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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help! HE WONT LEAVE....

114 replies

curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 12:50

Last night I came back from a friend with the kids. Went there to so my 2 kids could play with other kids and just do something for them..
For the past last week we have organised to take all the kids and some other friends of my friends to drive to Great Yarmouth. Today were the day we were suppose to go. I have told my kids father about this in got time by the way. so no excuses...

When I came home last night in time with the only car in the household so he could go to work is attitude was off.. He didn't say nothing to me.. just spoke with kids and asked them if the played and had fun.. they said YES OF COURSE!

I asked him if he still was good for the trip in the morning..
HES STARTED TO SHOUT AND WAS RUDE TELL ME OFF. LIKE WHY DID I TAKE THE CAR AND DROVE TO MY FRIEND. LIKE ME HAVING THE CAR HAS NEVER BEEN AN ISSUE..HE STARTED TO SAY ALL KIND OF THINGS THAT THE CAR IS HIS AND STARTED TO TALK ABOUT THAT I WILL NEVER DRIVE THE CAR AGAIN.. SO BASICALLY HE SAID NO TO THE BEACH TRIP TO GREAT YARMOUTH..

HE LEFT FOR WORK AND I SAT IN MY KITCHEN STARTED TO PACKING HIS STUFF.. MY SON WENT TO BED DISAPPOINTED. SAID TO ME , MUM IS NOT JUST DADS CAR IS ALL OF US CAR.. THAT BROKE ME..
I JUST THOUGHT TO MYSELF LOOK AT THIS PERSON BREAKING HIS TWO KIDS HEART TO SPIT ME TO TAKE THEM SOMEWHERE THAT I ORGANISED SO THEY CAN DO SOMETHING DUIRNG HOLIDAY..
I TOLD HIM IF THAT IS YOUR CAR TAKE IT AND TAKE YOUR BELONGINGS WITH YOU.. I RANG HIM BY THE WAY WHILST HE WAS AT WORK DURING THE NIGHT.. HE HANG UP THE PHONE ON ME..

I RANG MY FRIEND TO TELL HER WHAT HAD HAPPENED SHE WAS GUTTED FOR ME AND SPECIALLY FOR THE KIDS.. NOW THEY HAVE LOST OUT ON A GREAT EXPERIENCE BECAUSE THE FATHER TO MY KIDS IS CHILDISH AND PETTY..

AFTER I PACKED HIS BELONGINGS AND HE CAME HOME THIS MORNING HE CAME HOME AND SAW EVERYTHING OUTSIDE HE CAME IN TO SAY THAT I NEED TO BRING HIS STUFF BACK INSIDE BEFORE HE GETS REALLY MAD.. I SAID NO IS NOTHING HERE FOR YOU ANYMORE.. HE HUFFED AND PUFFED WOKE THE KIDS UP AT 6AM TELLING THEM TO GET READY. HE BACKED THEIR SWIMMING GEAR AND FEW TOWLS AND TOLD THE KIDS TO WAKE ME UP.. I DONT KNOW WHY BECAUSE HIS ELDEST SONE WHO IS NEARLY 6 HEARD EVERYTHING HE SAID.. ANY WAYS LONG STORY SHORT.. HE ENDEND TELLING OUR SON LOOK AT YOUR MUM SHE HAS LET YOU DOWN BECAUSE SHE DONT WANT TO COME TO THE BEACH.. I MEAN WTF IS THIS GUY FOR REAL???

I EXPLined to my son the best way I could and then he took the kids clothes of because is not me who let them down is HIM.....I AM SICK OF THE BAD SICKENING POISONOUS HE IS AND I WANT HIM OUT.. I ASKED him why IS HE still in the house, he looked at me and said nothing... the kids ended go to sleep. for a bit and he his a sleep on the sofa.. I DONT WANT THIS GUY IN MY HOUSE NO MORE.. I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO????? HE DONT WANT TO DO NOTHING WITH THEM OR SPEND TIME WITH THEM. I AM TIERD OF HIM BEING HERE AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME... I WANT HIM OUT!!!! I WAS HAPPY TAKING MY KIDS ON MY OWN.. BUT I FELT HIS PETTYINESS HE DONT WANT ME TO DO NOTHING LIKE I NEED A PERMISSION TO TAKE MY KIDS. SO THERE FOR HE IS GOING LIKE THIS OVER A DAME CAR... THATS TOTALLY TOLD ME EVERYTHING I KNEW ALREADY....

