Why do couples like hanging out with couples?

[perimenofertility]

As the title says, why do couples enjoy hanging out with other couples so much?
I am single now, but when I've been in a couple I have never particularly sought to spend time with other couples so I just don't get this. I always spend time with people (single, couple, group) who are my friends.
I am in a friendship group of six people. We periodically meet all six of us for dinner. But the four who are two couples regularly arrange "couples drinks" and don't invite me and other single friend. This really irritates me and makes me sad.
Similarly, I have a good friend at work, we have lunch or drinks together often. But she regularly has dinner parties I'm not invited to because it's for couples.
So I'm wondering, what is it you couples get from hanging out together that I can't join in with?

We don't we quite id

Oops accidentally hit send. We don't just hang about with couples we will also often spend time with just one of my friends or my husbands too I wouldn't leave someone out just because they aren't part of a couple

I experienced this a bit in my student days. Between a few flats there was a big friendship group of three couples, me and one other single girl. But then the three couples started having "couples' nights" (they literally called it that) where me and the other single friend weren't invited. As far as I know they were just the same as all our other gatherings - bit of food and wine at someone's house kind of thing.

I don't think it was an excuse to get rid of us singletons because they secretly didn't like us, or something. And the two of us were pretty close; we could have happily chatted if the couples needed some time to stare deeply into their beloved's eyes. Looking back on it now, I think perhaps "couples' nights" were how their parents socialised and they were playing at being grownups.

Anyway, it's not something I'm drawn to. Whenever I'm in a LTR, like now, my friend's relationship statuses really don't factor into what I invite them to.

I am still chuckling about ‘chatting partner’ on page 1! Not in a mean way - it just really reminds me of two women I know who socialise as families / couples. It’s literally impossible to get a word in. They have the same tone of voice, they see each other all the time and they never run out of things to chat about. They are true ‘chatting partners’.

The couples not inviting you probably isn't anything personal and more that they wouldn't want to make you feel uncomfortable being the only single person there. Some single people may not be happy about being single so maybe they are just thinking ahead that you probably wouldn't want to be third wheel kind of thing. I'm not massively fussed about hanging out with only couples but sometimes if my husband wants to see a friend I will just tag along so I can spend time with the wife.

I don't do this and wouldn't be interested in hanging out with other couples. I don't understand why some people do it but I don't need to. It's just not for me.

Definitely this. Such awful terminology being used on the thread. 'Singletons'? Ugh. I wouldn't give that person the time of day never mind spend time with them, in a couple or not.

The couples not inviting you probably isn't anything personal and more that they wouldn't want to make you feel uncomfortable being the only single person there

why do they think they have the right to make that decision though?

offer the invite, and the person can decide whether they want to attend?

it’s bullying by exclusion. People are just trying to make themselves feel better- “we’re only thinking of you”. Do them a favour and ditch them as friends if you don’t enjoy spending time with them.

Lots of interesting comments here, thanks everyone. Some of you have made me feel better, some have made me feel worse
I wrote the post last night when I was upset. The group of six friends I mentioned - we are actually neighbours, two couples, me (single) and another single neighbour - all get on really well and socialise together with dinners and events together. But the two couples also do the (what I consider odd) couples nights together and leave me and other single neighbour out. Part of me thinks they can do whatever they like, but part of me is hurt that they knew I was home but didn't invite me because it was couples hang-out, and I could see/hear them together in the garden next door to me while I was home alone.
I think the reason it upsets me is because I form friendships around liking a person, and enjoy spending time with them because I like the person. Their relationship status or how they fit/balance in my life never comes into play.
I suppose I need to re-evaluate which friendships I invest in going forward.

@perimenofertility that does sound a bit childish - there could be several reasons why you weren't invited last night. Just accept that your friends socialise with other people at different times. It doesn't mean they don't like you.

I doubt the men in these couples would care. But the women (who are in charge of the social calendar usually) probably feel threatened by other single women around their OH so they engineer it this way.

Which means they don't trust their partners?

