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Original poster

Why do couples like hanging out with couples?

203 replies

perimenofertility · 23/07/2022 23:24

As the title says, why do couples enjoy hanging out with other couples so much?
I am single now, but when I've been in a couple I have never particularly sought to spend time with other couples so I just don't get this. I always spend time with people (single, couple, group) who are my friends.
I am in a friendship group of six people. We periodically meet all six of us for dinner. But the four who are two couples regularly arrange "couples drinks" and don't invite me and other single friend. This really irritates me and makes me sad.
Similarly, I have a good friend at work, we have lunch or drinks together often. But she regularly has dinner parties I'm not invited to because it's for couples.
So I'm wondering, what is it you couples get from hanging out together that I can't join in with?

OP posts:
WidgetDigit2022 · 23/07/2022 23:28

We have one couple we regularly meet with. I like it. The dynamics are equal and I find there's more people to bounce off. You can also joke about couple stuff where I think a single person wouldn't really want to hear it.

I also enjoy meeting with my friends alone one on one but I wouldnt want to meet with a couple if I was on my own and vice versa. To me, the dynamics are just a bit odd. But I know it could work for others.

Bigwetdog · 23/07/2022 23:37

I don't know op. I'm in a couple but haven't always been and have literally never encountered this. I've been invited out with couples as a single person, I've been invited out by single people as a couple... I think what you've described is weird and odd and none of my friends would exclude people like this - we invite people to things regardless of their romantic status.

Perhaps it's normal for a foursome to do dinner? To enjoy it so. It wouldn't be a 'lets exclude the singles thing'.- more a 'less do dinner just the four of us' thing

QS90 · 23/07/2022 23:51

Not sure about couples in particular, but I sometimes invite out sub-groups of friends where there is a good dynamic, as it's so hard to find a time to suit a big group - the more people you invite out, the bigger the organisational headache!

I think "double dates" can work if the two boys can chat about "boys things", the girls talk about "girls things", everyone has the comfort of having their own partner close by, but have other people to chat with too. There's no worry that your partner will be bored or feel left out, as they have their designated "chatting partner". That was always my understanding of it anyway. They can also talk about couply things without worrying about making any singletons feel jealous or excluded from the conversation (if some of their friends would rather be in a relationship of course).

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/07/2022 23:54

I think "double dates" can work if the two boys can chat about "boys things", the girls talk about "girls things"

This is exactly why I hate them. It's incredibly sexist. I like people. Regardless of their plumbing. I hang out with a lot of singles. And I have a DH.

Original poster
perimenofertility · 24/07/2022 00:05

"You can also joke about couple stuff where I think a single person wouldn't really want to hear it." @WidgetDigit2022

"They can also talk about couply things without worrying about making any singletons feel jealous or excluded from the conversation" @QS90

But what are these "couple" jokes/things that I couldn't join in with? Not trying to sound arsy, just genuinely don't get it.

OP posts:
QS90 · 24/07/2022 00:06

Oh all s

Indiana2021 · 24/07/2022 00:06

I don't do this. DH has his friends and I have mine. Our friends aren't friends so we socialise completely separately. Suits me fine.

Bigwetdog · 24/07/2022 00:11

perimenofertility · 24/07/2022 00:05

"You can also joke about couple stuff where I think a single person wouldn't really want to hear it." @WidgetDigit2022

"They can also talk about couply things without worrying about making any singletons feel jealous or excluded from the conversation" @QS90

But what are these "couple" jokes/things that I couldn't join in with? Not trying to sound arsy, just genuinely don't get it.

Yeah I don't get it either op. It's not you, it's them. I think maybe they're a bit... Can't think of the word. Basic?

QS90 · 24/07/2022 00:16

All sorts of boring stuff that is mainly relatable and thus funny when you're in that situation yourself. Like in-jokes in a particular office about a photocopier would be boring to anyone who didn't work there. For couples, it could be like "Ho-ho! Isn't it funny how we men always have to wait ages for our partners to get ready LOL!".

Or, could be things like planning to get a mortgage together or start a family, which could be insensitive to talk about around for example a single friend who couldn't afford a mortgage by themselves, or wanted to start a family but had no partner to do it with.

I doubt you're missing out on anything to riveting 😂

stupidly · 24/07/2022 00:20

I'd probably feel awkward for some reason (no reason?) about inviting a single mate along for dinner with another couple.
I'd probably have to balance it out and invite someone else and then a chilled meal for 4 turns in to 6 and it's just a bit more of a faff.

I don't particularly go after 'couple friends' but sometimes just making plans with one other couple is easier than finding a time to suit multiple people.

WarrickDavisAsPlates · 24/07/2022 00:22

I'm also interested to know what these "couple jokes" would be.

OP are your friends the type who hold romantic relationships as some kind of sacred life goal?

Some people seem to think of being in "a couple" as a big achievement and expect to make a lifestyle surrounding that. It also tends to be people who are pretty sexist or have some internalised misogyny in my experience. Being a "couple" becomes a big part of their identity.

