Husband and family holiday

[Jane798]

Hi all, I posted on here back in January about a holiday abroad and how my husband didn't want to go with my family. I really did want to go so I booked to go with my 2 children and we go in 10 days. Things with my husband haven't been the same since and he uses every opertunity to 'get one back' on me! I feel like it's really driven a massive wedge between us and I am not sure if things will ever get back to normal.
Would anyone on else here even think about doing a holiday with their family without their spouse or am I in a toxic relationship. X

When he says your family are brainwashing you and you’ll do whatever they say, what he really means is that you are making a choice that is outside of his control and he doesn’t like it. He’s denigrating your independence to present it as something unhealthy and wrong because he wants to be the one calling the shots.
Pay no attention to him. He’s being a joy saboteur to serve his own agenda. Sad fuck.

Again, his choice not to be there. It’s not for you to turn down a holiday to suit him but for him to make the effort to be part of the experience.
He can shove his guilt tripping up his arse.

Of course it's another tactic to make you feel guilty and not go. What a selfish man, he just doesn't want you to go and have fun without him, would rather you and the dc go without, than see you having fun. It's not like he 'can't go' he simply 'doesn't want to' smacks of control

Classic tactic of an emotionally abusive partner. Feels the need to ruin the holiday before you go to keep you on your toes when away. Mine was the same then the whole time away you are centred on him back home, worrying he is ok. Can’t now keep his emotions in check so is projecting them all on you as he feels rejected, not in control of what you are doing. Rubbish, I’d be leaving very soon.

Just another nasty controlling man.

His latest tactic is bullshit.

You need to remind yourself that he doesn't mind upsetting his children to keep you under control.

Shit husband.
Shit father.

Tk to Women's aid if you don't believe how awful he is.

Talk to your family.

Good men don't behave like this.

Controlling bullys do.

He just wanted this year to be the 4 of us doing things together.

Oh, so was he planning to take you all to Qatar for the world cup? Or has he conveniently forgotten about his lads weekend away?

He just wanted this year to be the 4 of us doing things together.

You are right nasty guilt tripping and emotional blackmail, he is determined to spoil this holiday for you and the children.

He had the opportunity to come with you, he chose not to. If he was any kind of decent human being he would wave you off with a smile and tell you all to enjoy yourselves and he looks forward to hearing all about it when you come back but he's not a decent human being is he? He is a nasty, selfish dick determined to make everything about him and to ruin everything for you and the children.

Many friends go away with ILs and extended family.

This sounds awful i go on holiday to get away from my family 😂😂

So today is the day we are finally going on holiday tonight. I am dreading the goodbye part not sure how that will be. The latest tactic is telling my 7 year old son how sad he is that we are going without him! I have not been sleeping due to worry and how this is going to affect everything going forward.
I am going do do my best to block it all out and have a wonderful time.
Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond. Xx

I really hope you have a wonderful time. If I was you I would see how he behaves when you go and if he is inappropriately guilt tripping you or the children I would not have contact during the trip at all because he'll deliberately sabotage it.

Please tell your family the truth, that is that you and your children are in a controlling abusive relationship.

The latest tactic is telling my 7 year old son how sad he is that we are going without him!

Your DH sounds like a spiteful & highly manipulative narc.
I know that term's thrown around a lot on here, but the ruining every holiday & family occasion is one of the traits. The narc CANNOT BEAR that something is not all about them, so have to spoil it for everyone else - or at least, for the person they are getting their main Supply from.

I hope you can tell your little boy that "daddy's just being silly, he was invited on holiday with all of us but has decided he doesn't want to come. What he means is he will miss you while we're away" so DS feels reassured?

Yup - no contact all the time you are away as PP wisely suggested.

And please - PLEASE - confide in your most trusted family members.
You cannot keep carrying this all alone -
I have not been sleeping due to worry and how this is going to affect everything going forward.

Have as relaxing a break as you can manage - you might be surprised how much of the angst falls away when you H is not around to bring everyone down.

I’ve just come back from a 10 day holiday to Corfu with dd2. He didn’t want to come. He dropped us at the airport at 4 am and picked us back up on our return.
I’m going to Croatia with dd1 in September. He’s not bothered about that either.
He sounds very selfish. He doesn’t want to go and expects you not to go either. Don’t think so.

He's being unpleasant. Saying that to your DD is really awful.

Have a great time @Jane798 x

Have a great time on holiday with your family. Congratulations on your bravery!!
Try to ignore those butterflies in the stomach towards the end of the time away,
Maybe confide in your family about his controlling behaviour. Work out a Plan B if he does turn nasty on your return.
Also be prepared for a strange drama at home whilst you’re away. It’s likely he will want to reclaim the limelight.
Good luck!

You’re both teaching your kids that it’s ok for a man to control and bully women and kids. It’s not acceptable. Is this really the first time he’s upsetting your kids, punishing you and acting the scumbag for months?

This 👆

Sorry he's being an arse Op. The line about him thinking if he didn't want to go none of you would is an eyeopener - he thinks he's the man of the house and his wife and kiddies should follow his lead. I'm also noticing his family holidays are OK but he doesn't want to go with yours. There's a bit of selfishness there and a big dollop of insecurity- do you think maybe he thinks you'll take the DC and not come back? And if so, why?
I'd have a good think about this all while you're away (but don't let it spoil your fun) and if as @DemelzaandRoss says there's suddenly a domestic emergency I'd be asking for photos as proof!

He is a nasty arse.

He wants to use his annual leave to go to Footie in Qatar when he won't see the DC, he has chosen to not come on this holiday.

It's about control - he's the man and what he says goes.

On the last night night of our holiday, just put the kids to bed and having a glass of wine on the balcony. We have had the most amazing time, it's been so nice to get away from all the negativity and has given me some head space. I have talked at length with my family who have suspected I haven't been happy for a while. They have all offered support and my Mum has offered for us to go and live with her if it was needed.
We have all also talked about how we would love this to be an annual thing, including my children who have lived spending time with cousins and extended family.

I hope their support makes it possibly for you to leave. Prepare it in your own time and get your ducks in a row.

Perhaps when he's away at his f'ing football you can go through and copy finances/arrange to move out/take passports & Birth certificates etc.

Glad you and the DC had a wonderful holiday

Agree.

Well done for chatting to your family.

Quietly get organised and get away from that nasty pig.

Your children will thank you.

Men like him hate woman having support.
Well done for giving your family the chance to help you.