Page 2 | Why do the men on online dating only want sex?

NameChanger567 · 2022-07-30T18:05:06+00:00

I am not sure whether it is just me that has experienced this, but the men I talk to on online dating are almost always only after sex. Is this normal? Has anyone else experienced this?

easylisten · 30/07/2022 21:39

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GetThatHelmetOn · 30/07/2022 21:45

Not in my experience, all the men I met were very nice and were looking for proper relationships. But then I didn’t entertain any sexual innuendo or disrespect. The moment I was uncomfortable with a text or a joke they were blocked so it never got to date stage.

Musttryharder2021 · 30/07/2022 22:35

I think a lot men in my experience behave like animals because it's not "real" being online. They do want sex, even the ones who are married as they're clearly not getting it at home or it's not the type of sex they want. They don't want to leave their partners because they don't want their financial security ruined as well as assets split/pensions ransacked/not seeing their children. Also don't want to end up in a bedsit alone. And being married is a social status for some too. I've usually come across the dregs so society in OLD.

Addicted2luvisland · 30/07/2022 23:54

Met my partner on Bumble..we've been together 8 months. We both were on there looking for a relationship. After the first date we were together and that was it!
Just be clear with what you want and commit to finding it. They are out there.

Mississipi71 · 31/07/2022 04:59

Biggest laugh is these are the jokers who lie on their profiles. Most common lie is that they are not interested in one night stands. Oh yes they are.

Meowmeowmeowmeowmeow · 31/07/2022 05:29

Depressedsingle · 30/07/2022 19:29

Ignore the folk who clearly don’t understand OP. Loads of married men looking for sex and single commitment phobes looking for sex. It’s not you, it’s not your profile etc.

Agree
I am a 35:f professional
All outdoor pictures with me covered up
Clearly state want children and want a relationship
Have had men comment before the reason I dont get 'dick pics' is because I 'clearly wouldnt entertain it' - based on bias from the university I attended and my career (ick in itself and lets you know that they will try it on others based on percieved demographic - disgusting)

Men I have met online dating - despite this. Past 3:4 years

1- pretends to want a relationship then told me he just wanted to be friends after sex (that has happened several times despite 2/3 months of screening. Clear change in behaviour after sex. Then you get gaslit if you have any normal reaction to this behaviour whatsoever - it comes to the point where I now say nothing as I know the way the conversation will go. Just block and delete and self soothe.

2 - several married already partnered men - this has happened to me more than once I can assure you and again - its despite best screening / social media reviews (its almost exhausting the lengths you have to go to to assure yourself they are actually single - its sad).

3 - ones you date 2:3 dates who bring out their phone and bumble notifications coming through

4 - going on a first date and then
breadcrumbing texts for 1/2 weeks after only to finally get ghosted or / I dont want to waste your time (i.e they met someone else or they are back with their ex)

5 - sexual assaults / rape

6 - being ghosted / laughed at for saying 'i want a relationship before sex'

7 - seeing several people on there I know for a fact are married and their wives are in ignorant bliss

8 - a guy I dated for several months, I seen his underwear and he had skid marks on it. This guy was a medical doctor and in his 30s. He was also messaging other woman on the internet through out our 8 month love affair. What a cassanova.

9 - a guy who told me he had broken up with his ex. We dated for 6:8 weeks. He called me to break up with me as his 'ex' had committed suicide. Transpired it was an ex of 2 weeks and he had been with her for years.

So OP its not you.

Its not your profile.

I gave up and have decided to build a life alone and likely have a child alone if thats the way I feel in a few years. For me its now it is not worth the risk.

Meowmeowmeowmeowmeow · 31/07/2022 05:32

Circumferences · 30/07/2022 20:11

Unfortunately men do want sex without having to make the effort.
If you put your name up for online dating you're like a light to a moth, it is pretty soul crushing.

Have you tried meeting men through friends-of-friends or other social activities?

Agree

They assume you are desperate

Artyswan · 31/07/2022 07:45

I think it is actually really hard to find a man on dating sites/apps who is looking for a relationship and has his act together.