As someone in a couple, I’ll often organise things with other couples purely because then my DP will have a nice time when I’m dragging him out. I’ll usually test a “couple” made up of my friend and their DP and if the two boys get on then we are good to go! However if it’s a bigger group I’ll happily invite my single gfs (and he’ll invite single guy mates too). I’ll also hang out with single girls for girls nights and lunches etc.

i did notice when I was single after divorce that my circle changed a lot and the couple friends died off, but I also got invited to way more fun things with other singles. Once I met DP I stopped being invited to the fun things for single friends and circle shifted back to other couples.

i think sometimes there is an element of women being threatened by other single women, but I think that would be a pretty rare reason.

I guess the couples vs singles gangs are fine when young and there are plenty of singles, but what PP describes about being widowed and then losing friends also sounds bloody horrendous and I hope I would never put my friends through that!

If your guest feels like a third wheel hanging out with you and your DP, that's on you. If there 2+ pairs of couples why would a single person feel like a third wheel unless you're having sex, are only allowed to talk with your partner beside you or the only tho g you talk about is being in a couple? Surely two couple and one single person is just five friends?

That does sound horrible to have heard them and feel sad, but sometimes people just want to spend time with a smaller more intimate group. As PP said, it doesn’t mean they don’t like you!

because then my DP will have a nice time when I’m dragging him out. I’ll usually test a “couple” made up of my friend and their DP and if the two boys get on then we are good to go! why can't your partner get on with your female friends? Why can't you invite a single friend along who he'd get on with?

Ah yes. I understand. The men go play billiards and smoke their cigars, while the women take their smelling salts and embroidery into the withdrawing room. Enlightened times.

The couples not inviting you probably isn't anything personal and more that they wouldn't want to make you feel uncomfortable being the only single person there. Some single people may not be happy about being single so maybe they are just thinking ahead that you probably wouldn't want to be third wheel kind of thing.

I, for one, am grateful for that explanation. I had thought that when my aunt's couple friends, after 40 years of socialising and going out for meals, stopped inviting her out as a single person after my uncle died, they were being cruel and nasty. She not only lost her much loved husband and found herself living alone and lonely, but they also removed her social life. She was good enough to meet for a coffee during the day, but they'd go out for meals and not tell her.
But in reality, according to you, they were being kind. They didn't want her to feel uncomfortable and judged that she'd be so much happier sat at home on her own than out with her lifelong friends.
It's like some archaic society when widows had to retire from public life!
And just for anyone's information, single people aren't third wheels - ie, A person or thing that serves no useful purpose. You don't have to make special allowances for them. Just speak to them like normal people. You might actually find that they have more experience of relationships and life than you do.

My husband has a lot more friends than me. I have been out with other couples (usually the man is a friend of DH) and it's expected that I will like and get on with the female partner. I am very shy and hate most social situations, and I usually do not like the female partner. But because "the lads" are having a jolly time we are supposed to as well.

Note: I also usually dislike the male friend too. In fact, I hate most people. It's not personal, it's just I find most people either a bit much or not honest. My opinion only.

Then DH will say, what do you think of so and so? He wants me to expand my social circle. I don't know why. I have two good friends and that's enough thank you. I say I will be polite but I don't like them. I loathe couple dates. It's so fake.

Exactly. How on earth after knowing a group of friends for 40 years would a widowed woman feel awkward or uncomfortable being single? Grieving, sad, yes, but uncomfortable because of not having a partner anymore? Rubbish, if they're good friends there would be none of this.

I do think it's a balance thing. Similarly why parents with kids, do things with other parents with kids.

So if we’re doing a couples thing, single people aren’t part of that.

What are those things @bubblescoop ?
Because you can be single after a divorce and be quite aware/have personal experience of those ‘couple things’….
It’s not as if the OP has never been in a LT relationship fir example so she was at a different life stage (like a single 20 something who has no intention to settle down vs a couple who has just got married and is planning a family).

Lots of preconceived ideas there

but that's different - kids might need other kids to play with, as there are genuine differences between children and adults.

there aren't genuine differences between coupled up people and single people, so why does it need to be balanced?

unless you mean male/female balance

Fully agree there.

The ‘oh the single person might feel uncomfortable’ is just an excuse to make them look good (I’m doing that because I’m thinking of her) to hide their true feelings (which could be their were friends with her dh, not her so much. They are uncomfortable with her grief etc etc)
Very hypocritical really.

Ot wouldn’t have been hard to ASK HER instead of presuming. ESP when you have been friends for so long

When hanging out with a single person it just feels like they're third wheeling. And it's nice to spend time with other couples in similar life situations e.g. with kids