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Original poster

Meeting someone on a night out

79 replies

Vainandjustrealised · 05/08/2022 09:37

35/F here
Had no sucess dating online
Decided to delete it and I already feel better for it

I have decided to start heading out on Fridays to socialise and 'on the pull'

I have not done this in years

I suppose I am heading out 'on the pull' as my priority in life now is to find my life partner - I have reached the top of my career a couple of years ago, glowed up physically emotionally and mentally and put a huge amount of work into myself

How do I go out as a mid thirties woman and not appear desperate? I am not going to approach guys but its been years (since I was 26/27) when I meet my LT ex at a bar and I cannot remember how it even happened? I remember he bought me a gin and tonic and I kissed him on the dance floor. I do not know if we made eyes or what 😂
I honestly think thats the last time i went on the pull

Confidence boosting tips and advice please
And any sucess stories of people who met their DP on a night out would be appreciated! ❤️

OP posts:
rumplestiltskinp · 05/08/2022 15:00

If you have time to go out on the pull why not join some groups in the daytime, like on Meetup? And find people with similar interests right away there instead of wondering who this drunk person really is in the mornings? A book club, writing club, walking group or whatever it is you're interested in?

xfan · 05/08/2022 15:03

So, do you intend on going alone, literally sitting in abar waiting to make "eyes" with someone?

HollowTalk · 05/08/2022 15:08

Who will you go with or do you plan to go alone?

The thing is that any single man that you see out and about will be online dating anyway. You will easily find someone to go home with you at the end of the night, but if you're looking for something more, are you sure a nightclub is the place to find someone?

SirenSays · 05/08/2022 15:11

I'm hoping you meet a great guy and then come back and tell us all about him!

Original poster
Vainandjustrealised · 05/08/2022 15:12

HollowTalk · 05/08/2022 15:08

Who will you go with or do you plan to go alone?

The thing is that any single man that you see out and about will be online dating anyway. You will easily find someone to go home with you at the end of the night, but if you're looking for something more, are you sure a nightclub is the place to find someone?

😂

I am not going alone - I am going with a friend.

OP posts:
Original poster
Vainandjustrealised · 05/08/2022 15:13

HollowTalk · 05/08/2022 15:08

Who will you go with or do you plan to go alone?

The thing is that any single man that you see out and about will be online dating anyway. You will easily find someone to go home with you at the end of the night, but if you're looking for something more, are you sure a nightclub is the place to find someone?

I am not going clubbing. I am going to a bar.

OP posts:
Original poster
Vainandjustrealised · 05/08/2022 15:13

xfan · 05/08/2022 15:03

So, do you intend on going alone, literally sitting in abar waiting to make "eyes" with someone?

No

👀

OP posts:
seaUrchinOne · 05/08/2022 15:14

I've met plenty of guys on a night out, they've not always been single though.
You never know though, you have to put yourself out there for a chance to meet anyone.

Musttryharder2021 · 05/08/2022 15:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NashvilleQueen · 05/08/2022 15:15

I'm excited for you!! Please update.

NashvilleQueen · 05/08/2022 15:16

Irish pubs and pubs with live music always seem to hold more potential.

Musttryharder2021 · 05/08/2022 15:16

NashvilleQueen · 05/08/2022 15:15

I'm excited for you!! Please update.

Yeah...I bet you wouldn't be doing it yourself?

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 05/08/2022 15:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

So you think the OP's plan is 'sad', and you think people trying OLD is 'dreadful'. Because she's mid-thirties? Confused

Is she supposed to resign herself to a lifetime of singledom?

She's being pro-active I don't see that as either sad or dreadful.

Original poster
Vainandjustrealised · 05/08/2022 15:23

seaUrchinOne · 05/08/2022 15:14

I've met plenty of guys on a night out, they've not always been single though.
You never know though, you have to put yourself out there for a chance to meet anyone.

