Reported H to Social services...now what?

[sleepingwiththeenemy]

Hi, I have other threads about what has led up to this, but now I am away from Ex H. have moved counties and started new life with the children following years of emotional and sometimes physical abuse. Because of his history of mental health problems, long stays in psych hospitals and suicidal tendencies I have pretty much 'disappeared' - he has no idea we've left or where we are.
On xmas eve DD disclosed some things to me relating to the time H used to take her into the bath with him...things which sound very much like he masturbated in front of her...she described an erect penis, he told her not to tell Mummy etc. I asked NSPCC for advice and they said in their opinion it is hughly likely that sexual abuse has taken place; that she is using sexualised language and behaviour far beyond her years and said I had to report it as if I tried to use it later to prevent contact my motives would be questioned.
So I phoned social services and they immediately informed the police. So now I have to wait to hear from the police.
What happens now? Has anyone any experience of this? I am terrified as he will be furious, absolutely livid when he is questioned. But I feel that children should always be believed and I have no reason to think she would or could make it up. Previosuly I caught him looking at porn with her - pretty hard core stuff (anal, oral, lesbian and group images).
I really do believe he will come after me - the NSPCC have told me that there is unlikely to be a conviction because of DDs age - the courts wouldn't put her through the ordeal so he'll be free to come after me. He has threatened many times to snatch her, and told me I'll never see her again.
Any advice?

Hi all, and good news at last!!!!! My solicitor rang yesterday and toldme that he has dropped his contact order - he no longer wants to have anything to do with DD2, no contact whatsoever!!!!! Under ordinary circumstances it would be a sad thing, but at long last not only are my 2 older children safe, but so now is my little one! I'm so happy about it - it feels like all my christmases have come at once.
Now all I have to do is get through the criminal proceedings and that's it...over!

sleeping, you are amazingly strong. wishing you and YOUR dc's ever happiness xxx

You really are an amazing lady x

It sounds like you and your children have been to hell and back SWTE, thank good its almost over. As others have said already, you are one strong lady. Good luck.

Well done! Do keep us up to date on the criminal proceedings - your last hurdle!

Well done on latest news and keep strong one more thing to get through and then your whole loves in front of you.

On a practical level anything you particulary need (cant remember how old dd2 is but I have spare girls clothes but understand if you dont want to give a postal address out)

whole loves = whole lives

you're coming out the other side stronger and happier. you are an inspiration to us all

Wow, have just read your entire thread in one sitting. Like everyone else i am astounded by it, both the horrible things you have all had to go through and the way in which you have dealt with them. Its seems so cut and dried from where i am that there can only be one outcome, i hope the judge/jury feel the same.

I wish i could do something a bit more useful other than say well done for getting this far and i hope the rest of the case goes well for you. Stay strong, and i hope you get some peace of mind soon.

You make me proud to be a woman!

I dont come on this site much at all nowadays but your thread has been one that I have followed, Im not great at putting things into words and so Im not a huge poster but Im pleased to hear how things are sounding right now. You are an amazing woman with wonderful children, and like someone has already said on here - if only every child in the world could have a mother like you.

I think about you all and I wish you strength, happiness and peace.

Much love xxx

Just wanted to say you are an inspiration.

Hi. Well I went to court yesterday just to get the application withdrawal rubber stamped. It was a bit of a wasted journey really, as I didn't really need to be there but still...I'm not quite as at ease with it as I was, because the reasons he gave were such that he could re-apply at any time in the future without being penalised for withdrawing at this time, if that makes sense? He said that he was withdrawing his application at this time as he was facing serious charges in the criminal courts and as such it was not an appropriate time to be fighting a contact order.
On the plus side, it sounds like he has been advised that he could be going down for this. I was speaking to the barrister yesterday who told me that if found guilty of just the rapes alone he is facing a 10 - 15 year stretch, which would solve all my problems as by the time he came out, even if his sentence was halved, would mean that DD2 would be old enough to say she didn't want contact with him.
Or he could give in to his suicidal tendencies and top himself!

That is really good to hear - I wish you and your family all the best for your future, reading your story here has showed me how strong it is possible to be in the face of tremendous difficulties, and I am very thankful for your courage and example x x

Just wanted to echo what the other posters have said - you truly are inspirational, and your DC are so lucky to have you as their mum. Wishing you all the best xxx

Sleeping - I couldn't read and run without saying anything, and yet I don't quite know what to day. Your children are blessed to have you as their mum. I really can't put inot words just how highly I think of you and how you have coped with such an awful, terrible situation. I know you don't feel you've done more than you should but hopefully when this is all over you will be able to take a step backand be proud of what you have achieved.

I wish I could do something to help but know that I can't help you so I am going to make a donation to the NSPCC or a womens charity in your name and would encourage everyone to do the same!

