Reported H to Social services...now what?

[sleepingwiththeenemy]

Hi, I have other threads about what has led up to this, but now I am away from Ex H. have moved counties and started new life with the children following years of emotional and sometimes physical abuse. Because of his history of mental health problems, long stays in psych hospitals and suicidal tendencies I have pretty much 'disappeared' - he has no idea we've left or where we are.
On xmas eve DD disclosed some things to me relating to the time H used to take her into the bath with him...things which sound very much like he masturbated in front of her...she described an erect penis, he told her not to tell Mummy etc. I asked NSPCC for advice and they said in their opinion it is hughly likely that sexual abuse has taken place; that she is using sexualised language and behaviour far beyond her years and said I had to report it as if I tried to use it later to prevent contact my motives would be questioned.
So I phoned social services and they immediately informed the police. So now I have to wait to hear from the police.
What happens now? Has anyone any experience of this? I am terrified as he will be furious, absolutely livid when he is questioned. But I feel that children should always be believed and I have no reason to think she would or could make it up. Previosuly I caught him looking at porn with her - pretty hard core stuff (anal, oral, lesbian and group images).
I really do believe he will come after me - the NSPCC have told me that there is unlikely to be a conviction because of DDs age - the courts wouldn't put her through the ordeal so he'll be free to come after me. He has threatened many times to snatch her, and told me I'll never see her again.
Any advice?

Hey sleeping

Glad thungs are underway, it probably will get tougher with dd1 before it gets better and possibly not till after the trial, like you she needs closure to be able to come to terms with whats happened.

Don't ever doubt that you are doing a fab job I feel humbled every time I read one of your posts.

xxx

Hi, and thanks again.

Well, found out today that it's likely he's disappeared. The solicitor sent divorce papers to him a while back which he failed to acknowledge, so they applied to the courts to have a process server take them by hand to the address we had. He wasn't there, had movd out and they were given a new address for him. They went there only to be told that he had trashed the place, causing £4000 worth of damage to the house and had disappeared!

I've spoken to the police and they ssaid there's nothing they can do until his next court appearance in Nov...if he doesn't show then they can act. I'm really nervous now as he's obviously had some kind of breakdown if he's been trashing the place he lives...given his mental state and history I am seriously freaked out by this.

Its not really that surprising given what you have told us about him is it....but remember he does not know where you are. It must be very scary not knowing where he is but he has no idea where you are. You ahve an injunction don't you? Just make sure you and the kids ahve plenty of credit on there phones and to call the police first then you.

xx

Oh and also, just cause he ran off from the place he was staying doesn't mean he's looking for you, he might still turn up at the court remember this is just to set the next date at the crown court - there is no reason for him not to turn up.

WHY didn't they put the bastard on remand.

Hope you're OK.

I spoke to the DC who has been dealing with it up here yesterday. He said that it should be reiterated to the police down there that he has a history of suicide, and still does have suicidal tendencies, and that if he's missing they need to find him. He said this not because i care whether he lives or dies but because I want my day in court, I want the world to know what he did and I want him to suffer the shame and humiliation (or a fraction of it) that me and the DC felt. In other words suicide would be too good for him, as he'd be 'getting away' with being answerable for his crimes.
I need to speak to the solicitor again, to get the facts straight as I was in a panic when she called me the other day - then I need to get back to the police.

Policywonk...I'm fine thanks largely due to my lovely Dr upping my dosage of antidepressants!

Sleeping I have just come back to this thread ... I cannot believe how far you have come since you first posted.

All I can say is WEll Done, you are so strong. You should be really proud of yourself adn yor children.

Good Luck with the Court Case. I hope he turns up.

sleepingwiththeenemy - I have just read all this thread, having never seen it before.

My God, you are strong. What hell you have had to endure.

I feel so so sad for you, but you are an amazing woman and a fantastic mother.

Stay strong. I wish I knew you in rl, I'd give you the hugs you deserve.

Keep posting. Stay strong.

echos of policy - why the hell they didn't lock him up - anyhow.

he doesn't know where you are, but agree keep credit on your phone and an air of caution around you - make sure you and the kids have a 'safe' word if you can - might be worth mentioning it to the schools as well??
lets hope and prey he doesn't come near you then come nov he's held on remand.

You will have your day.

Any update sleeping?

