Why do couples like hanging out with couples?

[perimenofertility]

As the title says, why do couples enjoy hanging out with other couples so much?
I am single now, but when I've been in a couple I have never particularly sought to spend time with other couples so I just don't get this. I always spend time with people (single, couple, group) who are my friends.
I am in a friendship group of six people. We periodically meet all six of us for dinner. But the four who are two couples regularly arrange "couples drinks" and don't invite me and other single friend. This really irritates me and makes me sad.
Similarly, I have a good friend at work, we have lunch or drinks together often. But she regularly has dinner parties I'm not invited to because it's for couples.
So I'm wondering, what is it you couples get from hanging out together that I can't join in with?

Honestly if you need to take your DP a little friend to play with when you go out for dinner / drinks, you have a DP problem

I assume swinging

When hanging out with a single person it just feels like they're third wheeling. And it's nice to spend time with other couples in similar life situations e.g. with kids

single people don’t have kids?

so you think this person who you call a friend is pretty much a spare part when other couples are present, and you don’t want so socialise with them.

again the question- if one of your couples split, do you ditch them?

If your friend feels like a third wheel when it's just you, her and your partner, that reflects poorly on you and your ability to interact like an adult vs OneHalfOfOurForeverLove. I'd work on my social skills if I were you.

So do you only pick couples with the right number of kids and ages etc? I have ZERO friends in the same situation as us - DS r tooth some medical issues, then twins. Imagine socialising with someone who had daughter's for example or only one child. Or a single parent with three boys Inc twins. I mean hoe would she understand what my life is LIKE??

again the question- if one of your couples split, do you ditch them? and if you and DH split or he dies, are you happy being excluded from all the cool couples because your life will be incomparable to them now and you might feel like an awkward spare part?

Absolutely dying laughing at “couples events”. What on earth are you doing, going round the shops buying his and hers pyjamas?

I’m another one who thinks it’s weird and regressive. I make friends with people based on their personality and what I have in common with them. Me and my friends have been in and out of couples over the time we’ve known each other but the way we socialised never changed - those of us who were already friends carried on hanging out without partners (if we had them at the time) and partners were welcome to come to bigger events like birthdays etc but none of this bizarre double dating for the sake of it.

I have three married/in LTR friends and they don’t do “couple things” either, I’ve hung out with them as a single person and they also socialise without their partners. I think it must be a generational thing tbh because we’re all millennials and I honestly can’t think of anyone our age or younger who’d be so prescriptive about hanging out with couples.

Single women are generally viewed with a degree of suspicion from couples I find.

I have been single for a long time and I have lots of female friends, their husbands don't tend to talk to me much and I'd never meet up with them as a couple.

When I was in a relationship I was invited to a lot more things.

I'm currently on holiday with my teen dd and even here I've found couples will avoid talking to me but will talk to other couples. The few conversations I have had have been with other single women.

Single women are generally viewed with a degree of suspicion from couples I find

it’s almost as if it’s catching. Or we haven’t moved on from the days where unmarried mothers were put into asylums and never spoken of again, and to be divorced was a disgrace that got you shunned.

i actually think it’s a combination of smug superiority and fear that any marriage is one mistake away from collapse.

It really is ridiculous, because if a woman cannot trust her husband around a single woman, she has a huge problem, bigger than any Cold Feet/Abigail's Party scenario.

This thread is a serious eye opener. "Couples events"! Dear me. I had no idea this sort of thing actually went on.

What would happen to women who have been single their whole life?

Never have any friends, only aloud to have other single friends - who will have to drop them if they find a partner?

It's also that sometimes you might be having MORE FUN than the couples, or you might be miserable. In marriages, I guess it's easier to pretend they are all equally as content (probably not true as it all varies)

It’s eye opening what a sore spot this seems to be!
My dh would be very polite to a single friend of mine but would not dream of having the same conversations he has with our male friends, he would also deem it inappropriate to spend a long time with a single person as he is married. My single friends are not his friends - so he is welcoming but it stops at that.
Deep and meaningful conversations happen with the two of us.

The men often talk about cricket, rugby etc - some women might be interested, most are not. Polite and well mannered men talk inclusively with other people but often revert back to their bikes, old cars and sports given the choice with other men.

That’s why couples dinners work well. They are not exclusive, I invite some of my single friends sometimes but not always. I don’t invite everyone to everything. Bigger dinners work well with anyone - smaller dinners of four or six can be strained unless they are very close friends with all of the couples. As the single person might like feel like the odd one out. It is more obvious with a small supper.

I like girls nights, so relaxed and I enjoy inviting lots of friends to things, I have never considered for even a minute any of my single friends would be making a beeline for the married men?! It wouldn’t even cross my mind.

yeah, pretty much

lots of coffees in the daytime

I'd rather be invited along, and worry for myself whether I'm a third wheel, rather than having someone else decide that. They might think it's 'just this once', but it gets repeated for years on end from lots of people you know, and that's a lot of time being lonely. I'm very grateful for one or two couples I know who do ask me along to things. Holidays are still always alone of course. And most days out. But every so often we do a day out together, especially if I organise.

I can only assume you have very stereotypical friends.