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/07/2022 00:27

"Ho-ho! Isn't it funny how we men always have to wait ages for our partners to get ready LOL!".

Surely no one wants to hang out with THAT nobber.

Earlydancing · 24/07/2022 00:32

My lovely aunt (family friend, not related) had quite a few couple friends that she and my uncle used to go out with. When he died, when she was in her late 60s, they all stopped inviting her out with them. They'd speak to her but she never got invited to meals. She was so sad. Not only did she lose her much loved husband but she lost her social life too.
She said there was just about only my mum and dad that was still welcoming to her.
The first poster on here said,
We have one couple we regularly meet with. I like it. The dynamics are equal and I find there's more people to bounce off. You can also joke about couple stuff where I think a single person wouldn't really want to hear it.
I think its a good summation. Single people don't fit into their group because it would make the couples feel uncomfortable, but they claim they're only doing it to be thoughtful about the single person's feelings.

Tryingtokeepgoing · 24/07/2022 00:39

It’s definitely a thing. I have a great bunch of friends but even so, since my husband died, the number of invitations to things where partners (of any gender) has fallen off a cliff. As someone single because of a death, it’s a tough blow to deal with. You’re already struggling with the fact your identity has irrevocably changed, but so has your social circle. And it happens so quickly. Not deliberately I’m sure, but it happens. Yet when my husband was alive we’d happily invite a bunch of people comprising couples and those who were single because, quite frankly, it made for a more diverse conversations and a more rounded evening.

Bigwetdog · 24/07/2022 00:40

WarrickDavisAsPlates · 24/07/2022 00:22

I'm also interested to know what these "couple jokes" would be.

OP are your friends the type who hold romantic relationships as some kind of sacred life goal?

Some people seem to think of being in "a couple" as a big achievement and expect to make a lifestyle surrounding that. It also tends to be people who are pretty sexist or have some internalised misogyny in my experience. Being a "couple" becomes a big part of their identity.

Yes THIS.

MarshaMelrose · 24/07/2022 01:08

Or, could be things like planning to get a mortgage together or start a family, which could be insensitive to talk about around for example a single friend who couldn't afford a mortgage by themselves, or wanted to start a family but had no partner to do it with.

Is this for real? Single people can get mortgages. The vast, vast majority of single people don't care that you're starting a family, neither do married people. They're not upset. But does that mean that you won't go out with infertile couples in case they get upset if you talk about children?

And just FYI, no one is jealous of you for having a husband who jokes about women always being late. But as your husband is too bored to speak to single woman who aren't his idea of a "chatting partner" who must talk about boy things, like Tonka cars and Subbuteo, I doubt they'll ever hear his joke.

Bigwetdog · 24/07/2022 01:12

I think @QS90 might be one of the friends 🤣

If so time for new friends op!

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 24/07/2022 01:18

I've never done it. It all sounds a bit too Abigail's Party for my liking.

SleepingStandingUp · 24/07/2022 01:29

DH and I don't have mutual friends

I am see that if you're going our for dinner you can have a little group and only negotiate diaries with one set of people but beyond that no ideas.

Before we had kids, DHs single friend would stopover occasionally, all three of us would go for dinner. Never really occurred to me that he might be bored by our couple talk S there was many other things to talk about

anthurium · 24/07/2022 03:21

@MarshaMelrose

Indeed, single people do get mortgages, and even have children own their own if that's what they want to do (solo mother by choice, conceived using a sperm donor).

@QS90 How utterly patronising!

QS90 · 24/07/2022 07:24

These aren't my options, and me and my partner don't do

Maximoose · 24/07/2022 07:29

We only go out as couples because we don’t have any single friends atm. But it wouldn’t occur to me to exclude someone just because they don’t have a partner, that’s really odd.

Festoonlights · 24/07/2022 07:30

Balance usually.
Dinner parties especially need to be balanced usually unless they are girls/ boys nights.
I invite my single friends to parties, girls nights and lunches. I probably wouldn’t invite them to a small dinner party of six/eight as it would be awkward. Everyone would have a partner but them.

Festoonlights · 24/07/2022 07:31

I have lots of different friends single, divorced and married. I don’t see them all at once but in different settings.

QS90 · 24/07/2022 07:33

Damn phone!

We don't do double dating either, we would always invite single friends or couples or whatever, and seldom go out either as a couple or by ourselves lol due to two under twos.

Of course people who are single do get mortgages by themselves (I did), and can plan to start families by themselves. But it's not the point of the question is it? Not everyone in the world is so progressive, so these are some of the reasons that SOME PEOPLE might like to have couple friends. Or a thousand other reasons like them, dependant on the situation. So the list would be;

  • Ease of organising
  • Balanced dynamic
  • Relatable jokes (hopefully better than my example but you get the gist)
  • Worry (rightly or wrongly) about hurting single friends feelings
  • Being near your partner, whilst having other people to bounce off too