Reported H to Social services...now what?

[sleepingwiththeenemy]

Hi, I have other threads about what has led up to this, but now I am away from Ex H. have moved counties and started new life with the children following years of emotional and sometimes physical abuse. Because of his history of mental health problems, long stays in psych hospitals and suicidal tendencies I have pretty much 'disappeared' - he has no idea we've left or where we are.
On xmas eve DD disclosed some things to me relating to the time H used to take her into the bath with him...things which sound very much like he masturbated in front of her...she described an erect penis, he told her not to tell Mummy etc. I asked NSPCC for advice and they said in their opinion it is hughly likely that sexual abuse has taken place; that she is using sexualised language and behaviour far beyond her years and said I had to report it as if I tried to use it later to prevent contact my motives would be questioned.
So I phoned social services and they immediately informed the police. So now I have to wait to hear from the police.
What happens now? Has anyone any experience of this? I am terrified as he will be furious, absolutely livid when he is questioned. But I feel that children should always be believed and I have no reason to think she would or could make it up. Previosuly I caught him looking at porn with her - pretty hard core stuff (anal, oral, lesbian and group images).
I really do believe he will come after me - the NSPCC have told me that there is unlikely to be a conviction because of DDs age - the courts wouldn't put her through the ordeal so he'll be free to come after me. He has threatened many times to snatch her, and told me I'll never see her again.
Any advice?

[MissyTheFlouncer]

whats your pp addy can we just pay anyway??

[mamasara82]

Let everyone who wants to - give you a fiver (or what they can afford) for your martial arts classes it will do you so much good and won't break the bank and we will feel we are doing something for you. Pretty please.

[mamasara82]

You are so amazing. You might think you aren't coping but you are. And all of us are here (by internet of course) when you need us.

[dizietsma]

SWTE I know that after so long being wife to this man, considering his feelings is second nature to you, but he is not your responsibility and lost the right to any consideration from you the minute he raped you and your little girl. His life and his actions are his responsibility alone.

I'm glad you have a small group of trusted friends where you are, and I know I keep hassling you to reach out to people, but here's why- abusers isolate their victims from their support networks so it's harder for them to escape or fight the abuse. What you're living through right now is a monumentally difficult life crisis. You can do this alone, but it'd be so much easier with lots of people supporting you, closing ranks around you and protecting you.

Once in their turbulent relationship my stepfather decided to leave my mum and shag some other woman for a bit, mum had all these friends climb out of the woodwork tell her that they really didn't like him and they were glad they'd split up 'cos now they could be proper friends again. Perhaps something like that is the case for you? Obviously, be safe when contacting these people, block your number before you call so they can't 1471 you etc.

Your mum sounds awful, I'm sorry she's no use, ditto your brother. What about your dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins etc? Is there anyone in your family you got on with or trusted in the past?

Glad to hear you're on a rapid response with the cops. Have you spoken to Women's Aid about other steps you could take? I really think they could help you work out steps you could take to make yourself safer.

(((HUGS)))

diz x

[sleepingwiththeenemy]

Hi Dizietsma...my Dad died 12 years ago - I was very close to him. My sister I am also very close to but she's on the other side of the world. We do keep in touch weekly though, and she's aware of everything that has been going on and is as much of a sourceof comfort as the distance allows. Grandparents...never knew them and my mother systematically destroyed all relationships with her brothers and sisters over the years so I have no aunts and uncles, cousins etc to speak of.
I know absolutely about the isolation. He did that all the time. I made some good friends whilst H was in the army but when we left the posting he 'forbade' me to keep in contact with any of them. I did, secretly, and when he found out he went mental, accusing me of having affairs with them (they were all couples) etc.

[sleepingwiththeenemy]

Sorry, I cut that post short as DD was calling. What I meant to add was that I have no consideration whatsoever for him - you misunderstand me. As far as I'm concerned the b*stard can rot in hell for what he's done to us...my older 2 were robbed of their childhoods, he sexually abused our baby daughter and raped me...and distorted my perception of normality so much I didn't even recognise it! So I have no consideration for his feelings at all. What I meant was that I know the s*t is going to hit the fan and it's a huge undertaking for one person to shoulder and sometimes I think I'm not strong enough to bear that cross. If he tops himself then so be it...I shan't shed any tears over him. I will, however, struggle to explain to DD2 when she's older what happened to her Dad. I'm more concerned about his rage when he's taken in and questioned...that is my biggest fear. What he'll do to me or my children. The enormity just isn't sitting comfortably with me. Does that make more sense?