I have met / seen plenty of married men on OLD too 🙈

OP posts:
Original poster
Vainandjustrealised · 05/08/2022 15:24

@StrychnineInTheSandwiches

They already made a similar PP further up the thread. Do not bite. 😘

OP posts:
Musttryharder2021 · 05/08/2022 15:25

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 05/08/2022 15:22

So you think the OP's plan is 'sad', and you think people trying OLD is 'dreadful'. Because she's mid-thirties? Confused

Is she supposed to resign herself to a lifetime of singledom?

She's being pro-active I don't see that as either sad or dreadful.

Show quote history

Maybe she needs to realise that being single isn't so bad? Most people stumble upon their partners there is something rather sad about looking for one...it isn't the same as being out and about and having fun and THEN meeting someone

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 05/08/2022 15:30

I really don't understand the thinking that romantic relationships should only be 'stumbled' upon. How bizarre.

Summerslam · 05/08/2022 15:36

Kitschnsync · 05/08/2022 13:47

Sorry please ignore, I’m new to mumsnet and meant to post this as a new topic!!

Email MNHQ and ask them to set your post up as a new thread.

Musttryharder2021 · 05/08/2022 15:52

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 05/08/2022 15:30

I really don't understand the thinking that romantic relationships should only be 'stumbled' upon. How bizarre.

Well the success rate of OLD vs other methods of meeting people speak for themselves

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 05/08/2022 15:57

Do you have stats?

DarkShade · 05/08/2022 16:00

Musttryharder2021 · 05/08/2022 15:25

Maybe she needs to realise that being single isn't so bad? Most people stumble upon their partners there is something rather sad about looking for one...it isn't the same as being out and about and having fun and THEN meeting someone

Show quote history

Doesn't make sense to me. If I want friends, I look for them by joining local interest groups. If I want friends for the kids, I start exchanging numbers with mums at parks and nursery gates. If I want a job, I search job sites and hand in CVs. If I want a pet, I look in rescue centers. If I want a new partner, I go and look in the local pub. What is weird about that?

BobMortimersPocketMeat · 05/08/2022 16:00

Musttryharder2021 · 05/08/2022 10:51

With no due disrespect, being mid thirties, you're not likely to get far being on the "pull" ...I think it's rare these days...
OLD is dreadful too....I think for a many people they are really against them especially if you're after marriage and children. That's a lot to find in someone in general.

Are you wanting marriage and children in a relationship or just a "boyfriend"?

Do you really start relationships with marriage and children at the forefront these days? What’s wrong with meeting someone, going out, spending time together and then seeing where it leads? How can you tell if someone is a potential life partner till you spend a lot of time together? And if they turn out not to be, well, you had fun! On to the next. Relationships seems to have got a lot more pressured and high stakes since the 80s and 90s when I was last in the game.

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 05/08/2022 16:14

Thinking back to where I met the men I had relationships with in my late 30s and early 40s, after coming out of a long relationship:

at a party
answering a newspaper lonely-hearts ad
at a 'politics in the pub' kind of informal discussion group
at a dance club
through a shared interest activity

Then I met DH through friends and we've been together since then. Meeting through friends has the advantage that people you like know and like him too, but there's not usually a large number of possibilities.

Shared interests are good, because you're enjoying what you're doing, and perhaps making new friends, even if you don't meet The One.

I've never used a dating agency/ marriage bureau, but several of my friends have had success with these.

Keeptbreathing · 05/08/2022 16:15

I met my fiance 3 years ago in a bar on a night out with friends. I was 33 at the time and didn't go looking as such. When people ask how we met I like to tell them the old fashioned way.

It can happen but I don't know if I was just lucky, right place at the right time but you never know unless you try. At least you can have some fun whilst doing so.

Musttryharder2021 · 05/08/2022 16:53

BobMortimersPocketMeat · 05/08/2022 16:00

Do you really start relationships with marriage and children at the forefront these days? What’s wrong with meeting someone, going out, spending time together and then seeing where it leads? How can you tell if someone is a potential life partner till you spend a lot of time together? And if they turn out not to be, well, you had fun! On to the next. Relationships seems to have got a lot more pressured and high stakes since the 80s and 90s when I was last in the game.

Show quote history

Yes you do. Have a look on threads on Mumsnet and if you're 35 and want these things then yes otherwise you're just wasting your time

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