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Original poster

Why do the men on online dating only want sex?

92 replies

NameChanger567 · 30/07/2022 19:05

I am not sure whether it is just me that has experienced this, but the men I talk to on online dating are almost always only after sex.

Is this normal? Has anyone else experienced this?

OP posts:
CthulhuInDisguise · 30/07/2022 19:09

Not normal for my experience, but I only dated two people off Bumble, and am still seeing one of them 6 months on. But I have also heard lots of stories of attached men using dating apps for sex too, from friends who have encountered them. I don't think my profile attracts that type of man clearly 😂

Blue4YOU · 30/07/2022 19:13

Because they can?

Sunshineandflipflops · 30/07/2022 19:21

Yes, some men are only looking for sex but then so are some women. As long as you are clear about what YOU want doesn’t eh start then hopefully you won’t waste too much time.

I met my do of 3 years on bumble and I had to practically jump on him in the end as he was so gentlemanly in that department 😆

Sandra1984 · 30/07/2022 19:21

Not really true, many want a relationship. Maybe your profile is sending the wrong vibe? Make sure your pictures are not too sexy (no bikinis, no cleavages or too much skin. Clearly state in your profile “ you’re looking for a real monogamous relationship and don’t entertain hook ups”. That’s just the first filter.

Second filter: have a phone/Skype conversation with the guy before meeting him, ask him what he’s looking for. Any sexual innuendo you get rid of the guy. Don’t meet for drinks on the first date, meet for coffee.

Inthesameboatatmo · 30/07/2022 19:24

In my 2 years experience of online dating men are like horny dogs with 2 dicks. Only after one thing. There are decent guys but they are few and fair between and I've yet to find one .

Original poster
NameChanger567 · 30/07/2022 19:27

Sandra1984 · 30/07/2022 19:21

Not really true, many want a relationship. Maybe your profile is sending the wrong vibe? Make sure your pictures are not too sexy (no bikinis, no cleavages or too much skin. Clearly state in your profile “ you’re looking for a real monogamous relationship and don’t entertain hook ups”. That’s just the first filter.

Second filter: have a phone/Skype conversation with the guy before meeting him, ask him what he’s looking for. Any sexual innuendo you get rid of the guy. Don’t meet for drinks on the first date, meet for coffee.

I clearly state on my profile that I am looking for a relationship, but I still get men messaging me who are after sex. Some of them pretend they are looking for a relationship but then it is clear that they are only after sex. Usually they put on their profile they want a relationship, but after a few messages they start talking about sex.

OP posts:
Depressedsingle · 30/07/2022 19:29

Ignore the folk who clearly don’t understand OP. Loads of married men looking for sex and single commitment phobes looking for sex. It’s not you, it’s not your profile etc.

Allicando · 30/07/2022 19:32

Found stbxh on a dating website in May, split up for good around 3 weeks ago and he is out there dating again. It really concludes what I thought of him - that he thinks with his dick and uses women to stroke his ego. Sadly it is common and very predictable. I can safely say I think I will remain single for a very long time.

Iamclearlyamug · 30/07/2022 19:35

Sure, a lot of them do only want sex but it's a bit of a stretch to suggest that they almost all want that.

Tinder seems to get the worst rep for men being only after sex, but I know lots of couples (at least 8) who met on there, several of them now married and with children. I also met my bf of a year on there, which was a serious feat given I don't find English men attractive 😂😂 narrows the pool rather a lot!

DramaticSunflower · 30/07/2022 19:37

They are probably asking themselves why do woman only want relationships.

we can’t always get what we want. Just get on with living your life and stetting your own boundaries.

lastminutedotcom22 · 30/07/2022 19:40

There are women probably doing the same

Some people want some no strings fun and just sex

Some want a long term relationship potentially marriage

People just need to be clear on their profiles I guess

Pinkbonbon · 30/07/2022 19:42

I'd say it's about 50/50. Though the ones don't want you to stroke their dick, are often worse as they may just want you to stroke their ego.