PLEASE HELP...

OP posts:
CallOnMe · 23/07/2022 17:09

yes do they love him..

Maybe you could see if you can stay with your friend for a few days either until he finds a place or you do.

Chances are he will realise you’re serious and move out as he is the one that works and won’t be able to juggle childcare.

I think it’s important that one of you leave just so the kids can have a break.

Where does your family live?
Seeing as it’s the holidays could you all go there for a few days?

LemonSwan · 23/07/2022 17:16

It’s not a good idea for OP to leave. That’s always rule no1 of mumsnet and I am no expert in this area.

LemonSwan · 23/07/2022 17:18

SORRY OP - MUMSNET ALWAYS ADVISES A WOMAN NOT TO LEAVE FROM PREVIOUS THREADS I HAVE SEEN

DO NOT LEAVE
CALL THE POLICE

BlanketsBanned · 23/07/2022 17:25

Do not leave
Have your children got phones you can use
Can you use your computer or iPad to contact the police

Cherrysoup · 23/07/2022 17:26

It’s your flat, of course you don’t leave! If he won’t leave, you need to change the barrel of the lock-approximately £7. The police won’t remove him unless you are at risk, in which case, please call them.

CallOnMe · 23/07/2022 17:30

It’s not a good idea for OP to leave. That’s always rule no1 of mumsnet and I am no expert in this area.

But he won’t leave and OP won’t contact the police or anyone to get him out.
And the DCs are stuck in the middle of their constant arguing.

If the tenancy is in her name then she can try and get him evicted but I don’t think they should stay in the same house any longer.

Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 17:55

CallOnMe · 23/07/2022 17:30

It’s not a good idea for OP to leave. That’s always rule no1 of mumsnet and I am no expert in this area.

But he won’t leave and OP won’t contact the police or anyone to get him out.
And the DCs are stuck in the middle of their constant arguing.

If the tenancy is in her name then she can try and get him evicted but I don’t think they should stay in the same house any longer.

I just got off the phone to the police they said they will attend but they cant evict him is that true??

also they said I have to get legal action which is gonna be costly and I dont even work for him to get evicted.....I am soo confused and scared at. this point.

OP posts:
Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 17:58

Cherrysoup · 23/07/2022 17:26

It’s your flat, of course you don’t leave! If he won’t leave, you need to change the barrel of the lock-approximately £7. The police won’t remove him unless you are at risk, in which case, please call them.

I just got off the phone to them say said they will coming around but not sure when...and if they come they cant evicted him if he refuses.. he just took the kids out to get some food and he said if I dont bing in his stuff outside.. watch.. dont say I warned you....smh...I am so confused.

OP posts:
hesttreat · 23/07/2022 18:03

Belongings on doorstep, children overly involved, shouting and arguing in front of them.

Honestly the poor children.

Now the police are going to arrive, but nothing is going to be achieved by that?

CallOnMe · 23/07/2022 18:03

Are you with a private landlord or a housing association?

I would speak to them as if he’s not on the tenancy they should be able to serve him an eviction notice.
I don’t know how long this will take though.

Does he have any family or friends he can stay with?
Where are you expecting him to go?

I think you need to tell him that he’s got until Monday to find somewhere else to live else you will have to get a court order and get him evicted officially.
Tell him you both need to stop arguing and do what’s right for the children.

AMindNeedsBooks · 23/07/2022 18:04

curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 17:58

I just got off the phone to them say said they will coming around but not sure when...and if they come they cant evicted him if he refuses.. he just took the kids out to get some food and he said if I dont bing in his stuff outside.. watch.. dont say I warned you....smh...I am so confused.

Show quote history

I PM'd you back.

If he is threatening you, you need to call the police back and tell them this.

Cantbeliveyoufakeit · 23/07/2022 18:08

Yes call the police back and tell them he's threatening you, they should remove him and you can ask them to leave his keys so he can't get back in. The police can't evict him but they can remove him if he's threatening you and if he isn't on the tenancy agreement you don't have to let him back in.

