Reported H to Social services...now what?

[sleepingwiththeenemy]

Hi, I have other threads about what has led up to this, but now I am away from Ex H. have moved counties and started new life with the children following years of emotional and sometimes physical abuse. Because of his history of mental health problems, long stays in psych hospitals and suicidal tendencies I have pretty much 'disappeared' - he has no idea we've left or where we are.
On xmas eve DD disclosed some things to me relating to the time H used to take her into the bath with him...things which sound very much like he masturbated in front of her...she described an erect penis, he told her not to tell Mummy etc. I asked NSPCC for advice and they said in their opinion it is hughly likely that sexual abuse has taken place; that she is using sexualised language and behaviour far beyond her years and said I had to report it as if I tried to use it later to prevent contact my motives would be questioned.
So I phoned social services and they immediately informed the police. So now I have to wait to hear from the police.
What happens now? Has anyone any experience of this? I am terrified as he will be furious, absolutely livid when he is questioned. But I feel that children should always be believed and I have no reason to think she would or could make it up. Previosuly I caught him looking at porn with her - pretty hard core stuff (anal, oral, lesbian and group images).
I really do believe he will come after me - the NSPCC have told me that there is unlikely to be a conviction because of DDs age - the courts wouldn't put her through the ordeal so he'll be free to come after me. He has threatened many times to snatch her, and told me I'll never see her again.
Any advice?

The system absolutely sucks if he can get your address that easily from a solicitor. It's just shocking to me that the solicitor would give that address that easily. Surely to God that is wrong on so many levels? Our school can't give me a list of email addresses for parents in my son's year because of the data protection act and yet a solicitor can find you and just give this guy your address, no questions asked?

Would the police contact the solicitors and tell them the background? As you say mediation is not an option so I wouldn't wait till I got a letter about mediation. I would be contacting a solicitor ASAP.

He's not as clever and all-powerful as he thinks he is, though, is he? He wasn't unable to sneak up on you unawares. You've got allies, you've got resources, you've got lots of people on your side. He doesn't have super-powers. You can get through this.

Sleeping, I remember your journey and have often wondered how it all worked out for you. I'm so sorry you are going thought this all again. I know you will stay string for your kids, just as you did before, you are a phenomenal woman. I am glad you now have a DP to support YOU in all this. I hope your ex gets squashed by a bus. X

Crikey. I've just read the whole thread and you other. I'm so gutted that the trial fell apart, and even more so now with this update.

Wishing you the very best. Please try not to sound so defeatist. We won't win. :)

Thought? String?? I can spell...honestly I can!

Sleeping - I've read through this thread and the other one and I can't believe that he has found you - and to do it so easily.

I have to post to say that I think you are a terrific woman and so brave. You have gotten through this once and do you know what - I'm sure you will be strong enough to do it again.

I want to wish you the very best of luck in this, you deserve nothing else but the best.

Have spent today reading through your threads. I can not believe he has found you, but am gladdened to hear the police/agencies have moved quickly once you notified them.
I am in awe of you sleeping, I truly am.
He will not win.
You will get through this - all the wonderful advice and support you have had (and still have) from MN will strengthen you even more.

I don't have anything else to add that others have not said. You and your children deserve the best of everything and I have no doubt you will get this....I am wishing you well. Best wishes and stay strong.

Yes, you have the police, SS and other professional agencies on your side. And you are living miles away from your former home which means that any court action will involve a new judge, which may well lead to moves being made against this man. He might have conned one solicitor with a tale of woe (Again, I am not an expert but it seems to me that the solicitor may have acted very irresponsibly in giving out your address without making sure that there was no risk atttached to doing so and you might even be able to make a complaint).

I did reply before but it disappeared.

the police have mentioned their concerns over how he found us, and whether it was him or the solicitor, and if it was the solicitor have any laws been broken etc.

In all the mess I have run out of anti depressants and withdrawal is kicking in...dr won't write another prescription til tomorrow and I'm feeling lousy. I don't know if any of you have experienced this, but it brings on vertigo, nausea, headaches...it feels like the ground is rising up towards my eyes and the room is spinning. Just adds to my general feeling of shittiness.

Also, legal aid stops this month doesn't it? So I am a bit stuffed as I cannot afford legal fees. God, it's all such a mess! Maybe that's why he is doing this now, because he knows this?

Bleeugghh...those last 2 posts sound very self pitying don't they? Sorry, don't mean to be. I'm just feeling a bit worn down atm.

I think you can still get legal aid in order to get an injunction to protect you from harm. The legal aid eligibility calculator used by legal professionals is here and suggests you may have to pay a contribution, but get some legal aid. Worth speaking to Community Legal Advice to see what they say.

Unfortunately it is very possible that this man has begun to act against you again because of the changes to legal aid: I had the impression from your previous threads that, while he is a hideous, disgusting and thoroughly unstable individual, he is also quite clever enough to notice that legal aid is being withdrawn for a lot of things and decide that now is a good time to make a move. However, that still doesn't mean he will win. He has not been found innocent of harming you and your DC, and there should be enough on record to make it possible to get restraining orders against him - as I said, a different judge in a different area will hopefully be one who understands the dangers of abusive men like him and not one of the old-style woman-hating incompetents.

