@BleuNoir you know your response is such an extreme reaction to my measured comment here that it does throw up a lot of questions about how you communicate and how you deal with differences of opinion and viewpoint. If you talk like this to me after I took great efforts to be fair and considerate of everyone, tells me you are feeling a lot of rage at the moment. It drips from your words here.
So let’s address what you just said to me.
Saying that to someone who has lived with an autistic partner for 20 years and done the work on my self for YEARS, while he stays static and does not change… so that I could stay in the marriage. Such a blithe comment, so loaded with responsibility,
Ive lived with my autistic partner 30 years. Like I’ve said, I’m in the same position and have some insight. Nothing I said was a ‘blithe comment’. I would ask for the same respect that I’ve tried to give other posters and less of your animosity please.
I have no idea what work you have actually done, or what work your husband hasn’t. Typically, those with autism have to work very very hard all day long, at a lot of things. More than you or I do. So I know sometimes they relax so much at home that it can be hard on partners.
You seem so unhappy, so angry and so resentful. Can I understand that? Sure. But whatever work you have done, your anger directed at me right now leads me to think you are prone to misdirecting your frustrations and resentment. You are taking things so personally while getting angry at those with ND coming here taking your words so personally.
you don’t need to understand me or prioritise my well-being?? Ever??
I didn’t say that? If your partner is doing that, he’s a bad partner. It’s not autism. It’s not something I recognise in the many autistic people around me. I would never stay with someone like that.
Yes, with this quote you do expect us to be the sacrificial lamb.
No. nobody needs to be. That kind of language is misplaced here and not helpful within relationships to think like that. Everybody deserves a happy relationship that’s mutually beneficial and I don’t think people should stay long term if they don’t get what they need.
It will always be our fault more than autistic partner’s fault…
Or it’s nobody’s ‘fault’? The language is juvenile to me. Marriages breakdown for many reasons but almost all of them involve both the people in it. In individual scenarios, like for example, he never ever does housework… that would be something that is his/her responsibility fully. But the whole relationship itself, is about the two people in it and how they work it out, or not, together.
Not every NT person should or can be with someone who is ND. It just sometimes isn’t the right fit. This does not make it autisms fault, or the autistic persons fault. Or the NT’s. Relationships of any kind take work and in our situations they take something very different from relationships we have with other NT’s. That can then feel like a lot of work and more than other relationships. Because we are also essentially learning a whole new way of seeing the world. I understand this. I don’t think I’ve indicated in my previous comment that I don’t.