When I used it for a few years there was a high number of men who wanted non-monogamous/open relationships, who were only looking for casual sex/FWBs or who were in reality married/had a girlfriend and used the sites to cheat. Also the noncommittal ones (''let's see how it goes'' ) seem to be everywhere.

Even making it clear on my profile that I was not into casual sex did not prevent messages from dodgy men.

Some also would send a couple of perfectly normal messages to start with and then start with sex talk which I find completely inappropriate from someone I have not even met. I remember having a normal conversation with a seemingly smart, professional man for a couple of messages and then him telling about his day in this manner: ''I am having a relaxed weekend and have just been to the gym and now I am ready for some bedroom action'' and another one after a seemingly normal couple of messages telling me he was really on the site to find someone who was interested in ''golden showers''. Then of course there were the legions who would just send dodgy content in their first approach...

Frankly that was the majority of the men for me. There was no particularly revealing pictures on my profile either and I was not a hot, young thing in any way so I can only imagine what the type of messages these women must receive.

There was also a tendency to think that men were entitled to sex or a grope simply for having one meeting with you and buying you a coffee. I think there is a lot of laziness in OLD that way: why make an effort when you can just try go back on the app/site and find someone else who will be OK with sleeping with you after one meeting (good for those who are into casual sex but not for people who want to take their time to get to know someone first and aim for a relationship).

I think OLD has unfortunately made many people much shallower and they see relationships as another commodity. Some men also can't seem to grasp there is a difference between online porn and online dating.

I would not touch OLD with a barge pole now. I am sure there are some decent guys there too but the weirdos and sex pests have ruined it for me.

Allicando · 31/07/2022 10:17

If my husband was on there whilst we were married and is now on there just a few weeks single I cannot help wonder about all the calibre of the other men OLD. I know you cannot tar them all with the same brush but when you have had a bad experience you cannot help but be completely put off, for life! Also just some of the shite they write in their bio how can so many have a psycho ex and why would you think a potential new partner would want to know that? It is depressing!

Sandra1984 · 31/07/2022 13:36

Men on dating sites are the men in real life, they are the same people, only difference is that you know nothing about their background, you have no references for them, and that's why they tend to be plenty of weirdos, married,
or with a restraining order from the ex (happened to me). Had you met these guys IRL and were part of your community, social network you would never date them had you had references because you would know so and so is married or so and so is an ex heroine addict etc.... OLD lets them "become" who they want to. On OLD you meet total strangers telling you stories that don't match who they are. It's quite a predatory field. For me a good way of weeding them is having a long Skype conversation (face to face), that usually gives me a good understanding of who the person is, I also ask for their real name.

Mississipi71 · 31/07/2022 13:44

Sandra1984 · 30/07/2022 19:21

Not really true, many want a relationship. Maybe your profile is sending the wrong vibe? Make sure your pictures are not too sexy (no bikinis, no cleavages or too much skin. Clearly state in your profile “ you’re looking for a real monogamous relationship and don’t entertain hook ups”. That’s just the first filter.

Second filter: have a phone/Skype conversation with the guy before meeting him, ask him what he’s looking for. Any sexual innuendo you get rid of the guy. Don’t meet for drinks on the first date, meet for coffee.

Meanwhile, back in the real world ...

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 31/07/2022 13:50

I don't, and won't, online date but I'm interested in how you deal with pictures waving their Willies. Do you simply block or call them out? Any of them ever commented on it?

I'd block immediately on receipt and expect them to work it out for themselves.

twinklystar23 · 31/07/2022 13:52

Speaking to a good friend and a female relative between them 9yrs of OLD. Both were looking for a LTR. So many men in the first few interactions were trying to steer the conversation in that way. One met her future DH via OLD the other met him via existing social groups. You need a very thick skin IMO.

justasking111 · 31/07/2022 13:56

Did a hen night a few years ago friend second marriage the rest of us adorned with wedding and engagement rings. We did the bars then a nightclub. I was followed around despite waving my ring hand in his face and saying kindly sorry but married. Friends had the same conversation.

