Why do couples like hanging out with couples?

[perimenofertility]

As the title says, why do couples enjoy hanging out with other couples so much?
I am single now, but when I've been in a couple I have never particularly sought to spend time with other couples so I just don't get this. I always spend time with people (single, couple, group) who are my friends.
I am in a friendship group of six people. We periodically meet all six of us for dinner. But the four who are two couples regularly arrange "couples drinks" and don't invite me and other single friend. This really irritates me and makes me sad.
Similarly, I have a good friend at work, we have lunch or drinks together often. But she regularly has dinner parties I'm not invited to because it's for couples.
So I'm wondering, what is it you couples get from hanging out together that I can't join in with?

We don't have any couple friends apart from family, ie my sisters and their other halves. But my single sister also joins in everything we do. In fact my single sister often hangs out with me and my husband.
I don't have couple friends as my husband and I have different sets of friends so I'll go out with mine, he'll go out with his. Tbh childcare issues would prevent us socializing together anyway. A few of the women in my friendship group do have couples nights with their husband's too which I see on Facebook, I just presume they all get on, the husband's must be mates too and maybe their friendships are longer standing and pre-date when I met them all. I'm too old to feel jealous or have any friendship rivalry. I go out occasionally and have a good time when I do, what they do inbetween times is separate to my friendships with those people.
The whole balance/boy-girl chat/people feeling uncomfortable stuff seems like a load of balls to me though!

I think it’s old fashioned, sexist twaddle.

We have some friends who, when we see them, try and section us off. So I get put into the women’s group and made to talk about shoes, spa days, schools and other shit that doesn’t interest me. My husband gets taken away to talk about sport, work and probably sexist shit about women. Suffice to say that I don’t see them much!

I am also always intrigued by couples who meet other couples on holiday. When I get some quality time with DH, I like to spend time with him.

That's incredibly sexist? Presumably the men and women are happy enough to talk to each other about things they relate to

personally I think it’s fucking rude to exclude people based on whether they have a partner. if you have a dinner party and don’t invite a single friend because “balance” you and your friends are arses.

Exactly right@Reallyreallyborednow

There are some really bullshit excuses on this thread for excluding people who are single. "Balance" my arse.

I hate it! But then I hate hanging out in groups too!

Yes, it's sexist to assume that men and women wouldn't have any common interests or want to talk to each other.

It's because the couple's are in relationships so fragile that they think the single women will waltz off with their untrusted prize male!

A single friend got called out at a BBQ recently for being there by an awful married woman. What she failed to understand is we are all happy she is married to her awful husband because it keeps him off the market. So if you are a smug married thinking you are keeping other women waiting to pounce on your husband at bay don't be so big-hearted there might just be relief.

They're not being fenced apart

After I got divorced I did a dinner once for 2 couples who we regularly had over when I was married. I ended up spending ages in the kitchen sorting food while they chatted to each other in the living room. It wasn’t super sociable for me. 😆 Obviously we did talk and it was nice to see them. But this works differently in a couple, one cooks while the other chats etc. All the hosting, prep and tidy on your own is a lot of effort. Then when they left it took ages to clear up the house and wash up, fairly depressing on your own. Oh and pretty expensive to cook a dinner for 5 when you got used to cooking for one. So loads of reasons for me that I prefer cooking for a couple of single friends or going out. I still see those friends but rarely at a big dinner at mine. There are better ways.

OP I think the less invites as a single is real. But maybe that is something to embrace, as a few others said. You are most likely not missing anything great. And you can find other ways to spend your time and see the people you genuinely connect with.

The smug marrieds do this. DH and I have a shared friend who is married. We love going out with him and his wife. We love going out with him on his own. My DH goes out with them if I'm sick and he's not. I don't go for drinks with him alone as that's probably a bit odd but we go for walks or coffee alone sometimes and I go out just with his wife occasionally.

I've never got this either. I think we have been out with another couple once in 15 years but that was really because we we were both friendly with them separately.

I agree with those who made identity comments. I love my husband dearly but I've lived on my own and am quite independent so I don't feel I need him to do things with me. I have friends who won't do anything on their own and look at me like I have two heads when I take the kids away camping on my own (I get more time off than DH).