My dh would be very polite to a single friend of mine but would not dream of having the same conversations he has with our male friends... The men often talk about cricket, rugby etc He wou;dn't dream of talking about sport with a woman?? Or is it that their chat is too vulgar, course and uncouth for a womans ears?

he would also deem it inappropriate to spend a long time with a single person as he is married Single person or single woman? What's the difference between spending a long time with single Sue vs married Mary?

My single friends are not his friends But your married ones are? What happens if Loved Up Lucy gets divorced? Can he no longer be her friend?

Men... often revert back to their bikes, old cars and sports given the choice with other men. Ah so it's just that your menfolk aren't very interesting? No opinions on politics, no interest in movies that arent about bikes, cars and sports? No interest in music or the arts or current affairs?

And no sore spot for me, i'm happily married so would be allowed to your parties and allowed to talk to your husband without anyone getting concerned we've talked for too long. I just don't recognise this level of suppression and narrow mindedness.

I don't know but there's been massive shift in my friendships since I became single (DH died).

We had a really lovely friendship group of 5 couples, including us (so we did it too) who I thought would be the people I'd turn to after his death.

Some of them have been good as individuals. One of the women makes a point of keeping in touch and getting me out and one of the men keeps in touch and offers practical help (with no hint of anything untoward), one of the couples whonhave a woder social circle include me in things where there will be other single people and when I happen to be at the same events they're all friendly, but the group as such doesn't exist for me any more.

I don't get included in anything and they often have reasons not to come if I suggest something, which will often turn out to be that the group already had plans 😥

I do find all this faux surprise that men very often just want to hang out with men at dinner parties! Women with women.

Most dhs talk to their wives friends out of necessity and to be polite not because it’s fun or because they have so much in common. It’s an endurance until they can go back to speaking about their bathroom installation, formula one or whatever. That’s why a group of four doesn’t work that well with one single person bolted on, and dramatically changes with two extras. The length of polite chitchat is onerous if there are only two men and four women which is why ops friends sometimes get together alone. The men prob prefer it, and the women can talk about their relationships together without feeling they are excluding you. It’s not because they don’t like you op 💐

She probably knows she has a problem, but that doesn't make it go away.

If the group naturally splits into two groups anyway, why would it matter if there's 3 men and 4 women?

No one in my social networks would make the faux pas of talking about politics and increasingly current affairs. Anyone that socialises a lot would do this now.

I have many many friends, none are interested in rugby or cricket or DIY it’s just a fact! If they did then I am sure they would enjoy a conversation. We are nearly or over fifty, no one talks about music?! But travelling, holidays, schools and arts/museums are good and easy topics, but it’s all pretty artificial and I personally prefer deeper conversations about feelings and thoughts etc and I wouldn’t have that kind of conversation with my friends husband fgs! My friends and I are very open about our lives.

Couples like hanging out with couples so that they can compare notes once the other couple(s) has gone, and reassure themselves that they have the better relationship.

Call me cynical 😋

Most dhs talk to their wives friends out of necessity and to be polite not because it’s fun or because they have so much in common you know men can have female friends that
aren't just Wifes Friend or Mate Missus??

@Festoonlights point taken about politics, I have quite similar politics to my friends so it isn't contentious but I agree it's best avoided in mixed groups. But, We are nearly or over fifty, no one talks about music?! sorry, what? You never go to a concert, buy (download) a new album, here someone new on the radio??

OK so at your dinner parties the women are pouring out their hearts and souls to each other, whilst the men are taking sports cars and rugby. Gotcha. But that still doesn't really cover why he would never talk to a single person for too long and how long is too long, or why Single Sue is suddenly ruining the mood given its split into men and women anyway. Why can't you open your heart and soul to Sue just because she doesn't have a partner right now? Do you think single women are incapable of empathy? Are married women?

Its all just so stuffy and regimented.

Oh dear, Laura's husband Larry has been talking to Sue for at least 13 minutes. Obv we trust both of them implicitly but golly, he's being very inappropriate. She doesn't even have a chaperone! What if he mentions a car engine or a U Bend? She might have cause to feint!!

Thing is, no one cares about what you talk about or why you're permitted to talk to, but all the "oh golly, we do like Couples Times!!" must be able to see how offensive and hurtful it is to their single friends that they've never been good enough or worse, they y no longer are because their partner died or they got divorced.

Thanks God most of Mils close friends are her cousins whom she socialises with as a group of women, and her SIL/BILs who wouldn't dream of abandoning her now her husband is dead.

Beware reaping what you sow. Some of you unfortunately might be the widows cast asunder one day

Yeah never mind all the rest of your bizarre social rules, I’m most interested in why you can’t talk about music because you’re 50 or over?

I have female friends who are interested in rugby and DIY and male friends that I talk about feelings with. I had no idea we were such inappropriate social mavericks.

I am so sorry you experience this. For me it’s the same but it was divorce, not death (abuse).

it’s so very hard. We need more singles friendship networks I think, particularly for those of us in middle age when it’s harder to meet other single people.

Couldn’t the single person, and I’m following your rules here, the talk with the same sex people?

So single man (once again, is the problem single people, or single women??) can talk about cars, female folks antics and sports.
Or if it’s single woman, she can join the women and talk about flower arragment, make-up and silly men who can’t wipe their own bums - aren’t they just so silly - gotta love ’em…