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Original poster

Why do the men on online dating only want sex?

92 replies

NameChanger567 · 30/07/2022 19:05

I am not sure whether it is just me that has experienced this, but the men I talk to on online dating are almost always only after sex.

Is this normal? Has anyone else experienced this?

OP posts:
Crikeyalmighty · 01/08/2022 18:31

@Slackbladder22 I think though you would expect to see someone a few times before expecting any 'shagging' because a lot of really nice women aren't into shagging without the thought that it 'might' progress to a relationship

Slackbladder22 · 01/08/2022 18:39

Crikeyalmighty · 01/08/2022 18:31

@Slackbladder22 I think though you would expect to see someone a few times before expecting any 'shagging' because a lot of really nice women aren't into shagging without the thought that it 'might' progress to a relationship

Oh yes, no doubt. I wouldn’t be expecting that kind of thing after a set number of dates or anything and if I really liked them then I’d be prepared to wait of course. I think I was just pointing out an attitude difference between the sexes and actually agreeing with a lot of previous posters.

I guess the main point is that although I’d be looking for a long term thing I wouldn’t say no to something casual, which is probably a different attitude to a lot of women who may just be looking for that long term thing and not want the casual relationship on the way.

SallyWD · 01/08/2022 18:43

I've always thought men generally want sex first and then from that a relationship might grow. It's just something I've observed throughout life. Whereas women perhaps (and not all women) might be looking for a relationship, men are driven first and foremost by a desire for sex. Am I wrong?

gogohmm · 01/08/2022 18:44

Depends, I met dp old. But it wasn't a free app

Slackbladder22 · 01/08/2022 18:51

SallyWD · 01/08/2022 18:43

I've always thought men generally want sex first and then from that a relationship might grow. It's just something I've observed throughout life. Whereas women perhaps (and not all women) might be looking for a relationship, men are driven first and foremost by a desire for sex. Am I wrong?

It’s probably a bit too reductive to be honest.

I fell in love with my wife for many reasons and sex wasn’t that high up the list. But yes it might not (probably wouldn’t) have got that stage if we had never had sex.

I can’t imagine falling in love with someone who I hadn’t had sex with I suppose, which may not be true for many women (it might happen to me, who knows!)

So actually maybe you are right after all!

oviraptor21 · 01/08/2022 20:10

houseonthehill · 31/07/2022 15:24

Also, the first time of having sex can be the 'Nah' moment for continuing towards a relationship.

This. The sexual chemistry is really important and may well be the point at which either woman or man will think no, this isn't for me. Doesn't excuse the ghosting that often follows but is valid reason imo for not continuing.

Lpc3 · 01/08/2022 20:28

On the plus side because men will pretty much do whatever they can to have sex it means women are in the driving seat and can dictate (as a group) what behaviours they want in a man.

Unfortunately in the last 20 years or so society has said women should just be like men and as a result standards have gone out the window.

GetThatHelmetOn · 19/08/2022 15:56

Unfortunately in the last 20 years or so society has said women should just be like men and as a result standards have gone out the window.

Totally agree with that.

Casper10 · 19/08/2022 16:12

Lpc3 · 01/08/2022 20:28

On the plus side because men will pretty much do whatever they can to have sex it means women are in the driving seat and can dictate (as a group) what behaviours they want in a man.

Unfortunately in the last 20 years or so society has said women should just be like men and as a result standards have gone out the window.

Women have said that about women. Empowerment etc

Reap what you sow and all that

Sandra1984 · 19/08/2022 16:31

Casper10 · 19/08/2022 16:12

Women have said that about women. Empowerment etc

Reap what you sow and all that

Show quote history

There’s a lot of us who at some point in our lives were just looking for casual sex and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Women’s movement has made it ok to enjoy casual sex if that’s what we want and not be slut shamed by it. Women’s empowerment is about going for what you want (be it looking for a relationship or be it casual sex) without the patriarchy looking down on us.

