Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Does anyone have a partner who hates them reading books or who gets angry if you don't sit and watch TV with him/her?

111 replies

DeedeeDashwood · 05/08/2022 15:20

I'm very aware that there are some men out there who have a real hatred of books and who are capable of getting very angry indeed if their partners sit and read at home. My theory is that (a) they associate books with school and with being bored at school, and (b) they see books as intellectual and it makes them feel stupid if their partners engage in what they see as an intellectual activity which they themselves aren't capable of - as if their partners are somehow calling them thick by sitting down to read a book.

Likewise some partners (of either sex) feel that their other halves should sit down and watch telly with them, regardless of how moronic their choice of TV show is or how far outside their partner's range of interests it is. It's always struck me as really babyish, like they're not capable of watching TV on their own and they need someone to watch it with them. They seem to think it's part of their partner's job to watch TV with them, even if what's on TV is a bottom-of-the barrel unfunny sitcom, a live darts match or some godawful garish bit of Saturday night gameshow garbage. And yet if the situation's reversed and their partner gets to choose a TV show of a kind which doesn't appeal to them, they'll huff and puff and call it sh*t and leave the room.

I'm wondering if any Mumsnetters have spent years living in this sort of situation and whether they ended up splitting or living separate lives in the same building. I remember a TV play years ago which touched on this sort of thing; the husband, played by Kenneth Cranham, banned his wife from reading library books. As for the TV thing, that was even closer to home for me.

OP posts:
QuizzlyBears · 05/08/2022 18:34

I used to have EXACTLY this. It was a big factor in deciding to end my marriage.

Greyskiesaregonnaclearup · 05/08/2022 18:53

I had a partner who was jealous of the speed I read - I kid you not. I've always been a voracious reader, and am a speed reader too. He knew this. I didnt see this side of him until our first holiday abroad, intended to be a week of sitting in the sun, reading and relaxing for both of us. What actually happened was every time one of us paused our reading to get a drink or whatever, he would start exclaiming that he had only read 4 pages and I had read 10 in that time, or whatever spurious figure he thought. Every single time. I would then have to reassure him that the speed he read was fine and he wasn't an idiot, or he would work himself up so much he would refuse to read anymore and flounce off. I was so bewildered and upset by the whole thing. He turned out to be another one who wanted us both to sit in front of the TV every night watching whatever he wanted.

He's an ex now but I'll never forget it. Very odd.

FinallyHere · 05/08/2022 18:59

WinnysPinny · 05/08/2022 15:35

If my partner got angry because I read a book they’d be an ex before I’d finished the next sentence

This.

Simples.

PermanentTemporary · 05/08/2022 19:09

The dislike of reading is unlikely to appear while dating. It pops up as you start spending more time together without 'doing stuff' or when cohabiting.

AmeAmy · 05/08/2022 19:13

@brookstar

”My DH buys me books and saves me the book review section of newspapers. One of the reasons I love him!”

How thoughtful 🙂🙂🙂
lucky you.

but mostly, looking at relationships I’m just glad I’m single!

No man also could put up with my need for books, for sleep, and interesting conversation….

AmeAmy · 05/08/2022 19:19

… and silence (bliss)

Namechanger355 · 05/08/2022 19:21

What a weird situation - does this actually happen?

I relax how I want in my home as does my DH. Sometimes that involves one of us reading, watching tele individually or sometimes together

just not a thing

YukoandHiro · 05/08/2022 19:23

This is not a partner that any woman should stay with... Christ, just think about what that reaction represents.

shinynewapple22 · 05/08/2022 19:30

Well my DP spends his evenings watching TV and I spend mine reading - but we just ignore each other. In fact I think DP prefers that I choose to read as there is no arguing around what programmes we are watching. Sometimes we sit in the same room - sometimes we don't. (Ps we do sometimes have evenings whereby we go out and talk to each other !)

FoofOfTheWalkingDead · 05/08/2022 19:30

I have experience with this. He pauses the telly and huffs until I put down my book. He didn't start out this way or he wouldn't have gotten past a 2nd date. Funnily, we don't jointly watch shows I like. I have to watch those on my own.

SideshowAuntSally · 05/08/2022 19:32

My ex hated all my books. Told me I needed to get rid of them. I love sitting and reading a book, he hated me doing it. It was one of the many things we didn't have in common (as my mum keeps reminding me).

