Reported H to Social services...now what?

[sleepingwiththeenemy]

Hi, I have other threads about what has led up to this, but now I am away from Ex H. have moved counties and started new life with the children following years of emotional and sometimes physical abuse. Because of his history of mental health problems, long stays in psych hospitals and suicidal tendencies I have pretty much 'disappeared' - he has no idea we've left or where we are.
On xmas eve DD disclosed some things to me relating to the time H used to take her into the bath with him...things which sound very much like he masturbated in front of her...she described an erect penis, he told her not to tell Mummy etc. I asked NSPCC for advice and they said in their opinion it is hughly likely that sexual abuse has taken place; that she is using sexualised language and behaviour far beyond her years and said I had to report it as if I tried to use it later to prevent contact my motives would be questioned.
So I phoned social services and they immediately informed the police. So now I have to wait to hear from the police.
What happens now? Has anyone any experience of this? I am terrified as he will be furious, absolutely livid when he is questioned. But I feel that children should always be believed and I have no reason to think she would or could make it up. Previosuly I caught him looking at porn with her - pretty hard core stuff (anal, oral, lesbian and group images).
I really do believe he will come after me - the NSPCC have told me that there is unlikely to be a conviction because of DDs age - the courts wouldn't put her through the ordeal so he'll be free to come after me. He has threatened many times to snatch her, and told me I'll never see her again.
Any advice?

SWTE. I am so glad you are finally finding that happiness. I can't find the right words but can see you and your family can only go from strength to strength now.

surely that fact in it's self will prevent your X from having contact with your DD2? and if not full contact will ensure she has limited supervised contact? lets now hope and pray they throw the book at him, and he can never harm any of your children again.

Am so glad you're all getting on so much better now. don't ever doubt yourself, you're one strong lady and I take my hat off to you - many others would have sank.

will keep an eye out for you but hope your life goes form strength to strength now.

hi sleeping
wow, you are one wonderful woman. may all the luck in the world be with you and your family from here on in.

i wonder if youd cat me about something pls? absolutely nothing sinister! just want to say something a bit private just to you (and you dont accept cat's)

will also be making a donation to each of the nspcc and womens aid in your honour, btw. all the best xxx

What an incredible journey. My heart goes out to you SWTE. You're an inspiration.

Good luck for you and the children in the future.

xxx

Hi everyone

I don't know what to say. You are all so kind, and I still have days of doubting myself, so your messages really do lift me up. So thankyou again.

Ruffle...I will add CAT when I get back from camping, as I don't have the money in my account at the mo . But I will do it when I return. I'm taking the kids camping on Sunday (should be funny as I've never been before but it's the only hols we can afford), so I'll be away for just over a week.

Your remarks have made me seriously think about settling down to writing a book about the whole messy thing. I love writing,and find it incredibly cathartic, and maybe in doing so it will give hope to other women in my situation.

Anyway, here's wishing for sunny weather for next week (positive vibes needed here again ladies) so hope you all have a good week and I'll update you when I get back.

xx

sleeping, you've made me cry (of happiness for you). Next time I donate things I will look for a women's refuge.
HAVE A WONDERFUL LIFE.

Hope you ahve a fab holiday - does anyone know how to donate to a refuge??? Sorry stupid question - are they in the phone book?

nik 76, no! not stupid question at all! I've been looking into it (as have lots of baby stuff and would prefer to give to people who could use it)

Obviously a women's refuge isn't going to give an address, but if you google 'womensaid,co.uk"
there is a local phone number.....

Hi everyone

Sorry it's been a while but I've not been on line much since we came back from camping.

Not an awful lot to report really; he is due to answer bail next week, but the CPS are still looking into whether he can be charged with anything more than 'just' rape, i.e the abuse of DD2 or the cruelty towards the older children. So when he answers bail he will be re-bailed yet again! No charges have been brought as yet but I am assured that he will be charged with rape.

It's odd really, it's like living in a twilight world. On the surface life goes on, but there is always the undercurrent of tension and anxiety. I just wish it'd all go away.

Apart from that we're doing fine. DD2 starts school in September (where does the time go?), DS starts high school and DD1 goes into year 9.

Anyway, just thought I'd drop you a line to let you know where we're at.

