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Original poster

Why do the men on online dating only want sex?

92 replies

NameChanger567 · 30/07/2022 19:05

I am not sure whether it is just me that has experienced this, but the men I talk to on online dating are almost always only after sex.

Is this normal? Has anyone else experienced this?

OP posts:
PurplePalmTree · 31/07/2022 16:20

Not all of them are. I met my DH on Tinder, and we dated for about 6 weeks before anything happened. Although that was 5 years ago so it might be worse now!

blackgreywhite · 31/07/2022 17:12

DillAte · 31/07/2022 14:28

@Meowmeowmeowmeowmeow
I don't think it's sick, but it's the consequence of a global sexual marketplace.

In modern times 6-8 weeks can mean romantic interactions with 100 women from all over the world.

Statistically, you're probably going to like some of them more than the women you were previously speaking to.

An old friend of mine recently had a woman he met on a dating site come to visit him from another European country.

She was significantly more attractive than any of the women he had managed to attract through more organic means.

Surface attractiveness is subjective and only one part of the equation.
I find it strange she wouldn't want to date men from her own country, especially as now you have to prove income/permanent employment etc if you want to move to the Uk from Europe, so an end to freedom of movement.

Mississipi71 · 31/07/2022 18:02

DillAte · 31/07/2022 14:07

I think men, generally, are just as picky as women when it comes to relationships but will have sex with almost any woman they don't find actively unpleasant to look at and they will swipe using that lower threshold.
That gap between sexual partners and romantic partners seems to be a lot narrower for women.
From that perspective, it doesn't really hurt to throw out a casual sexual advance to a woman you know you wouldn't entertain a relationship with but might want to have sex with.
If she says yes, great.
If she says no, yours not really missing out on anything anyway.

All of this.

Signoramarella · 31/07/2022 18:15

Urgh so sick of OLD! This thread sums it all up so well! Well said @DillAte

Mississipi71 · 31/07/2022 18:23

Childish of me I know but I posted a fake pic years ago. I was a beautiful long haired brunette, aged 25. The amount of gullible saddos who fell for it. These, of course, being the ones who werent interested in sex 🙄

EarthSight · 31/07/2022 19:34

@Meowmeowmeowmeowmeow

Have had men comment before the reason I dont get 'dick pics' is because I 'clearly wouldnt entertain it' - based on bias from the university I attended and my career (ick in itself and lets you know that they will try it on others based on percieved demographic - disgusting

That is disgusting.

Casper10 · 31/07/2022 20:37

I think a lot of men and women don't see old as 'real'.

I understand the points about men but how many women have filters, pictures from the shoulders up only and those sill bunny ears or equivalent.

It does take perseverance but I think you can generally weed out the time wasters.

Lpc3 · 01/08/2022 00:21

DillAte · 31/07/2022 14:07

I think men, generally, are just as picky as women when it comes to relationships but will have sex with almost any woman they don't find actively unpleasant to look at and they will swipe using that lower threshold.
That gap between sexual partners and romantic partners seems to be a lot narrower for women.
From that perspective, it doesn't really hurt to throw out a casual sexual advance to a woman you know you wouldn't entertain a relationship with but might want to have sex with.
If she says yes, great.
If she says no, yours not really missing out on anything anyway.

I definitely think this is the main reason.

Not to be really crass but generally for a man if the profile can compete with his hand he will right swipe. Naturally that makes the bar very low.

bluegardenflowers · 01/08/2022 09:18

I'm surprised your are surprised about this. I once fell in love with a man who appeared lovely and asked me to marry him on the second date as he knew I was 'the one'. After a few months and sleeping together regularly I asked him about the proposal and he said all men say things like this to get into women's underwear. He said men will do or say anything for sex. I dumped him. I be seen the same thing many times and he did me a favour by letting me know this. Not all men, but an awful lot.

Crikeyalmighty · 01/08/2022 11:04

@EarthSight So basically if you are clearly well educated and with a good career you will be less'up for it' with any old random. Whereas they think someone with fewer options in life might go along with it-- that's what they are saying I guess.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 01/08/2022 11:13

Crikeyalmighty · 01/08/2022 11:04

@EarthSight So basically if you are clearly well educated and with a good career you will be less'up for it' with any old random. Whereas they think someone with fewer options in life might go along with it-- that's what they are saying I guess.

My friend does this. She's got social anxiety issues and stays home all the time, meets weird men on social media (not dating apps) sends photos and talks sexual then gets upset when nothing transpires. She never ever meets them. She says it's ok for me, I've got a job, car, friends and she hasn't.

I don't think it's friends she really wants.

She asked me if I thought she was an attention seeker and I told her my honest opinion. She said she just wants to be loved. I told her that filthy talking married men on messenger sending pictures of their meat and two veg aren't going to fit the bill.