BiscoffSundae · 30/07/2022 19:52

Laughing at these comments, yes most men only want sex on them I’ve heard so many women saying the same thing so it’s just a coincidence is it? Can’t believe someone actually blamed the op and said maybe it’s her giving the wrong message? What are you suggesting?! 😶

Oopsiedaisyy · 30/07/2022 19:57

Its harder in my opinion if you are a woman who wants a man who has a high sex drive and a relationship , because talk about sex too early and you get those who only want one thing, but not have the conversation and you can end up with a relationship with someone who isn't that sexual.

Sort of end up in a who blinks first stand off. Some how managed to find one though 😂

houseonthehill · 30/07/2022 19:58

I think it depends what you mean. That they all state that they are only after sex? Or that they turn out to be only after sex when you meet? Or that they start talking about sex early in the initial chat?

Original poster
NameChanger567 · 30/07/2022 20:05

houseonthehill · 30/07/2022 19:58

I think it depends what you mean. That they all state that they are only after sex? Or that they turn out to be only after sex when you meet? Or that they start talking about sex early in the initial chat?

@houseonthehill All three. Some of them say they only want sex when I ask what they are looking for, some of them say they they want a relationship but then start making dirty remarks and asking to come to my place for the first meeting, and some don't talk about sex but then after the first meeting, they start asking to come to my place.

OP posts:
Circumferences · 30/07/2022 20:11

Unfortunately men do want sex without having to make the effort.
If you put your name up for online dating you're like a light to a moth, it is pretty soul crushing.

Have you tried meeting men through friends-of-friends or other social activities?

RSitf · 30/07/2022 20:14

@Oopsiedaisyy I was going to write the exact same! I want a relationship with a guy who has a good/high sex drive..but as you say it’s hard to not come across as wanting one thing.

Googlecanthelpme · 30/07/2022 20:20

I think you just have to accept that there is a lot of filtering you have to do with online dating.
You’re already doing the right thing by asking the questions and being upfront about what you are / are not looking for.
Just carry on what you are doing, the minute the conversation turns into innuendo, block and delete. There are lots of them about unfortunately but if you try to limit the time spent on those people then you’re gonna to eventually come across men who are looking for more.

I met my DH online, I spoke to a lot of men but didn’t give my number to any or meet any other than him. We messaged on the app for about 4/5 days and I got a sense he was up for something more (I’m sure he’d have been fine with causal sex as well but that’s not all he was looking for)

Oopsiedaisyy · 30/07/2022 20:23

@RSitf we didn't talk about sex at all until the run up to date 3...and then only subtle innuendos, from which he said later he got the idea I wasn't just into holding hands and a monthly missionary session 😂

Date 3.... I almost cried out "thank you Jesus!" when it turned out we are both on the same page sexually.

But a guy asking me to go around to his second or first date, or telling me i make his dick hard... The Vagina goes on lock down immediately

Lovemusic33 · 30/07/2022 20:23

I think women are the same.
I find the opposite problem, a lot of men want a serious relationship, some want kids and to settle down. I don’t want a serious relationship, pretty happy on my own most of the time but would like someone to hang out with occasionally and have sex but every guy I date seems to want more. I think it works both ways, just make it clear what you are looking for and ignore the guys who appear to be after one thing.

doitwithlove · 30/07/2022 20:37

Some women are the same, don't have
sex till date four or five, gives you more time to get to know each other.

houseonthehill · 30/07/2022 20:40

I think many men, perhaps most, want to see the sense of a sexual/sexualised being in the woman he is chatting to in a dating context. And also that they are often happy to test the possibility of a relationship by having sex and seeing where it goes from there. Trouble is, many have no idea about how to express this effectively, so just blunder in.

girlfrien · 30/07/2022 21:01

Depressedsingle · 30/07/2022 19:29

Ignore the folk who clearly don’t understand OP. Loads of married men looking for sex and single commitment phobes looking for sex. It’s not you, it’s not your profile etc.

Married men don't need sex they are already getting it and if they aren't why don't they leave their partners?

Joey69 · 30/07/2022 21:31

I think there.are plenty women on OLD looking for fun and sex as well and don’t want a relationship with a man, the evidence is all over this forum ( and thread) so to claim men on OLD only want sex is a bit disingenuous I think as I think plenty of women are looking for sex as well, but class is a casual dating