Legal aid is supposed to be still available in domestic abuse cases.

Hi i am really sorry to be a the bringer of bad news but even with chikdren who are in care were there parents are proven to have abused there children they still get contact most likey they will simply say supervised

I have been a foster carer for 8 years even parents who are deemed to be so dangrous there babies are whipped away at birth STILL GET CONTact SS as well as COURTS are of the view that contact is best for a child so it will be for you to prove why he shouldnt have it not him to prove he should

The standred view is my many professionals and CAFCAS that contact should almost always happen

SolidGoldBrass good point but he wil have to go and see a mediator before he gets leave to apply for cour

sleeping I have just read your whole thread and can't believe what you have been through. I can't even begin to imagine the stress of having him turn up in your lives again. It sounds like the police are good and on the ball where you are now.

I hope that you can get this quickly resolved and the worry will go away soon. I don't have anything useful to add I'm afraid.

I was also pleased to hear that your elder DD has settled down in the past few years.

Blimey - I was thinking of you just last week, wondering how things were and then I thought "well, no news is good news". I'm so gutted this has happened - I'd had visions of you living in happy peace and quiet.
But hang on to the fact it sounds like the police/SS etc are being very proactive. Will be thinking of you.

DomJolly, it does sound as though this man can't hold it together for long enough to go through mediation (he's behaved irrationally etc in the past, smashed his house, disappeared, refused treatment), and with a bit of luck he will actually just kill himself before he tracks the OP down.

OMG He won't win, not we.

Morning

Well, as suspected the mediation service have said no...mediation will not be offered so I have a letter from his solicitor asking me to confirm if I will allow direct contact or not. Over my dead body. What I feel like doing is writing back personally and asking would THEY hand over their child to a rapist and paedophile? I won't obviously, although I thought it strange that the letter said they look forward to hearing from either myself personally or my solicitor. I have a meeting with the domestic abuse specialist team on Friday, and they advise on legal matters etc so will ask them what to do next.

I had a total meltdown last night, I think perhaps it was a panic attack of some kind. DP is up to his eyes in business matters, and although I can talk to him about what's going on I think he has so much going on that I am just adding to that. And he tells me not to worry, that it will all be ok but he can't promise that can he? SO I keep a lot of it in. Last night I think it all just overspilled. I am terrified of what is happening and what will happen, I am in constant pain from a long standing back problem, I have 2 kids with flu at home, the house is totally upside down as DP is having it decorated so it's in a mess...and to top it all I have not had an anti depressant since Friday (prescription ready today). I feel like I am looking after everyone and no one is there to look after me, even though DP and the DC are doing their best. I felt like the walls were closing in, I panicked, I ranted...if I had had petrol in the car I'd have just driven and not stopped. In the end I took a sleeping tablet and knocked myself out til this morning.

It's my understanding that (up to the point of breaking the law) a solicitor is obliged to do what his/her client instructs even when it's obvious the client is in the wrong and full of shit. So the fact that you are recieving letters from this solicitor doesn't mean they have any power and you do not have to obey them. I expect that the specialist team will advise or arrange a letter to be sent to XH solicitor along the lines of 'No, we will not be complying or co-operating because of your client's past behaviour, and we are getting a restraining order, so stick that up your arse and sod off' - well, probably in rather more formal terms than that.

I know it's really horrible but remember: he doesn't have superpowers, he's not above the law, and you have a lot of people on your side and working on your behalf.

Check carefully about legal aid.
My understanding is that it won't be available for divorces, but it might be for DV and possibly where children are concerned.

From www.justice.gov.uk/legal-aid/newslatest-updates/legal-aid-reform
"Funding of any case where the failure to do so would result in a breach of human rights law and certain criteria are met"

Hi Solid, yes in my rational mind I know that, but unfortunately my fear sometimes overtakes my sanity. I am never far from tears at the moment, in any given situation. It's horrible. Despite the fact that I am surrounded by supportive people I feel so lonely, does that make sense? DD1 probably understands more than anyone as she's 18 and has been there with me all along and was old enough to know what was going on at the time. But she has a new bf and she is rarely here. It's good for her in a way because she is away from this and having fun, but I miss her, she's been by my side through it all.

As for the superpowers...he is a narcissist and believes he is above the law. he never showed for his injunction hearing back then, he refused service of his divorce papers, he wouldn't return calls from social services...and when someone has nothing to lose they are at their most dangerous, which I believe to be the case with him. He's incapable of love or being loved, his children from his first marriage wanted little to do with him and are adults now anyway, he has been named in the paper as a rapist, he has set up 3 separate companies that I know of, and not one of them has ever traded according to companies house.

I was just doing a google search of how someone can trace their children if they disappear with the mother (or father). Apparently it's easy...for £50 you can get a 'trace' company who will usually get a result within the same day. They can access debt companies, utilities, even benefits offices if you are claiming. Is there no escape???

"for £50 you can get a 'trace' company who will usually get a result within the same day. They can access debt companies, utilities, even benefits offices if you are claiming."

I had no idea that was legal. What happens to people in the witness protection programme, surely they must be under the radar?

Have you picked up your prescription yet, sleeping?