Meeting someone on a night out

Vainandjustrealised · 2022-08-05T08:37:43+00:00

35/F here Had no sucess dating online Decided to delete it and I already feel better for it I have decided to start heading out on Fridays to socialise and 'on the pull' I have not done this in years I suppose I am heading out 'on the pull' as my priority in life now is to find my life partner - I have reached the top of my career a couple of years ago, glowed up physically emotionally and mentally and put a huge amount of work into myself How do I go out as a mid thirties woman and not appear desperate? I am not going to approach guys but its been years (since I was 26/27) when I meet my LT ex at a bar and I cannot remember how it even happened? I remember he bought me a gin and tonic and I kissed him on the dance floor. I do not know if we made eyes or what 😂 I honestly think thats the last time i went on the pull Confidence boosting tips and advice please And any sucess stories of people who met their DP on a night out would be appreciated! ❤️

sunlovingcriminal · 05/08/2022 09:42

Are you sure "going on the pull" is the way forward?

Do your mates have anyone they could introduce you to? Or are there any classes you could take to meet like minded folk? Alternatively there are weekend "meet ups" where you could meet people doing activities you enjoy.

I'd say meeting a partner in a nightclub is harder than it sounds. Maybe a snog or a one night stand- but someone you have a real connection with? Less likely.

SalviaOfficinalis · 05/08/2022 09:42

I met my DH on a night out 12 years ago, it can happen!

EBearhug · 05/08/2022 09:43

I went to a party on a Saturday, and when I got up to go at the end of the night, so did the guy I'd been chatting to, and he went to hug me, and then kissed me, and so I left to go to work on Monday morning... He'll be coming over this weekend again.

RedTonight · 05/08/2022 09:46

You just look at them and smile!!! It’s as simple as that then you will know if they smile back, come over or turn away.

Enjoy yourself!!

scoobydoo1971 · 05/08/2022 09:47

I met my ex-husband in a club, and we have two kids together. We are now divorced but amicable. It was a random coincidence that two people were in the club at the same time, and neither wanted to be there as I was not into clubs so much. I got dragged out by a friend who was on a rebound mission to pull. He had just been sacked from a pub job down the road, and met his friends at the club for drinks. I was being pursued by a man who was getting aggressive as I declined to go home with him, and my ex-husband stepped in to ask if I was ok. It can happen but I suspect less so now. I think clubs are for hook ups and casual dating, as you can hardly have a serious conversation with someone there and then when the beer goggles are off, they may not be right for you. Hobbies and courses are how I have met boyfriends since my divorce. OLD stories of horror put me off doing that.

Original poster

Vainandjustrealised · 05/08/2022 09:51

sunlovingcriminal · 05/08/2022 09:42

Are you sure "going on the pull" is the way forward?

Do your mates have anyone they could introduce you to? Or are there any classes you could take to meet like minded folk? Alternatively there are weekend "meet ups" where you could meet people doing activities you enjoy.

I'd say meeting a partner in a nightclub is harder than it sounds. Maybe a snog or a one night stand- but someone you have a real connection with? Less likely.

Nope - no one knows anyone single
Asked friends
Have been to loads of classes
Tried meetups
Go to the gym
Tried a dating agency

OP posts:

Original poster

Vainandjustrealised · 05/08/2022 09:51

EBearhug · 05/08/2022 09:43

I went to a party on a Saturday, and when I got up to go at the end of the night, so did the guy I'd been chatting to, and he went to hug me, and then kissed me, and so I left to go to work on Monday morning... He'll be coming over this weekend again.

Congrats! Wow! Did you know him
Before? Have a lovely weekend! X

OP posts:

Original poster

Vainandjustrealised · 05/08/2022 09:52

RedTonight · 05/08/2022 09:46

You just look at them and smile!!! It’s as simple as that then you will know if they smile back, come over or turn away.

Enjoy yourself!!

Will practice my smile today 😂

So I smile and if they walk over or do I smile and walk over? 😂

OP posts:

sunlovingcriminal · 05/08/2022 09:53

Fair enough! Good luck!

Original poster

Vainandjustrealised · 05/08/2022 09:54

sunlovingcriminal · 05/08/2022 09:53

Fair enough! Good luck!

Any way to find a man I have exhausted 😂 on the pull the old fashioned way is my last resort 😭

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SalviaOfficinalis · 05/08/2022 09:56

It’s all in the eye contact. If they glance at you, it’s often instinctive to look away, but you need to get clear eye contact locked in so they know you’re interested and haven’t just caught their eye accidentally.

Original poster

Vainandjustrealised · 05/08/2022 09:56

scoobydoo1971 · 05/08/2022 09:47

I met my ex-husband in a club, and we have two kids together. We are now divorced but amicable. It was a random coincidence that two people were in the club at the same time, and neither wanted to be there as I was not into clubs so much. I got dragged out by a friend who was on a rebound mission to pull. He had just been sacked from a pub job down the road, and met his friends at the club for drinks. I was being pursued by a man who was getting aggressive as I declined to go home with him, and my ex-husband stepped in to ask if I was ok. It can happen but I suspect less so now. I think clubs are for hook ups and casual dating, as you can hardly have a serious conversation with someone there and then when the beer goggles are off, they may not be right for you. Hobbies and courses are how I have met boyfriends since my divorce. OLD stories of horror put me off doing that.