[edam]

Sleeping, you are incredible. Wishing you all the strength you need, and some extra too.

[sleepingwiththeenemy]

Notdoingthehousework...don't worry it won't warp me.I'm not an angry person by nature and the best 'revenge' I can have is to go forward and live a happy healthy life...me and the DC. He's taken enough of our pasts...I'm damned if that lowlife is going to take any of our futures.
And thanks to you,and Edam, for the wishes (and everyone else too)

Wish me luck for the video interview tomorrow.

[Wisteria]

SWTE - well done for everything you've done, you have immense strength. i am so glad you listened to your daughter and took action - you are right children should always be listened to.

Very very best of luck for tomorrow - let us know how you get on.

xx

[mamasara82]

Lots of luck for tomoorow. I hope it goes as well as can be expected for you.

Will you accept donations for your martial arts yet. If you don't want to give out your email then everyone else can give you theirs and do it that way. We all really feel helpless and feel that this is the only way we can help YOU

[cinnamontam]

Good luck for tomorrow. Hope you get some sleep tonight x

[eandh]

Good luck for tomorrow will be thinking of you and please please think about the martial arts thing as I'd happily donate towards it and it'll be a big sef confidence thing for you (and please be assured the police will do everything they can to secure a conviction in a case like this)

[onebatmother]

Thinking of you SWTE.

[sleepingwiththeenemy]

Thanks all. Well, I've just re typed up my notes with accurate dates etc and it now stretches to 12 pages. It's been a useful exercise for me, as to see it all down in balck and white has really peed me off and made it clear to me just how abusive he has been, and how many times he did in fact force me into sex. It's just dispelled any doubts in my mind, not about the LO but about my marriage and how nasty and evil he is.
The appointment is now at 1...it's been brought forward so I've less time to wait. Offto get dressed now, and Oh God, I'm nervous!

[pageturner]

Thinking of you and will be sending all postive vibes come 1pm.

[onebatmother]

Really, really good luck. You are well-armed, brave and clever, and although I'm sure it will be difficult and painful, you will do brilliantly.

[mamasara82]

We will all be thinking of you at 1pm. Good luck.

[gomez]

Thinking of you SWTE. I hope this afternoon achieves what you need it to. You can be so proud of yourself and your strength in dealing with this for you and your 3 children.

I too would be more than happy to help with the cost of a self-defence/matrial art class so please reconsider - it would be such a positive step for you and help your confidence.

[sleepingwiththeenemy]

Hi again. Well, I've done all I can do for now. The interview was tough, as I expected...very hard describing events in graphic detail. I've had a really bad throat and chest the last few days and talking for so long meant that My voice has just about gone...that and the effort of not crying. Anyway, it's done now. He said that it'll probably be months before anything happens- as me and the children are safe they will take their time. He seemed really pleased with the way it went, the interview should have lasted about 40 minutes he said but it went on for 2 hours, mostly me talking...I'm afraid once I started I couldn't stop!!! But again he said it was good...I was giving him answers before he'd asked them.
The older 2 DC have to give theirs on Thursdaymorning and then it's 'in the lap of the Gods' so to speak.

[ShinyDysonHereICome]

Hi, you must be utterly exhausted but well done that's a massive burden out of the way now

It sounds as though the police are keeping you safe, and supporting you well.

I do hope that Thursday goes well too.

Much love x

[onebatmother]

bloody, bloody well done. I'm standing up to give you an ovation. I have enormous admiration for you.

[cinnamontam]

Me standing up too.

Wishing your kids all the best for Thursday.
xx

[littlegreyrabbit]

You are an incredibly brave woman. Your children are very very lucky to have you as an example. I am sure the worst is over for you all now.

Good luck for a happy positive future.