I can't seem to forgive my DH (all the time)

[Onlyrainbows]

My husband has made a few mistakes (although they're basically the same over 4 years). To be frank when I don't think about it I'm ok and in fact I am.very happy with him, but then I remember what he's done and get angry again. Any way to get out of this rut?

Why do you think you should forgive him? Why are you trying to minimise your own emotions to nothing at all? What happens if you don't forgive him?

If he's making the same mistake over and over then this would bother me too

kind of depends what the mistakes are op!

if he keeps buying ariel instead of persil, then i think you might be able to get over it.

if he keeps inserting his appendages into other women, that's a slightly different story...

Let's have a guess which one it is...

He's stopped now (at least for the time being). If I don't forgive me there's marriage left, and without that element I'm happy.

Depends what he's done ?

What's he done?

Putting the milk in the cupboard when on autopilot / leaving one sock on the floor = over reaction.

Leaving child in car on hottest day of year / paying for sex / cheating on you / gambling life savings / hiding massive debt = not unreasonable reaction.

He withheld between £10-£15k over 4 years (and we needed the money, or at the very least would have been handy to have).

Has he given you any reason or explanation for his behaviour? Has he apologised?

The only explanation is that he is/was a twat. He has apologised profusely.

Withheld? Do you mean he deliberately hid it from you, or lied about it? Or was this accumulated spending on a card? Which is annoying and upsetting, but is possibly just overspending without keeping a tight eye on finances, and (in some peoples eyes) not quite such a moral failing?
Does it affect your trust in him? Might he do it again?

Withheld money? As in sitting in an account somewhere so could be put towards a future big purchase?

Or frittered away from alcohol/drugs/nights out/frivolous purchases for himself?

There's a big difference.

Depends why he withheld the money. Perhaps he thinks you have a habit of wasting money.

Yes, but you're not going to be without that element, are you. It won't just vanish because you wish it hadn't happened. Your feelings about it need to be respected. If you continue to feel as you do, can you say you're happy?

Withheld? More explanation needed. Could mean saved. Withheld from you? What did you need it for? What were his reasons?

You need to say much more.

Was it his exit fund?

Totally need more context to this.

No, he used it on silly selfish things for himself

So he was buying himself gadgets and designer clothes whilst you and the kids were going without because you thought that you were struggling for money?

Nope - I couldn’t forgive that.

Has he replaced the money now?

So he didn't "withhold" money - he spent it on himself. Did he leave you short? Were you worried/stressed about money at the time?

I think I would struggle to forgive him tbh, although we really need more information here.

Withheld as in didn’t tell you it was there (and it still is there) or spent it without telling you.

Did you know the money was there,or did you not even know? Did he spend all of it?

Can you be specific? It sounds so vague that either he's spinning you a line, or you are minimising.
What had he he actually spent it on?
Did you have an agreement that you would approve each other's spending? Did he do it sneakily? Did it leave you and DC short?
"Silly and selfish " things could be anything, from drugs to expensive trainers to a bike. Context is everything.

those aren't mistakes OP.

£500 spent on yourself every now and then might still be a problem for most people, but is perhaps manageable.

half an average person's annual salary?

that's 3 years of lovely family holidays, or a year less to pay on your mortgage, or a new kitchen.

what's he buying with that?

and i'm guessing it's a bonus - is it a significant % of his salary?

Too me it's irrelevant what he spent it on as it's about the money and he knowingly spending it (while also knowing I was stressed and pregnant!) He had a lowish salary back then (£21-22k). At the time we only were able to be OK thanks to my family and my trust fund. Nowadays it's thanks to my salary (and my trust fund) but mostly my salary.