Reported H to Social services...now what?

[sleepingwiththeenemy]

Hi, I have other threads about what has led up to this, but now I am away from Ex H. have moved counties and started new life with the children following years of emotional and sometimes physical abuse. Because of his history of mental health problems, long stays in psych hospitals and suicidal tendencies I have pretty much 'disappeared' - he has no idea we've left or where we are.
On xmas eve DD disclosed some things to me relating to the time H used to take her into the bath with him...things which sound very much like he masturbated in front of her...she described an erect penis, he told her not to tell Mummy etc. I asked NSPCC for advice and they said in their opinion it is hughly likely that sexual abuse has taken place; that she is using sexualised language and behaviour far beyond her years and said I had to report it as if I tried to use it later to prevent contact my motives would be questioned.
So I phoned social services and they immediately informed the police. So now I have to wait to hear from the police.
What happens now? Has anyone any experience of this? I am terrified as he will be furious, absolutely livid when he is questioned. But I feel that children should always be believed and I have no reason to think she would or could make it up. Previosuly I caught him looking at porn with her - pretty hard core stuff (anal, oral, lesbian and group images).
I really do believe he will come after me - the NSPCC have told me that there is unlikely to be a conviction because of DDs age - the courts wouldn't put her through the ordeal so he'll be free to come after me. He has threatened many times to snatch her, and told me I'll never see her again.
Any advice?

I've just read the whole thread and I am stunned.

I want to say how in awe I am of you sleepingwiththeenemy. You have been so, so strong and I wish every child had a mother like you.

I will be thinking of and sending positive and happy thoughts to you and your 3 children. I just wish I could do something practical to help.

i too have just read the whole thread. i dont really get 'involved' with ppl on the net but i must say i cried reading your posts. you, my love, are amazing, dignified and true.

sleepingwiththeenemy you been knocked down so many times and you keep getting back up. you have so much love and strength and you and your dcs can begin the healing.

if there's anything you need please post. please post no matter what. i hope you get some comfort from the people on mn rooting for you.

keep going the way you are - the right way. x.

FULL of admiration for you SWTE. Absolutely full.
I will be thinking of you.

I had seen this thread floatingon active convos and ignored it before but today i clicked it.

dear god girl, you have been to hell and back.

hoping for this to be over for you soon and bastard exh gone for good.

SWTE glad things are finally moving in what looks like a positive direction.

Thinking or you and your kiddies a lot and hope you all get the outcome you all deserve.

Lots {{hugs}} & {{positive vibes}}

Hi everyone,and thanks so much for your messages of support. They're invaluable when I start to doubt myself.
Just spoken to the police who, I have to say, have been utterly fantastic, both up here and in my old town where he is. HE is due to answer bail tomorrow, where all hell is going to break loose because he has no idea that his first wife is also pressing charges against him!!!! I didn't know it until just now, but the offenses are 'as bad' as the ones against me...i.e rape. The police are asking for bail conditions to be set, forbidding him from contacting me or the children, or his first wife, which means that he won't be able to pursue the contact order!!!! He's going to be re-arrested tomorrow. Then they have to go to the CPS and wait for a decision as to whether they can charge him. I pressed the DC for his opinion on the outcome, and he said in his opinion, there is no way he won't be charged, as the evidence from me and his first wife, along with the children is far too conclusive. Added to that we can't be accused of being in cahoots with each other, as I haven't spoken to her for 18 months, and she doesn't know what the offenses against me are, so she couldn't be saying he raped her to back me up, as she didn't know. If that makes sense???
The DC also said he really doesn't like my ex...he comes across as shifty, nasty and dishonest, which is great for me because if it goes to trial the jury will get the same impression. Anyhoo...by the end of the month we should know for definate what he's being charged with, if anything, and what the future holds. I'm going camping with the kids on 3rd August, so it will be just wonderful if it's all decided by then. It'll be the best holiday of my life!!!

been reading with interest - i am in awe at your strength
much love

Have been watching this thread myself from the outset and am so pleased for you that this is going to hopefully be resolved soon.... You sound amazingly strong, am in awe of you really. Have a fantastic time camping and enjoy the elfin bob!

Will be sending positive vibes your way, SWTE.

You should be so proud of yourself.

x.

