and I will do a golf week or couple of weeks in Bangkok (only joking!!!) instead. Then make sure that next years holiday is a bit special.

vaingina · 06/08/2022 01:41

It was a test of some sort.Nasty to do it on a special birthday. Any other controlling behaviour?

MintJulia · 06/08/2022 01:42

Ten days for three of you is quite a lot, just to celebrate a birthday.

Maybe he thinks it's excessive, maybe he missed his kids or is a creature of habit and disliked the disruption to normal life. Maybe he thinks your parents overindulge the dcs.

Quite a lot of people would be in no rush to spend 10 days with the in-laws.

Triffid1 · 06/08/2022 04:19

As you say you still have plenty of holiday time planned with him, I think he is being hugely unreasonable. Frankly, he sounds a bit controlling and I can't help wondering how often you decide not to do something because it would upset him? If you have been happily going along with his resistance to you going for nights out or meeting certain friends or whatever, this refusal to concede is probably v shocking to him.

If I went away with kids and my family for 10 days dh would miss us. But also would enjoy the quiet time and be grateful he wasn't spending that long with my family!

StClare101 · 06/08/2022 05:10

It’s for your mums 60th of course you should go. He’s being a dick.

Mally100 · 06/08/2022 05:31

10.days with extended family- sounds like hell so I don't blame him. You go with the kids and enjoy.

Ragwort · 06/08/2022 05:51

My DH & I frequently holiday separately - totally abusive and controlling of your DH to treat you the way he is doing. He sounds very 'needy' if he can't just accept that you want to spend time with your family. Is it because he can't think how to fill his time when you are away?

But people are strange ... many couples seem joined at the hip and just don't understand why other couples want to do things independently Confused ...

Original poster
Jane798 · 06/08/2022 06:25

Mally100 · 06/08/2022 05:31

10.days with extended family- sounds like hell so I don't blame him. You go with the kids and enjoy.

Hi, sorry worded wrong we are going in 10 days but only going for 5 nights away.

OP posts:
MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 06/08/2022 06:37

He sounds ridiculous

Yes of course he doesn't have to go, but he doesn't get to dictate that you can't go.

He's never going to let this go is he. Have you asked him why he's being such a twat?

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