Hello ladies, and sorry I haven't updated for a couple of days.
I don't have any orders in place; he dropped his application for contact when he was being investigated for the abuse, so it wasn't an issue until now. And it's really hard to get an anti molestation order when he hasn't 'done' anything iyswim? or at least that's what my old solicitor told me.
Building the head is leaving today - he was just an interim head as the permanent one resigned and the new one doesn't start til after Easter so he came out of retirement to fill in. I may have to get a meeting with the new one in the new term to lay all my cards on the table at the outset.
Ok, so...my house is now a cross between fort knox and a prison. Whilst it makes me feel safer it is also a constant reminder of what's going on. They reinforced all the doors (I have front, side and back), put heavy duty locks on the front, strengthened the door frames, put bars across the doors so even if he smashed the glass the bars would stop him getting in, and it stops him kicking the wood panels through. A motion activated light at the side and back entrances, anti climb paint on the walls and extension, door alarms and shock alarms on all the windows (I sneezed last night and set them off!) They are now waiting for confirmation that I can have the safe room.
My next door neighbour is adding to my stress levels though. I told you he has bi polar and adhd I think? And he was out taking photos the other night? Well Monday night BF stayed over, and about 1am we both woke to hear all this banging, outside (we share the garden) and inside. My heart was thumping because...well you know. ANyway, next thing he started screaming at his dog...remember this is 1am. He was hysterical, chasing the dog around the house, screaming that he was going to kill it, then they both came outside into the garden and the dog was cowering and he picked her up and threw her across the garden all the time yelling and screaming at her. he went back in, and we could see/hear him stuffing her in the bath and all the water sploshing around as she struggled to get out. Now, he told me he has no gas, so no hot water or heating (he hasn't paid his rent so can't ask the agents to fix it), so this dog was washed in freezing cold water and then left to dry in a freezing house. He was then hitting the dog. (We could see all this as the bathrooms are on the ground floor in these houses and we were upstairs). BF opened the window and shouted at him, and it all stopped abruptly.
Last night I was cooking in the kitchen and I looked up and he was standing at the window. Bloody idiot, that's so not what I need right now! I jumped, swore, and went to the back door. He apologised for the previous night and said, and I quote, 'I wanted to thank your other half for shouting at me last night. I didn't even know I had lost the plot. I was out of control'. And the ran back to his house.
Surely to God, if he has these rages and doesn't recognise that he loses the plot like that he shouldn't be living alone? He was like a man possessed. So my stress levels have risen even further.
On Monday afternoon I was sitting at the laptop while the men were working on the house, and I got a pain in my chest. It got steadily worse, and spread up into my throat and neck and jaw, then through into my back between my shoulder blades. I went light headed and really thought the workmen would come back into the room and find me collapsed on the floor. It passed after about 20 minutes, but all day yesterday I was having pins and needles in my left hand, and then it was going cold in my fingers. I was convinced I was having a heart attack. Maybe it was a panic attack? Or anxiety? It scared the crap out of me.
Very weirdly I got a google alert for HIS name, saying there was a facebook page in his name. I've had these alerts on since we broke up, and now and again something comes up but is usually someone else with the same name but I had a look anyway and sure enough there was a page with his name and photo...he is normally very cagey and wouldn't have it set to public. I don't have facebook anymore, so I text my best friend and asked her to have a look for me, to see if there was anything of interest i.e him living with stepkids (worried he'll do the same to other kids). She phoned me back to say there was nothing on there realy, apart from a link to something...she clicked on it and it came up with the newspaper article about him being on trial for rape!!! I mean, wtf??? What is he playing at?
I feel like I'm losing my marbles!