Ravenclawdropout · 01/08/2022 11:15

I have been married for decades so never used apps but FYI about 70+% of users are men and the apps are designed and created by young men. They are just not designed for the typical woman's desires but for a man's. Most men never get a single match, so I think they end up just sending messages into the ether because it's too easy to do it; just like stupid comments on Twitter. It's the nature of the app, it doesn't encourage healthy human interaction.

Sandra1984 · 01/08/2022 11:19

@bluegardenflowers I once fell in love with a man who appeared lovely and asked me to marry him on the second date as he knew I was 'the one'.

Biggest red flag right there. Nobody wants to marry a person on the second date. He's either a narcissist love bombing you, some cheeky lad thinking that line is going to get him into your panties or some desperate male bunny boiler. I would black if some guy drops me that bomb on our second date, but on the other hand I understand why someone would stay, the "allure" of being loved bombed because makes you feel "sooo special". After all we're bloody human lol

Sandra1984 · 01/08/2022 11:21

("I would block if some guy drops me that bomb" I meant... not "black" lol Such a nuisance we can't edit our posts here)

houseonthehill · 01/08/2022 11:29

The data suggests that 80% of women on OLD are, effectively, competing for the 'top' 20% of men, iirc. Men are much... broader... in their notion of who is 'dateable'.

(Is one way of looking at it.)

Ravenclawdropout · 01/08/2022 11:31

A general rule of thumb is that men will need a good reason NOT to have sex with a woman, while women will need a good reason TO have sex with a man.

Crikeyalmighty · 01/08/2022 11:50

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron Yep- all you do is attract weird perverts or married guys looking for wank fodder.

I had a friend who was a single mum- she didn't really want a relationship when it came down to it , but treated dating sites like pure entertainment to give her a focal point.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 01/08/2022 11:55

Crikeyalmighty · 01/08/2022 11:50

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron Yep- all you do is attract weird perverts or married guys looking for wank fodder.

I had a friend who was a single mum- she didn't really want a relationship when it came down to it , but treated dating sites like pure entertainment to give her a focal point.

What a waste of time.

Slackbladder22 · 01/08/2022 17:20

DillAte · 31/07/2022 14:07

I think men, generally, are just as picky as women when it comes to relationships but will have sex with almost any woman they don't find actively unpleasant to look at and they will swipe using that lower threshold.
That gap between sexual partners and romantic partners seems to be a lot narrower for women.
From that perspective, it doesn't really hurt to throw out a casual sexual advance to a woman you know you wouldn't entertain a relationship with but might want to have sex with.
If she says yes, great.
If she says no, yours not really missing out on anything anyway.

This is the most accurate post I’ve seen on this site ever I think

MaxTalk · 01/08/2022 17:26

It's a numbers game and online dating is impersonal so they done give a monkeys about someone they see on a screen. You are one of hundreds of women they will try to shag.

Slackbladder22 · 01/08/2022 17:37

Just to give a male perspective here, I’m about to dip my toes into online dating once I pluck up the courage. I’m definitely looking for something long term from it, I miss being married (widower).

That doesn’t mean I’ll want a relationship with every woman I end up dating though. And I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want to start a relationship before shagging because what happens if the chemistry isn’t there? So if there a few casual encounters on the way to finding someone then great. As people have said it’s a numbers game.

My two main rules will be honesty (no love bombing) and I defo will not be sending unsolicited dick pics, that’s pretty gross to be honest

RainCloud · 01/08/2022 18:04

The ones who state they are only after sex are easy to screen out. Same applies to those who describe themselves as physical and tactile 🤮. Just block and move on. Maybe after screenshotting their profile / messages to your friends for a laugh.

It's the sneakier ones who disturb me more.

RSitf · 01/08/2022 18:06

@Slackbladder22 if only they could all be as nice! Good luck!

Original poster
NameChanger567 · 01/08/2022 18:26

RainCloud · 01/08/2022 18:04

The ones who state they are only after sex are easy to screen out. Same applies to those who describe themselves as physical and tactile 🤮. Just block and move on. Maybe after screenshotting their profile / messages to your friends for a laugh.

It's the sneakier ones who disturb me more.

@RainCloud I get really annoyed by the sneaky ones too. They claim that they want a relationship haha what a pack of lies. I actually prefer the ones who are honest about their intentions from the beginning because at least I can just block them and move on quickly. I talked to a guy for a week and the conversation was totally normal, but then he started asking all sorts of dirty questions. I planned a normal date (not a hookup) with another one and then half an hour before the date he asked if he could come to my place instead

OP posts:
Original poster
NameChanger567 · 01/08/2022 18:29

Also, another question
How long were you using dating apps before you met someone you started a relationship with?

OP posts:
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