AMindNeedsBooks · 23/07/2022 18:09

Do the children know it's his belongings sitting outside or do they think it's rubbish?

I'd actually consider contacting SS for support for both you and the children.

CornishTiger · 23/07/2022 18:12

Police won’t deal with evicting someone.

They will however deal with law enforcement which deals with abusive behaviour and threats.

You need to ring them back tell them the threats, they can put a DVPN in place which then gives you time for a referral to a domestic abuse charity and You can file for a non molesation order. ( it’s free)

Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 18:14

hesttreat · 23/07/2022 18:03

Belongings on doorstep, children overly involved, shouting and arguing in front of them.

Honestly the poor children.

Now the police are going to arrive, but nothing is going to be achieved by that?

I know it is not fair on the kids but I am holding myself back and always remind him that he should stop talking to me as we dont see eye to eye but he dont seem to care.. I just want the police to let him know I have had enough..I want him to go..thats it..

OP posts:
Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 18:15

AMindNeedsBooks · 23/07/2022 18:09

Do the children know it's his belongings sitting outside or do they think it's rubbish?

I'd actually consider contacting SS for support for both you and the children.

what is SS??

I THINK THEY THINK IS RUBBISH..

OP posts:
Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 18:18

CornishTiger · 23/07/2022 18:12

Police won’t deal with evicting someone.

They will however deal with law enforcement which deals with abusive behaviour and threats.

You need to ring them back tell them the threats, they can put a DVPN in place which then gives you time for a referral to a domestic abuse charity and You can file for a non molesation order. ( it’s free)

I have explained to the police. that before he left out to get the kids some food.. he treatend me with a warning if I dont get his belongings inside the watch....what I am suppose to do with info???
yes police said that too..so I dont have no legs to stand on then?
because I know he will refuse to leave and say to them I aint leaving...then what??
only god knows what will happened..

OP posts:
Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 18:22

Cantbeliveyoufakeit · 23/07/2022 18:08

Yes call the police back and tell them he's threatening you, they should remove him and you can ask them to leave his keys so he can't get back in. The police can't evict him but they can remove him if he's threatening you and if he isn't on the tenancy agreement you don't have to let him back in.

I explained to the police that he gave me a warning if his belongs wasn't inside by the time he came back... I told them I took that as a threat..I just hope to god he leaves I dont care where he goes I will ask him back my key...and then thats it I have accepted in my heart and soul I dont want nothing to do with him..aint no going back...trust me..

OP posts:
Wotaloadofshit · 23/07/2022 18:37

curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 13:32

SORRY IF I DONE SOMETHING YOU WONT LIKE...I AM HERE TO PLEASE PPL JUST TO GET SUPPORT. I AM VISUAL IMPAIRED SO IM NOT SHOUTING. I AM VERY CALM JUST TRYING TO EXPRESS MYSELF..

Show quote history

OP I am not aying this to be antagonistic but if you that visually impaired you missed you'd hit caps half way through your opening post are you safe to be driving? That is a major worry for me having lost loved ones in driving accidents.

AMindNeedsBooks · 23/07/2022 18:40

Replied back again. I know it can be difficult noticing the notification.

Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 18:49

Wotaloadofshit · 23/07/2022 18:37

OP I am not aying this to be antagonistic but if you that visually impaired you missed you'd hit caps half way through your opening post are you safe to be driving? That is a major worry for me having lost loved ones in driving accidents.

Show quote history

I wont be driving no more no trust me...it is ok...I hear your concerns.

OP posts:
Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 18:51

AMindNeedsBooks · 23/07/2022 18:40

Replied back again. I know it can be difficult noticing the notification.

I replied back..

OP posts:
Maybeebebe · 23/07/2022 18:54

curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 13:30

YES I AM VISUAL IMPAIRED THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT...XX

Show quote history

Apologies if you have answered this, but why are you driving if you are visually impaired to this degree?

Surely if you wear glasses to drive, you could use them for typing

SenoritaNaturista · 23/07/2022 19:01

OP, have you checked if you are shown as a named driver on his vehicle insurance policy?
also concerned at the driving, with children, and other road users…..

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