Sandra1984 · 19/08/2022 16:41

Women nowadays are still pressured into getting married but also into casual sex. It’s a no win situation for women today. The secret lies into going for what you want without succumbing to any of the social pressures. We need to be much more ruthless when it comes to going after what we really want and I believe we’ve been raised to be “nice girls” so we have a problem with setting boundaries. Having a biological clock going tick tick doesn’t help either.

Casper10 · 19/08/2022 16:45

Sandra1984 · 19/08/2022 16:31

There’s a lot of us who at some point in our lives were just looking for casual sex and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Women’s movement has made it ok to enjoy casual sex if that’s what we want and not be slut shamed by it. Women’s empowerment is about going for what you want (be it looking for a relationship or be it casual sex) without the patriarchy looking down on us.

Show quote history

Fair enough but the point remains this is female choice not society's. That was my point.

User135644 · 19/08/2022 16:46

Blue4YOU · 30/07/2022 19:13

Because they can?

Women tend to swipe right on the best looking men and they're typically more the fuck boy types because they can be.

Most men on OLD can't get a date to save their lives. A small minority of men get most of the matches.

anthurium · 19/08/2022 16:51

Sandra1984 · 19/08/2022 16:41

Women nowadays are still pressured into getting married but also into casual sex. It’s a no win situation for women today. The secret lies into going for what you want without succumbing to any of the social pressures. We need to be much more ruthless when it comes to going after what we really want and I believe we’ve been raised to be “nice girls” so we have a problem with setting boundaries. Having a biological clock going tick tick doesn’t help either.

Some very valid points @Sandra1984

For many women wanting a family is a big part of engaging in a romantic relationship to begin with, somewhere at the back of your mind ... I really felt the pressure when I was in my mid to late 30s dating and really getting exasperated by the fact so many men (in my age bracket and older) weren't interested in wanting a family or children (whether with me or in general). In the end and after a lot of thinking and reframing I went solo and had my son using a sperm donor. I wasn't prepared to let parenthood slip me by. Women don't have to be dependent on a relationship to have a child, yes my road may appear harder but I am free from having to ever wait on someone's decision when it comes to important life milestones. I used to date in . order to progress it to a relationship, but I met many men who were happy to be just dating indefinitely.

User135644 · 19/08/2022 16:56

GetThatHelmetOn · 19/08/2022 15:56

Unfortunately in the last 20 years or so society has said women should just be like men and as a result standards have gone out the window.

Totally agree with that.

It's well known that a lot of women go for the bad boys so a lot of men actually behave worse to get women.

MilliwaysUniverse · 19/08/2022 17:23

I was on Bumble for 6 weeks. I started chatting with one man the same day I joined, and dated him for 2 weeks, until he ended it. I was upset so didn't go back on the app until the sixth week when I went on to close the account down and give up on dating. I saw I had 50 likes, so I paid for a days access to look at them. I liked the 47th bloke, he looked cute and sounded funny from his profile. I messaged him, he replied within 5 minutes with his phone number and we talked on the phone and video call all day, 6 and a half months later we are serious about each other. Well, we were serious within about half an hour of our first date if I'm completely honest. The stars aligned for us.

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 19/08/2022 18:54

MilliwaysUniverse · 19/08/2022 17:23

I was on Bumble for 6 weeks. I started chatting with one man the same day I joined, and dated him for 2 weeks, until he ended it. I was upset so didn't go back on the app until the sixth week when I went on to close the account down and give up on dating. I saw I had 50 likes, so I paid for a days access to look at them. I liked the 47th bloke, he looked cute and sounded funny from his profile. I messaged him, he replied within 5 minutes with his phone number and we talked on the phone and video call all day, 6 and a half months later we are serious about each other. Well, we were serious within about half an hour of our first date if I'm completely honest. The stars aligned for us.

Nice to read one good experience!

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