Sandra1984 · 31/07/2022 13:57

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron I don't, and won't, online date but I'm interested in how you deal with pictures waving their Willies

Plenty of years doing OLD and never had a Willie picture sent to me.

Meowmeowmeowmeowmeow · 31/07/2022 14:02

Sandra1984 · 31/07/2022 13:57

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron I don't, and won't, online date but I'm interested in how you deal with pictures waving their Willies

Plenty of years doing OLD and never had a Willie picture sent to me.

I was the same - read my PP
They choose based on demographic who they think could and would have the confidence to report them based on their selection bias

And avoid sending to them

Very predatory

Meowmeowmeowmeowmeow · 31/07/2022 14:03

justasking111 · 31/07/2022 13:56

Did a hen night a few years ago friend second marriage the rest of us adorned with wedding and engagement rings. We did the bars then a nightclub. I was followed around despite waving my ring hand in his face and saying kindly sorry but married. Friends had the same conversation.

Its projection as they are probably married to and think if they do it woman will too

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 31/07/2022 14:04

@Meowmeowmeowmeowmeow I think we're better off with cats.

DillAte · 31/07/2022 14:07

I think men, generally, are just as picky as women when it comes to relationships but will have sex with almost any woman they don't find actively unpleasant to look at and they will swipe using that lower threshold.
That gap between sexual partners and romantic partners seems to be a lot narrower for women.
From that perspective, it doesn't really hurt to throw out a casual sexual advance to a woman you know you wouldn't entertain a relationship with but might want to have sex with.
If she says yes, great.
If she says no, yours not really missing out on anything anyway.

Meowmeowmeowmeowmeow · 31/07/2022 14:14

Lovemusic33 · 30/07/2022 20:23

I think women are the same.
I find the opposite problem, a lot of men want a serious relationship, some want kids and to settle down. I don’t want a serious relationship, pretty happy on my own most of the time but would like someone to hang out with occasionally and have sex but every guy I date seems to want more. I think it works both ways, just make it clear what you are looking for and ignore the guys who appear to be after one thing.

Pm
Me and send me these guys details thanks because I cannot find a single man in his 30s who is wants a relationship. With anyone.

Meowmeowmeowmeowmeow · 31/07/2022 14:16

doitwithlove · 30/07/2022 20:37

Some women are the same, don't have
sex till date four or five, gives you more time to get to know each other.

Doesnt make a difference
I have been ghosted for not having sex and ghosted aftet having sex

Some of them really are sick enough to wait it out 6/8 weeks and then change their tune after sex

Before I did online dating I never had this issue and all my friends who use old say the same

DillAte · 31/07/2022 14:28

@Meowmeowmeowmeowmeow
I don't think it's sick, but it's the consequence of a global sexual marketplace.

In modern times 6-8 weeks can mean romantic interactions with 100 women from all over the world.

Statistically, you're probably going to like some of them more than the women you were previously speaking to.

An old friend of mine recently had a woman he met on a dating site come to visit him from another European country.

She was significantly more attractive than any of the women he had managed to attract through more organic means.

Sandra1984 · 31/07/2022 14:44

DillAte · 31/07/2022 14:07

I think men, generally, are just as picky as women when it comes to relationships but will have sex with almost any woman they don't find actively unpleasant to look at and they will swipe using that lower threshold.
That gap between sexual partners and romantic partners seems to be a lot narrower for women.
From that perspective, it doesn't really hurt to throw out a casual sexual advance to a woman you know you wouldn't entertain a relationship with but might want to have sex with.
If she says yes, great.
If she says no, yours not really missing out on anything anyway.

Spot. On.

houseonthehill · 31/07/2022 15:24

Also, the first time of having sex can be the 'Nah' moment for continuing towards a relationship.

Original poster

NameChanger567 · 31/07/2022 16:11

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 31/07/2022 13:50

I don't, and won't, online date but I'm interested in how you deal with pictures waving their Willies. Do you simply block or call them out? Any of them ever commented on it?

I'd block immediately on receipt and expect them to work it out for themselves.

I have also never had a dick pic sent to me because I unmatch them as soon as they start talking about sex when I have already told them I am looking for a relationship

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