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I'm pregnant and unmarried - should I sign a deed of trust on our new house
98

Bonnie2023 · 05/08/2022 13:50

Hello,

I'm in a bit of a pickle and wondered if anyone is able to offer any advice.

I bought a house with my boyfriend a few months ago. We have moved in and it's perfect. Given he put a fair whack down as a deposit, I signed a deed of trust. I think it's only fair that he gets that back if we break up and sell the house.

However, I have fallen pregnant. It wasn't the plan, I wanted to get married before we started to think about babies but sometimes, life happens. We are both really happy and feel really lucky. When I found out, the deed of trust was on my mind. He didn't offer to scrap it, even when I raised concerns

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GreenQueen80 · 05/08/2022 13:52

Are you contributing to the mortgage?

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jalu47 · 05/08/2022 13:53

I think it's fair enough you've signed a deed of trust. If he's put all the money in and you break up he should be entitled to more. If you have a child that's a separate thing, he has a responsibility to you and your child if you split up but that's a different matter.

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jalu47 · 05/08/2022 13:54

Also it's not about the mortgage, it's about the deposit. If you are equally contributing to mortgage then you are entitled to an equal share of any gain..

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Bonnie2023 · 05/08/2022 13:54

Yes, I am paying half of the mortgage. I'm paying half of everything (everything we buy, all furniture, decorating ect)

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ChickPeaChic · 05/08/2022 13:57

Why don’t you just get married?

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RedTonight · 05/08/2022 13:57

It’s fine for him to keep the deed of trust as child support is a different thing. However DONT give up your job or go part time until you’re married, or you will screw your self over!

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Isaidnoalready · 05/08/2022 13:59

Is the deed of trust voided upon marriage?

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ArcticSkewer · 05/08/2022 13:59

Why would he scrap it now you are pregnant? What's your reasoning there?

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Bonnie2023 · 05/08/2022 13:59

Yes, we'd split any profit on the house after fee's, that's all fine.

Re marriage, that's what my parents said. If he wants to marry you, why wait? But he doesn't want to do it in a hurry....

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ChickPeaChic · 05/08/2022 14:01

Isaidnoalready · 05/08/2022 13:59

Is the deed of trust voided upon marriage?

It’s not voided as such, but marriage overrides a deed of trust in the sense that a divorce court is able to disregard it when assets are being split.

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deeperthanallroses · 05/08/2022 14:02

I suppose the important thing is that you don’t pay in £ towards the costs and in time by not working to look after the baby; you need to agree that any use of savings is joint - if you can’t afford mat leave without using savings, you both need to draw on them, not all the costs of the baby are born by you and his life largely unchanged in costs and in ability to work, he just gets a baby added.

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ChickPeaChic · 05/08/2022 14:03

Bonnie2023 · 05/08/2022 13:59

Yes, we'd split any profit on the house after fee's, that's all fine.

Re marriage, that's what my parents said. If he wants to marry you, why wait? But he doesn't want to do it in a hurry....

You are about to become the mother of his child, the fact he doesn’t want to “do it in a hurry” is raising serious alarm bells.

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Bonnie2023 · 05/08/2022 14:04

'It’s fine for him to keep the deed of trust as child support is a different thing. However DONT give up your job or go part time until you’re married, or you will screw your self over!' - Thanks, good advice.

Why would he scrap it now you are pregnant? What's your reasoning there? - Well he doesn't want to. But is it okay for him to swan off with his money while I'm in some awful place with primary care of the baby? I almost feel like half of it belongs to the baby now (not me, the baby).

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ManAboutTown · 05/08/2022 14:04

I am trying to recall how this works as had to deal with it a good while ago.

I think if you have a deed of trust you effectively own half the property in trust for each other meaning that if one of you pass away the other automatically inherits. The other way of owning is joint and severably which means that if one of you passes away your half goes to whoever is specified in the will.

If you are married or in a stable relationship then the deed of trust is quite normal but if you separate and the property is still jointly owned then normally you sever it. This is a simple legal process

Sounds like other than the deposit you are paying 50:50 and when you have the baby even if you can't work you still have entitlement. Perhaps getting a bit ahead of yourself given you say everything else is working well

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BecauseICan22 · 05/08/2022 14:04

You're having his baby.
You've bought a house together, you're contributing to half of everything - yet he isn't ready to get married?

