Should I even respond to this?

[PoctorDepper]

I'm getting so fed up with this. I have dated this guy on and off for 4 years now. In December last year we had a long talk about the fact that we want different things, I laid it all out and told him I need something stable and serious. He isn't ready for it and that's fine, so we ended things and I blocked him on all platforms because it was quite painful. We work in the same building and I can't block him on Teams (although he was muted) so he did occasionally message on there but I ignored them. He showed up at my house a few weeks ago saying he missed me so badly he couldn't help himself and had to get back in touch. We had a date and a night in and ended up sleeping together. Then suddenly he was doing loads of applications for new jobs (he's been talking about needing a new challenge for a long time) and because he has to focus on getting these applications completed by the deadlines, he can't hang out with me. He went back to relying on bumping into one another at work because he enjoys those interactions - talking in front of everyone but having our thing be private. We had a disagreement a couple of weeks ago as these applications are taking priority over me but not over tuesday night football, kung fu lessons and drink with colleagues/friends... I made it clear I feel like I've been used - he said:
"Sadly, it is a coincidence, that this month of all times... that just as we've had an intimate moment... I've become unavailable because of a few applications i need to complete this months... it a pain... and understandable that it sends a very confusing message."

Anyway, this weekend he asked me if I would be free for him to come over yesterday. For context - he's aware that my 7 year old son would be around, who he's only met twice in 4 years - he wouldn't normally suggest coming over when my son is there because I'm so wary of letting people I'm dating meet him. Or at least people who are off and on like this guy. So he suggested 4/5pm. I text him in the morning to say 4.30. Heard nothing at all, all day. At 8pm he text to tell me he'd been unwell.

Is it a waste of time even responding? Or am I being too harsh. I suppose he could be genuinely unwell, although I have no inclination to believe him at this point. Even ill, is it that hard to pick up your phone and text someone that you cant make it? I really want to rant and hand him his arse, I've always responded to these things calmly and rationally... any suggestions?

Is he perhaps seeing someone else?

He’s using you. Move on.

He's been pissing you about for 4 years
Get him out of your headspace and find someone better
Hopefully he will be successful in his job search and you won't have to see him every again

He sounds like he's wasting your time. If he's been on about leaving his job for ages, it seems like a coincidence thar he's suddenly unavailable now because he's doing applications; what not before. I'm sorry OP but he sounds like a man child who just wants to know he can have you on his terms. Fingers crossed he leaves and you don't have to bump into him again. LTB, block and prioritise yourself xx

Ignore him and move on. He sounds like a total waste of space and a user. You deserve better.

Cut the string.

You shouldn’t be anyone’s puppet.

why are you wasting your time?

Stop allowing him to pick you up and dropping you when ever he fancies a shag would be my advice.

He still doesn't want a serious stable relationship and you do. You set a boundary and laid it all out. And then leap right over it when he said something non-committal about not being able to help himself.

What's the point in a boundary if you ignore it completely and then delude yourself it's somehow different this time?

Ditch him. He’s messing you around.

Don't even dump - ghost.

Just the craft beers comment would be it for me😁

Block again.

All the usual questions apply here. What do you want out of your life? What do you want in a relationships? And in answer to howeer many qualities you have on those lists, is this guy ticking those boxes?

I wouldn't bother continuing with tis guy because it would not be a satisfying relationship for me.

I really want to rant and hand him his arse, I've always responded to these things calmly and rationally... any suggestions

Walk away silently from anybody who makes you feel like this. It's not your job to teach him how to be. It's not your job to look after him.

Your job is to make sure you only spend time with people you feel good with, in order that you enjoy life and make the best of yourself. That's it. Boundaries and self respect in one line. There is no authority that can tell you whether you are being 'too harsh/too xyz'; you make your own rules according to your feelings and your self respect. Balance the two. Your feeling might be to insult the hell out of him, but then you'd lose your self respect. Silence is a very clear message. And maintaining a civil manner at work is self respecting.

He is wasting your time, dicking you around, messing you about, dangling you on a string, leading you up the garden path, fucking with your head. You've got kids, fuck him off and don't give him the time of day never mind another "date". You need to keep dickheads like this far faaaar away from you and your family. If he was into you in the slightest you would know about it.

That message about being ill with dizzy spells…what a load of shit. I can’t stand excuses like this…now you’re supposed to say it’s ok and sympathise when you know it’s pure pish.
I wouldn’t reply tbh.

Block him again and don't go back to him.

He is using you.

I think tbh he prob likes the idea that you want to be with him, he rejects you and you block him because it’s too difficult for you to talk to him (proper ego boost) then he makes some bullshit about needing you and he gets laid

also him keeping yoj a secret at work for 4 years sort of implies he has someone else on the go

I’d not respond, like ever actually. Even when he strolls back with “my head was just all over the place you know I care for you but the work arrangement and I’m not good enough for yoj my head is blah blah blah blah blah”

He’s been putting you off like a chore for ages…announces he’ll come over as it suits him, then bails on you with weak-arsed rubbish.
Far too shabby. Fuck him off for the last time now.

Exactly. Couldn't even send a text ? My arse

What are you getting out of this situationship ? Things haven't changed in four years, they won't change now. This guy will keep flaking

I’ve found a lot of guys seem to think they can walk all over single mums. I refuse to take their shite and so should you. Agree with the PP - he doesn’t deserve a response, ghost him.

Dizzy spells. Suuure. Bin him OP. He could not be clearer that you’re not his priority. Be prepared for him to come crawling back - be strong!

Ghost, get the power and respect back. Move on, he’s using you.

Expect him to be more interested when you take this strong stance. Keep ignoring.

Of course it deserves a response: 'hope you feel better soon, have a nice life, please don't contact me again'.

Just block and bin him. Sll this mess after 4 years. Not worth it.