Thanks for the update - I have followed your story and think about you and your bravery all the time. Good luck to you, and I hope everything works out - much love x x

Hi all, nothing to report yet except that he has been bailed yet again til 22 September! but I wanted to ask your advice...
You all know what me and the children have been through. You also know I met someone else, and all seemed really well BUT...there have been problems, and I have to say they are mostly his. Despite what's going on on our lives I am still pretty laid back and even tempered but this man sulks all the time, at least once a week he storms out, because I have said the wrong thing, or said the right thing the wrong way. He's lovely with my youngest 2, but he just can't seem to get on with my oldest. I admit she can be a very difficult girl, but she has been abused by her stepdad and made to feel completely unwanted, so naturally has her guard up. She's not rude to him at all, just wary.
Anyway, last straw came when he turned up at mine at 7.30 am, in his lorry, last week, and asked me to go into town and pay some money into MY account, so that he could use m debit card to pay car insurance. Then handed me a prescription to hand into the dr, and finally told me to be at his for 5 that evening so he could use the card. Despite him being on his motorbike, he didn't come and pick me up that evening so I had to walk 25 minutes to his, with 2 of the kids. When we got there he asked 'how did you get here'...to which I said 'I walked, as always' and he just flipped...started ranting and raving about my attitude, said I do nothing for him (he even brings his washing to mine), and really went to town. My children walked out of the room. I aksed him to calm down and use my card for the insurance and he told me to stick it, that he didn't want it now, and wanted nothing from me! So I;d gone into town, gone to the dr and walked 25 mins to his (and 25 back) for nothing. I was furious. To top it all, the car he wanted insured is a 2 seater sports car he's just bought...and is trading in the estate car for it...thus leaving us with no transport unless I don't have my kids with me ever!
then, his mother calls, and tells me that he needs a woman to run around after him, and make all the effort and that basically i should put up or shut up!!! She also suggested I should go to his house once a week and clean it for him!!! the man is 47 for God's sake.
So...on the surface it's ok...he's been very good to us, gave us a roof over our heads etc...but I repaid him tenfold by paying for all his food and cooking, cleaning, washing etc...and now I have my own house I don't have the time or money to look after him as well as myself and 3 kids.
My instinct is to turn tail and run from this relationship. I've just got out of one controlling relationship, and me and the kids need a calm, gentle man, not a man child. What do you think?

Hi Sleeping, have been wondering how things are with you!

I think you have answered your own question with regard to your new bloke. You have just walked away from a really awful controlling relationship and are rebuilding your life with your DSc.

You know in your heart that you deserve better and so do your DCs and this bloke knowing what he knows about you should not be so manipulative and controlling. Is he worth it?

Hello Sleeping, I have kept up with your thread although not posted. I think you need to walk away from this relationship for your own sanity.

Best wishes and good luck.

Leave him please he is not want you need right now (if ever!)

For a start, he sounds too controlling. Secondly, he sounds like he wants a skivvy! And thirdly, sounds like you have to put up with the mum as well as him!!

The last thing your kids need to see is another destructive relationship, do it for them and for yourself.

You will find happiness with the right man This just doesnt sound like "him"

Sleeping - I don't think I've ever posted here but have read the thread and thought about you often. You have done so, so well and have an unbelievable strength of character. Please don't undo all the hard work of this year by committing yourself any further to another controlling man. Take some time out from relationships - have some fun, think about yourself and the DCs, not others. Walk away.

God Sleeping - walk away! There is a reason he is single at 47!

You have been to hell and back to get you and your DCs away from your ex. And you have done brilliantly. You do not need this kind of crap from anyone.

I would also worry what effect this will all have on your eldest DD. She has been through so much and you have shown her how strong you are - putting up with this crap will send her confused signal I think. You are worth more.

I agree with Buda, this will confuse & probably upset your eldest DD even more

why are you with him again?

RUN RUN RUN!!!! You have been to hell and back. You will meet someone, it may be years, it may be weeks, but you will. You must break this pattern NOW!!! Do not bring yourself and your children in to this dreadful relationship. Please please leave him NOW!! You can do it!

Beetroot - she is not back with her ex! This is a new bloke who seems to want to control sleeping.

Hi...that's what I thought! . Just wanted to turn to my friends once more and ask their advice.
the worst thing is that his mother, on the phone, was going on about how I am too protective of my kids, how I invest too much time in them, that when my oldest two are at their Dad's I should leave my little one with her overnight, as I am too clingy!!! No f*ing wonder is it? Last time I trusted anyone with my kids look what happened. And I have been very careful not to stifle the kids...they play out, they go to the cinema with friends, they have sleepovers...but I was in tears as she made me feel (once again) like a crap mother! She said I won't have a word said against DD1...well actually no, I won't. if she's a pain I'll tell her, we argue and I'm the first to admit she can be a royal pain in the a**e. But it's not her place, or his for that matter, to tell me that. They've all been put down and criticised by people in a position of trust, and I'm not allowing that to happen anymore.
It's all probably academic anyway, as I haven't heard or seen him since last Friday. What I object to is that we don't live together, and yet when he comes to mine he will tell the kids off, try and make the little one eat all her dinner (I don't believe in doing that), and does shout at them and I don't think he has that right. If we lived together then maybe, but not when all he does is come to mine for tea, leave the table before I've finished and then go home straight away.
Am I rambling? lol...I'm in a library as don't have internet access at home, and it only allows you half an hour!

yes I know - but why is she with him (again as in tell me again)

"My instinct is to turn tail and run from this relationship" - your instinct is correct.

plaese just don't bother contacting him.