How are you protecting yourself for the inevitable hit your career is going to take with being pregnant?

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yonce · 05/08/2022 14:05

Why would he scrap it? Having a baby doesn't mean he paid any less of the deposit, and unless you've got lots of savings stashed away he's likely to have to up contributions to the household when you're on maternity.

Why do you think he'd be swanning off with it and leaving you in an awful place with the baby? Of course half of the house deposit doesn't belong to the baby - that's a really strange line of thinking.

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Cantdoitallperfectly · 05/08/2022 14:06

Alarm bells would be ringing for me if he is putting off getting married. Is there another reason, he wants to save up for a big wedding?

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AnneLovesGilbert · 05/08/2022 14:08

Tell him you want to get married before the baby’s born.

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ArcticSkewer · 05/08/2022 14:10

If you split up you would get what you have agreed. The baby would also entitle you to child maintenance.
Your focus is better going to marriage not deed of trust.
I certainly wouldn't encourage my adult son to just give half his house deposit away to the mother of his unborn child.
If you both want to get married, great. That way you will have more rights over time over the house deposit, as in, it will be considered an asset of the marriage (you're not in Scotland, right?)
If you don't get married then don't fuck over your career or savings. Just go back to work.
The house deposit is the least of your worries

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yonce · 05/08/2022 14:10

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/08/2022 14:08

Tell him you want to get married before the baby’s born.

Bit late to start suggesting that sort of thing tbh, hates horses and bolted all come to mind.

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yonce · 05/08/2022 14:10

*gates even

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ArcticSkewer · 05/08/2022 14:12

Cantdoitallperfectly · 05/08/2022 14:06

Alarm bells would be ringing for me if he is putting off getting married. Is there another reason, he wants to save up for a big wedding?

And alarm bells would be ringing for me at the timing of this unplanned pregnancy. But alarm bells don't mean anything when you don't know the couple, do they, it just shows the way your mind jumps to conclusions on no evidence.

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Bonnie2023 · 05/08/2022 14:14

Why would he scrap it? Having a baby doesn't mean he paid any less of the deposit, and unless you've got lots of savings stashed away he's likely to have to up contributions to the household when you're on maternity.
Why do you think he'd be swanning off with it and leaving you in an awful place with the baby? Of course half of the house deposit doesn't belong to the baby - that's a really strange line of thinking. - Yes, I can see this argument and am deffo trying to look at it from his POV also. And I don't think he would swan off but sometimes (to protect ourselves) I think it's worth thinking worst case scenario. As I said, he's great and I can't see us ever breaking up but I'm just trying to protect myself and make sure our baby has everything it needs should the worst happen. I personally dont think it's a strange line of thinking. As far as I am concerned, what's his is now also the baby's.

Alarm bells would be ringing for me if he is putting off getting married. Is there another reason, he wants to save up for a big wedding? I think there is some truth in that. But it's not too expensive to get married, we can always do the party/ceremony thing a bit later. But also, none of his friends are married yet and he's going off that.......I don't really care what his friends do and have told him that

Thanks, all really helpful comments and giving me lots of things to think about and consider.

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DaisyDooxox · 05/08/2022 14:18

I have just been through this myself selling a house with my ex partner.

If you sighed a deed of trust then I presume you are tenants in common?

I think if you are married and you separate, he cannot force you to sell the property until your youngest child is 17. I am unsure of how it works when you are not married.

Coming out of what I have come out of, please please please seek a solicitors advice on this. Most of them will do a free 30 minute consultation, or contact citizens advice.

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ArcticSkewer · 05/08/2022 14:20

DaisyDooxox · 05/08/2022 14:18

I have just been through this myself selling a house with my ex partner.

If you sighed a deed of trust then I presume you are tenants in common?

I think if you are married and you separate, he cannot force you to sell the property until your youngest child is 17. I am unsure of how it works when you are not married.

Coming out of what I have come out of, please please please seek a solicitors advice on this. Most of them will do a free 30 minute consultation, or contact citizens advice.

That's absolutely not how it works.

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