Northernsoullover · 05/08/2022 19:39

My ex used to sulk if I didn't watch TV with him. If I left the room he'd pause the TV. He'd say I was antisocial if I looked at my phone but then when I asked him to explain the difference between staring at a TV and staring at a phone he couldn't come up with an answer. Walker. I'm so glad I'm single. I do understand that there is such a thing as a healthy relationship but I'm still glad I'm single 😂

ManAboutTown · 05/08/2022 20:18

I'm a bloke - live alone and have over 1,000 books in my home. Nothing I would enjoy more than sitting with a partner in a room both reading - perhaps punctuated by the occasional refresh of the wine glass or making a cup of tea.

SideshowAuntSally · 05/08/2022 20:43

ManAboutTown · 05/08/2022 20:18

I'm a bloke - live alone and have over 1,000 books in my home. Nothing I would enjoy more than sitting with a partner in a room both reading - perhaps punctuated by the occasional refresh of the wine glass or making a cup of tea.

That sounds like my idea of a perfect evening.

ManAboutTown · 05/08/2022 20:49

@SideshowAuntSally - you should come round one evening LOL

theniceunderstandingone · 05/08/2022 21:04

@Pokske same here 👏🏽👏🏽🤣

longtompot · 05/08/2022 21:04

It reminds me of the scene in Matilda where she was quite happy reading her books but the rest of her family were watching a game show on the tv and the dad got furious with her. It is sad to read some of the previous posters experiences with people just like this dad

MaxOverTheMoon · 05/08/2022 21:14

My exh hated me being on my phone whilst he watched his shit tv programmes. We read books or listened to audio books together, I thought it was super sweet at first, he'd read to me in the bath and before bed - until I realised it was always His choice of books.

frozendaisy · 05/08/2022 22:09

Oh my actual fucking god. Reading? Watching TV?

You are a person not a teddy bear if they want someone to watch TV in silence with buy them a cuddly fluffy teddy because they are acting about the comfort blanket age.

Anyone of our household can read by the lamp if the others are watching something they are not interested in.

If they don't love what you do with your leisure time they don't love you. I cannot express how different my and the Mr's leisure interests are. Support, encouragement, even some spectatorship, but insisting on them not doing it "because I feel all unloved and lonely". Yeah screw that here's a teddy bear.

hewouldwouldnthe · 05/08/2022 22:17

My ex would hate me using my phone or iPad when he was watching endless news on a loop. Wouldn't have minded a book. Quite abnormal.

FilePhoto · 06/08/2022 00:17

ManAboutTown · 05/08/2022 20:18

I'm a bloke - live alone and have over 1,000 books in my home. Nothing I would enjoy more than sitting with a partner in a room both reading - perhaps punctuated by the occasional refresh of the wine glass or making a cup of tea.

I'm in. As long as you're the one making the tea. Grin

Sheepreallylikerichteabiscuits · 06/08/2022 00:21

I had an ex who was really threatened by me reading and used to make really disparaging comments about my books all the time. He became an ex very quickly.

He later admitted to a mutual friend that he was intimidated by my books which I found irritating because 90% at the time were chick lit from the charity shop, not Tolstoy or Dante etc (not implying my reading now is more high brow, just that as I was at uni at the time it was pretty much all low brow easy to read books because thats all I had the brain power for)

My current DH reads as much as I do. I don't think I would be happy married to someone who doesn't read. We read books each other likes and talk about them etc. The only downside is that he expects equal space on the bookshelves, which I think is plain selfish (joking, mostly...)

Sheepreallylikerichteabiscuits · 06/08/2022 00:24

ManAboutTown · 05/08/2022 20:18

I'm a bloke - live alone and have over 1,000 books in my home. Nothing I would enjoy more than sitting with a partner in a room both reading - perhaps punctuated by the occasional refresh of the wine glass or making a cup of tea.

I don't understand (from this post) why you are single, I feel like if you put that information on a dating website you would be inundated with swipes

Maybe this is the gap in the dating app market

Binder - the dating app for people who like books.....

ManAboutTown · 06/08/2022 00:29

@Sheepreallylikerichteabiscuits - I was married for a long time. One of the things I am wrestling with right now is how to meet someone new - it won't be OLD for sure after what I've read on here

Sheepreallylikerichteabiscuits · 06/08/2022 00:31

ManAboutTown · 06/08/2022 00:29

@Sheepreallylikerichteabiscuits - I was married for a long time. One of the things I am wrestling with right now is how to meet someone new - it won't be OLD for sure after what I've read on here

Damn it I thought you could be the beta tester for my new dating app that's going to make me millions 😉

Can't say I blame you though! I feel like you need a singles book club..