Hi

Believe it or not there is nothing to report as yet. The plea and directions hearing was due last Friday, but was adjourned so it is scheduled for tomorrow morning. It's just dragging on and on...if the hearing goes ahead tomorrow and he pleads not guilty I should be given a date for the trial so at least I'll know where I stand. If he pleads guilty then that's pretty much that, it'll be adjourned for sentencing and presumably he'll be locked up. If I find anything out tomorrow I'll let you know.

In the meantime, me and the DC are pretty much ready for Xmas . I've managed, by very careful budgeting, to buy them their pressies, stuff they asked for and some stuff they didn't. I've got my turkey etc, tree's up...I'm really proud of myself! And I've not gone into debt at all for it. It's amazing what you can do when you set your mind to it! lol

Have a lovley Chrisstmas,
Goo dluck to you and your family in the new year.

Yes, have a good Christmas. What amazing things you've achieved this year.

Was just thinking about you and hoping you were hahving a good new Year!!

xxx

LBAM - new thread here Sleeping's update

Ok...here we go again. I've resurrected this thread so that memories can be refreshed on the situation.

For those that remember me...he has tracked us down. I can't believe it, 4+ years of being free of him and then last week I received a letter out of the blue from a solicitor telling me he wants to re establish contact with DD2...the same DD who he abused in the most vile way. I went to pieces, totally. I was hysterical, and am now living in fear that he will turn up, as the solicitor is bound to have given him my address. I have no idea how he found us, we changed our name, none of the schools are allowed to use the children's names/photos in papers/newsletters/school websites. I am on the electoral register anonymously. It completely freaks me out that he could be outside my house, watching me, watching the DC.

My beautiful DP that I have now has moved in with us as I am so scared, he has installed a panic alarm at the front door, put up alarms on doors and windows, the school has been told that DD2 cannot leave the school steps without either myself, or my older DCs or my partner are there (Older DC are now 16 and 18).

I went straight to the police, who have really got behind us...they came out and did a risk assessment and we have been flagged as 'high risk', we have a trigger word to use if we call 999 which will immediately set a rapid response. Social services are now involved again to make sure DC are protected and safe, the local domestic violence centre just called and I have to go and see them on Friday. They are also investigating him, to make sure that he is not around any other children as he is not deemed safe.

I am sick with fear. I don't like leaving the house alone. I keep curtains closed and doors chained and locked at all times. I carry a personal attack alarm everywhere I go.

The strange thing is that I have a certainty that this is not going to end well for me. I feel almost like I have been given a diagnosis of a terminal illness, that it is certain that it will kill me, but no one knows when or where. He told me years ago that he would find me, whether it took days months or years, and that when he did I would never see DD2 again, he would take her, or that he would make sure no one ever saw me again. As I am what is standing between him and DD2 I fully expect him to get me out of the way. Everyone told me that he would have forgotten all about us by now, but I knew that would not be the case, and the fact that he has taken 4/5 years to track us down just proves that I was right. And all the time he will have been stewing and raging about 'what I did to him'.

My first instinct was to run again, but it seems I can't hide from him, that he can find me wherever we go.

I'm completely devastated.

I forgot to add that we moved yet again...we are now 100+ miles away from where we were when the trial was taking place, and still he found us.

Can the police help you to relocate and change your names again?

I am really really sorry that he has found you. How the hell has he managed that? Is there anyone you kept in touch with that could have betrayed you?

I would seriously be thinking about leaving the country.

There will be many who would strongly disagree with that, but it's certainly what I would do if at all possible.

God. I am SO sorry he hasn't dropped off the face of the earth. How the hell did he find you? Bloody hell. I am not surprised you are terrified.

This thread has stuck with me all these years; I was so pleased to hear how much better things were for you, and am gutted that he has found you again. I have no help to offer but just wanted to say how sorry I am for you at this terrifying time.

I have just found this thread....and I'm amazed....no wonder you are scared. Why the hell is he allowed to contact you?
Sorry if I missed that bit, didn't read every single post...

Keep strong.

LadyPeter - same here. As soon as the thread title popped up I remembered it. I have so often wondered how sleeping was doing. And her DCs.

I can't believe he has managed to track them down. Sleeping - it couldn't be through your mother could it?

Ugh. What about witness protection? Could the police help you to vanish?

Just read all your threads, how gutting for you, but you know what, you beat the bastard once, you are an amazing and strong woman and you can beat the bastard again. I'm assuming your old two dc know most of the story so can help protect dd2.