Nik76, that is such a kind gesture! The NSPCC are the ones who encouraged me to report it in the first place so are a very worthy cause. Women's aid are also brilliant, as I went into a refuge last year when the situation got too volatile at home, and it was there that I was able to take an objective view of him, and take stock, and ultimately find the strength to get out of the marriage. So thankyou!

What happened yesterday, do you know yet?

Thought I'd share some good news with you all!!!!!
The police called yesterday and told me that he is definately going to be charged with several counts of rape (both against me and his ex) The CPS have agreed it. Which is brilliant news as the CPS don't allow charges to be brought unless there's a good chance of a conviction!
They are still deliberating over whether to charge him with the abuse against DD2, which I was kind of expecting, as it's notoriously difficult to secure a conviction with a child so young. But as the police said he is being charged with the most serious offences (in terms of the law...in my eyes what he did to my daughter is far worse than what he did to me)...so even if he was found guilty of the abuse against her his sentence wouldn't be any longer anyway.
They also don't want to charge him with the cruelty offences against my older 2, because it would mean putting them through the court process, and they were so scared they would have to go to court so I accept that.
I did say that I had reservations about him not being charged with DD2's abuse as that would mean he would be able to apply for contact at a later date, and he said that if he ever does the police both down there and up here would provide evidence to say he shouldn't have access. Just because the CPS won't charge him with that doesn't mean he didn't do it. They said it's because it may have a detrimental effect on her.
Anyhoo...apart from the several rape charges, nothing has been set in stone about the other things. he is answering bail tomorrow, and will be re bailed until mid to end Aug, by which time the CPS will have made their final decision.
The main thing is, he WILL be charged with hideous offences, and if he denies it it will go to crown court!

Crossed posts Hecate!

swte - you are such an inspiration, and your family is lucky to have each other. What he did is unimaginable to a lot of us, but i'm so glad he'll be held accountable for his actions. he can't see the eldest two or you, lets just hope he has the sense not to try and have contact with your other DD in the future.

I know you much be tired from all the fighting but you truly are a magnificent lady who has shown amazing courage and strength through out.

(am unable to make a financial donation, but to women's aid accept donations of clothing/toys and such?)

That's good news.

Did the police say what length of sentence he is likely to receive?

I can understand the decision to keep the children out of court - that would be highly stressful for you all.

Well done for being so strong and brave through all of this.

I have been following your thread but have not posted before, you are such an amazing and brave woman - i'm in awe of the amount of strength you have

I'm so pleased for you at the outcome of this

have the police said if he will go on the sex offenders list because of what he did to your DD? or does he have to be charged to go on the register?

fab news - one step closer to being able to move on!

Davidstennantsmistress...I believe women's aid are always grateful for donations of clothes and toys. When I was in the refuge there were donations brought in several times - many women flee their homes with just the clothes they are standing up in, so are extremely glad of any being offered, both women's and children's clothes. Toys too, as very often the children have just one favourite toy brought with them.
Humphreypillow - the police haven't indicated what sentence is likely (that's if he's found guilty) but my barrister told me that he's looking at 10 - 15 years BUT I'd be surprised if he got anything like that. To be honest, if he's out of the way for 5 years it will mean that if he applied for contact when he got out DD2 would be old enough to say she didn't want to see him anyway, and his application would be useless. Even at the age of 4 (it was her birthday last week) she won't refer to him as Daddy, on the rare occassion that she mentions him she calls him by his first name.
Sparkles...I think he'd have to be charged to go on the sex offenders register, but if he's charged with rape I think he'd be on it anyway. I might be wrong, I'm not sure.
As for me, life is already moving on. My house, which was a dump when I was given the keys, is now beautiful - all decorated and furnished. I had to sell all my jewellery etc, computer, wide screen tv, camcorder etc...but by doing that I managed to furnish my house, buy beds for the kids etc. I borrowed £600 to pay for the carpets, of which I have paid half back already. DD2 had a little birthday party (which we never did before because he would always ruin it) which was lovely. The older 2 are at the cinema today with friends from school (they never had a social life before for the same reason), DD1 had a sleepover, her first at the age of 13. Her moods which were absolutely horrendous, have all but disappeared, DS is gaining confidence and is growing into a lovely, sweet, kind, handsome boy. And I have romance in my life again . He's the only person I knew when I moved up here, and we've gradually become closer and closer...he's been my rock.
A friend I've made since I moved up here asked me how come I'm always smiling the other day given all we're going through, and I told her that despite the stress and worry our lives are a million times better than they were before, so I have a lot to smile about. Even with being absolutely skint I am happier now than I have been in a very very long time.

Just googled the sex offenders register, and it says that anyone convicted, cautioned or released from prison for sexual offences against children or adults must sign the sex offenders register.