I know nothing is set in stone yet....but I am SO excited! At last it's not just me against him...the police told me right at the beginning that this won't be the first time he's offended - they were referring to the abuse against my baby. It sounds really bizarre but I didn't even associate what he did to me with what he did to her...in fact I blocked it out of my mind. Who would believe a man raped his own wife? And now that his first wife has made her statement it validates everything I have said. He's a serial rapist - God only knows if he has abused any other children. I am sick to my stomach that I married a man like that, and full of guilt that I put the children into that situation, but I am also gaining strength from the fact that I have got out, and taken my children to safety.

i have just read this and wanted to say your strength is amazing-i only hope i could be half as strong as you are being in this situation... I really wish you luck for your future

oh and your hair sounds fab

Hi. I don't have all the details yet, but I do know that he was arrested Friday for offenses against his ex wife, when he turned up to answer bail. He was re bailed until 31 July, as the police now have to go to a special branch of the CPS specific to rape, and they can't see them until 29th July, but the police have spoken to them provisionally and have said that it is highly likely that charges will be brought. Which is great news. They have also managed to attach bail conditions, preventing him from contacting me in any way shape or form, except through solicitors. I am waiting to hear from the police and/or solicitor to see if that means that the civil hearing can't go ahead on 23rd, as if he is prevented from having any contact whatsoever with me how can we be in court at the same time?
I've just left a message with the police, and am waiting for him to call back to tell me what happened (I got this info on my voicemail so don't know the ins and outs yet)
I'll let you know what happens.

Great news sleeping. Although I must say I'm a bit that he's getting bail - surely the allegations and serious enough to warrant remand? Anyway, bloody good for you.

I remember your posts very clearly.

Am so happy you can soon turn this page and move on.

You sound so level headed, so brave. Wish you all the best. Yes your DC are very lucky to have such a determined mum.

Makes me think there should be an alternative "classics" thread for stories like this to inspire other struggling mums.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hi, well just spoken to the police again. he was very calm throughout apparently, until they showed him some pictures DD2 had drawn for the police up here showing her, Daddy and Daddy's willy. There is a splodge in between them, and she described this as 'Daddy's willy cream'! At this point he apparently started shaking and got very upset. I asked about the civil hearing.He is not attending, so it will go ahead but without him there, just his solicitor. Apart from that it's just a case of waiting now until 29th July. he denied everything of course, but that was to be expected. Watch this space!

Sleepingwiththeenemy I can hardly find the words I need to tell you how much I admire you. What you are doing for your girls, yourself, your ex's first wife and women and children in general is just atonishing. I know from personal experience how hard all this is and you are being so brave in confronting it. I wish every woman in the same situation could be as strong. You are inspirational.

It sounds like your ex has not a leg to stand on and will shortly be in prison for a long time, where he will not be able to harm anyone - and will probably come in for a fair amount of abuse himself. Thank God.

Thanks everyone. I have to say that it's been made a whole lot easier because of the way the police have dealt with it and me. It's been a 7 month investigation between 2 police forces, 250 miles apart, and I can't fault any of them. They've been compassionate, supportive and have even made me laugh in situations where you wouldn't think you could find humour.
Me and the kids have virtually nothing materially or financially, but we are happy and free. Everything we have is ours. It's not a lot (we left most of our stuff behind when we fled) but what we do have belongs to us and no one can ruin it or take it away. I am safe in the knowledge that he can't come near my older 2 ever again, he can't touch me and hopefully justice will be done and he will be prevented from having contact with DD2.

Just read through this thread, I am in awe of you.

Your ex sounds like a nasty piece of work, but by being so brave you will soon be able to put him firmly in the past knowing you did the right thing. I hope women in similar situations will read this thread and take strength and courage from it.

Another sad day for us yesterday. We had a labrador who I had had since she was a puppy...she's now 4. I've been thinking for a while now that I should find her another home; I'm going to have to go to work from September so wouldn't be at home with her all day. I can't afford pet insurance and if anything happened to her I'd face putting her down as I couldn't afford to pay vet's fees, I could only afford the cheapest dog food - you know, the real dregs. She only had a tiny garden to play in as opposed to the massive one we left behind and she just wasn't happy. She'd lost weight since we moved and I just felt it wasn't fair to her to keep her and not look after her the way she deserved. So last night we said goodbye to her and handed her over to a lady who I have to say is lovely and will spoil her rotten. God it was awful - my eldest daughter nearly broke her heart crying. This year has been so hard - it seems we've had to give up everything, even our beloved dog. You'd think by now I'd be hardened to upset and hurt but I'm not. Still, it keeps me going knowing that she will have a better time of it in her new home, and the new owners have promised to send updates and photos.

Your poor kids, it just seems to be one thing after another. I really do hope you all get the break you deserve very quickly.

{{{{Hugs}}}}}