I wonder if it is a reflection on them rather than you. They wouldn't like to go out alone, get a taxi/tube home alone so seek out interactions where they don't have to and assume you would feel the same way?

I'd put them in the category of those who bring husband's to baby groups where the aim is to get to know new people and it makes the dynamic strange

Agree with you OP
Just because my husband has a friend who is married why should I be 'friends' with that wife.
Find once people have children one parent will stay at home with children. Other will go out with friends or the couple will get babysitter and head out alone a date I guess.

We socialize mainly with Dp's friends these are made up of families of about 6 or 7 couples with children. Dp has a single male friend who she sees separately and works colleagues who she also socializes with.
I have a small group of long-standing friends but we socialize as a group of men.
I have a few female friends who I catch up with alone.
I suppose the only time they will all meet is when we marry.

It seems so old fashioned. As does having a dinner party, actually.

I was long-term single for most of my 20s and always vowed that I'd never do couples-only socialising, and we still don't. Some of the reasons given for it in this thread are bonkers. "Men talk about man stuff, women talk about girl stuff" is so alien to how anyone in my social circle communicates. I loathe gender-segregated socialising enough already, why would I turn mixed-gender socialising into it?

And odd numbers at dinner parties are not remotely awkward! It is possible to have three-way (or more!) conversations. Inviting a single friend and a couple also works out fine, in those cases everyone is already friends with each other anyway and in some cases before I met anyone involved. Why would it be awkward?

If I socialise more in couples in my late 30s it's because more of my friends are in couples now; I tend to like my friends' partners, certainly enough to host them for an evening, and so does DP.

Actually the conversational segregation that is useful with a couple is when the two who were oldest friends go down the rabbithole of reminiscing and private jokes/gossip, and then their partners can talk independently without having to sit through it all. That isn't really gender-based though.

I don't get it at all 🤷🏻‍♀️

If it's a couple on a date then fine, as soon as there's 3 or more why does relstionship status even come into it?

Years ago there was only one single friend in our 'group' and I remember when partners were invited to something I'd say, "just so you know, the partners are all coming to" - then if she didn't want to spend her night hanging out with couples she could choose not to come (or make up an excuse).

I wouldn't think it would be my place to decide if she'd want a night out in couples when she was the single one. She could make her own mind up about that.

Funnily enough, after that I got divorced and ended up as the single one of the group for a while. I now have a DP and a different friend is now single. It might come back and bite all the anti-singles in their smug a*ses

Most of the posters clearly haven't read the thread. Posters have explained why it happens, why they like it. It's rare. It doesn't mean you don't include singles, or are scared of singles stealing your husband! It's not sexist.

Posters, at least 2 of them said: I don't like the husband of my friend or my husband doesn't like the husband of my friend enough to socialise with them. And I'm like exactly! Then don't. I replied to that aspect aswell, but still ignored. But if all 4 of you do like eachother, then you might well socialise.

If my friends had done this when I was long-term single I’d never have had a social life in my thirties and early forties. As it is my boyfriend of two years is a 50/50 dad and has his kids on Friday and Saturday nights so I’m usually flying solo anyway. I’m lucky that three of my mates have married men who I get on well with. And ostracising a widow because she’s no longer part of a couple is downright cruel. “Balance” my arse.

For example, 1 couple that my Dh and I both like :

If you like eachother, all 4 of you, both been married 20 years, so shared experiences, and have dc exactly the same ages, funnily enough you may have plenty to talk about.

Single women people do indeed get mortgages and even manage to pay them off by the time they're 42.

Yes — you were answering a question, noting what people seem to do. Not giving instructions, or saying that’s what you do yourself! So I haven’t struck you off my invite list

@QS90 They can also talk about couply things without worrying about making any singletons feel jealous or excluded from the conversation" bored to death

😂😂 Glad to hear it. Think there is some confusion on this thread about what the question is - "HOW SHOULD people feel / act?" vs "WHY DO people act the way they do?"

Even within that, there is no "correct" way for people to feel / act. Just because I (any many of the people on this thread) choose to frequently hang out with mixed genders / mixed couples and singles, doesn't mean that's what everyone enjoys. Both are fine, we don't all have to be the same!

The art of discussion is almost dead 😔

In 20 years of marriage we have never done couples stuff, I have my friends he has his. I have never understood the appeal of double date type things