OLD is really scary - the odds are now not worth it for me. When I open up mumsnet and I read 'I met him on Tinder, Bumble or Hinge' - I already know what way the story is ending.

I think OLD was good 5/6 years ago - thats the only time friends of mines met someone and ended up married - but not now.

OP posts:

Original poster

Vainandjustrealised · 05/08/2022 09:57

SalviaOfficinalis · 05/08/2022 09:56

It’s all in the eye contact. If they glance at you, it’s often instinctive to look away, but you need to get clear eye contact locked in so they know you’re interested and haven’t just caught their eye accidentally.

OK

👀

OP posts:

SpotlessMind88 · 05/08/2022 09:59

I would try going to bars rather than clubs. Much easier to talk without blaring music.

Original poster

Vainandjustrealised · 05/08/2022 10:06

SpotlessMind88 · 05/08/2022 09:59

I would try going to bars rather than clubs. Much easier to talk without blaring music.

Yes our plan was coctail bars rather than clubs

OP posts:

Divebar2021 · 05/08/2022 10:24

Well let me try and remember how it goes…. You first of all dress up in your finest and then once in the bar of choice separate from your friends and do a circuit of the room - to assess the options and be seen. Try not to stand in the middle of a group of women. Keep near the edge so it’s not too intimidating to walk up to you. If you like the look of someone give them eye contact and smile and maybe take yourself off to the bar on your own so they can approach you. Alternatively head to the ladies or otherwise walk by them giving non psycho eye contact or make a quip as you go ( no pressure). Caveat - I was using these techniques when you were born and I take no responsibility for effectiveness. I met my DH at work. Good luck.

Scepticalwotsits · 05/08/2022 10:42

Going on the pull may land you a string of hookups and the occasional BF but if you really want a life partner it’s unlikely to be found at the bar (not saying impossible)

Be you, do things you enjoy and you will bump into like minded people, also while you want a life partner you cannot tick this off as a action on a PDR, you cannot force it.

I met my DH when I was doing an activity I wanted to do. I went by myself not with the girls and went purely for the activity and ended up speaking with the person who became my husband.

ermagerdabear · 05/08/2022 10:50

Going on the pull may land you a string of hookups and the occasional BF but if you really want a life partner it’s unlikely to be found at the bar (not saying impossible)

I find this interesting because going from numerous threads on MN, I would assume you're also unlikely to meet a life partner on OLD either.

I'm mid forties, and I've been married for nearly 20 years and going out on the pull was how we used to do it. It's how I met my husband, in fact and there was none of this 'dating around' and having the 'exclusivity chat' either.

It's not meant to sound snarky, but I've been out of the game for a while and I'm genuinely interested as to how you would meet a life partner these day, if you didn't want to do OLD.

Musttryharder2021 · 05/08/2022 10:51

With no due disrespect, being mid thirties, you're not likely to get far being on the "pull" ...I think it's rare these days...
OLD is dreadful too....I think for a many people they are really against them especially if you're after marriage and children. That's a lot to find in someone in general.

Are you wanting marriage and children in a relationship or just a "boyfriend"?

Lollysticks12 · 05/08/2022 10:55

The last time I pulled on a night out he told me he was married, after we had been snogging all night 🙄 obviously that was the end of that lol

SpotlessMind88 · 05/08/2022 11:11

Vainandjustrealised · 05/08/2022 10:06

Yes our plan was coctail bars rather than clubs

Show quote history

@Vainandjustrealised fabulous! Have fun, have a laugh. When someone sees someone enjoying themselves it's infectious.
i met my DP in a pub. I asked if i could sit next to him as it was the only seat left, i actually thought he didn't want me to sit there but it turns out he was shy lol.

Marlboroandmalbec34 · 05/08/2022 11:18

I’m with you OP! Given up online. Trying to just get out more so far the only guys who have shown an interest have been old taxi drivers! Have fun

Annaferarri · 05/08/2022 11:30

Vainandjustrealised are you in the South East? I'm 34/F and in exactly the same position as you. OLD proving dire and all my friends are coupled up. No one to go on nights out with and would feel a bit silly asking my friends who are in relationships to wingwoman me.

If you're happy connecting feel free to DM me.

fghj149 · 05/08/2022 11:33

Make “letting your hair down and having a good time” the focus of your night out rather than putting emphasis on meeting someone, and that’s probably when it will happen 😄

Apart from DH I only ever met men on nights out, aside from the odd horror I met a lot of decent ones too. Let them come to you, you don’t have to do anything in particular just be open and friendly as pp have said 😊

Mysteriousnotice · 05/08/2022 11:36

SalviaOfficinalis · 05/08/2022 09:56

It’s all in the eye contact. If they glance at you, it’s often instinctive to look away, but you need to get clear eye contact locked in so they know you’re interested and haven’t just caught their eye accidentally.

This.
I did this last night with a guy I know from a hobby club. He'd hit up my inbox before I got home.
Currently casual chatting but there's definitely a "mutual thing".