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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help! HE WONT LEAVE....

114 replies

curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 12:50

Last night I came back from a friend with the kids. Went there to so my 2 kids could play with other kids and just do something for them..
For the past last week we have organised to take all the kids and some other friends of my friends to drive to Great Yarmouth. Today were the day we were suppose to go. I have told my kids father about this in got time by the way. so no excuses...

When I came home last night in time with the only car in the household so he could go to work is attitude was off.. He didn't say nothing to me.. just spoke with kids and asked them if the played and had fun.. they said YES OF COURSE!

I asked him if he still was good for the trip in the morning..
HES STARTED TO SHOUT AND WAS RUDE TELL ME OFF. LIKE WHY DID I TAKE THE CAR AND DROVE TO MY FRIEND. LIKE ME HAVING THE CAR HAS NEVER BEEN AN ISSUE..HE STARTED TO SAY ALL KIND OF THINGS THAT THE CAR IS HIS AND STARTED TO TALK ABOUT THAT I WILL NEVER DRIVE THE CAR AGAIN.. SO BASICALLY HE SAID NO TO THE BEACH TRIP TO GREAT YARMOUTH..

HE LEFT FOR WORK AND I SAT IN MY KITCHEN STARTED TO PACKING HIS STUFF.. MY SON WENT TO BED DISAPPOINTED. SAID TO ME , MUM IS NOT JUST DADS CAR IS ALL OF US CAR.. THAT BROKE ME..
I JUST THOUGHT TO MYSELF LOOK AT THIS PERSON BREAKING HIS TWO KIDS HEART TO SPIT ME TO TAKE THEM SOMEWHERE THAT I ORGANISED SO THEY CAN DO SOMETHING DUIRNG HOLIDAY..
I TOLD HIM IF THAT IS YOUR CAR TAKE IT AND TAKE YOUR BELONGINGS WITH YOU.. I RANG HIM BY THE WAY WHILST HE WAS AT WORK DURING THE NIGHT.. HE HANG UP THE PHONE ON ME..

I RANG MY FRIEND TO TELL HER WHAT HAD HAPPENED SHE WAS GUTTED FOR ME AND SPECIALLY FOR THE KIDS.. NOW THEY HAVE LOST OUT ON A GREAT EXPERIENCE BECAUSE THE FATHER TO MY KIDS IS CHILDISH AND PETTY..

AFTER I PACKED HIS BELONGINGS AND HE CAME HOME THIS MORNING HE CAME HOME AND SAW EVERYTHING OUTSIDE HE CAME IN TO SAY THAT I NEED TO BRING HIS STUFF BACK INSIDE BEFORE HE GETS REALLY MAD.. I SAID NO IS NOTHING HERE FOR YOU ANYMORE.. HE HUFFED AND PUFFED WOKE THE KIDS UP AT 6AM TELLING THEM TO GET READY. HE BACKED THEIR SWIMMING GEAR AND FEW TOWLS AND TOLD THE KIDS TO WAKE ME UP.. I DONT KNOW WHY BECAUSE HIS ELDEST SONE WHO IS NEARLY 6 HEARD EVERYTHING HE SAID.. ANY WAYS LONG STORY SHORT.. HE ENDEND TELLING OUR SON LOOK AT YOUR MUM SHE HAS LET YOU DOWN BECAUSE SHE DONT WANT TO COME TO THE BEACH.. I MEAN WTF IS THIS GUY FOR REAL???

I EXPLined to my son the best way I could and then he took the kids clothes of because is not me who let them down is HIM.....I AM SICK OF THE BAD SICKENING POISONOUS HE IS AND I WANT HIM OUT.. I ASKED him why IS HE still in the house, he looked at me and said nothing... the kids ended go to sleep. for a bit and he his a sleep on the sofa.. I DONT WANT THIS GUY IN MY HOUSE NO MORE.. I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO????? HE DONT WANT TO DO NOTHING WITH THEM OR SPEND TIME WITH THEM. I AM TIERD OF HIM BEING HERE AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME... I WANT HIM OUT!!!! I WAS HAPPY TAKING MY KIDS ON MY OWN.. BUT I FELT HIS PETTYINESS HE DONT WANT ME TO DO NOTHING LIKE I NEED A PERMISSION TO TAKE MY KIDS. SO THERE FOR HE IS GOING LIKE THIS OVER A DAME CAR... THATS TOTALLY TOLD ME EVERYTHING I KNEW ALREADY....

PLEASE HELP...

OP posts:
CornishTiger · 23/07/2022 13:47

You can do a lock change. Easy enough on you tube.

Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 13:52

Crunchygrass · 23/07/2022 13:39

Ah makes sense apologies @curlygirl84

CAN YOU CALL ANYONE WHO CAN HELP GET HIM OUT?
PERHAPS THE POLICE CAN ADVISE YOU?
DO YOU HAVE MALE RELATIVES WHO COULD COME AROUND FOR BACK UP?

Show quote history

NO I CANT CALL NO.. MY ONLY GOOD FRIEND HAS LEFT TO GREAT YARMOUTH THIS MORNING THE TRIP I WAS MEANT TO GO ON AND TAKE MY KIDS WITH ME.. NO RELATIVES NO ONE.JUST ME AND GOD..

OP posts:
Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 13:57

Cambsm · 23/07/2022 13:44

Can you ask your friend to come and get the children and then tell him again (and email and text it to him) that you wish for him to leave your house. That if he hasn’t left by xyz time you will have to call the police.

MY FRIEND HAS GONE AWAY THIS MORNING.. I DONT HAVE NO ONE...HE IS SLEEPING ON THE SOFA LIKE NOTHING HAS HAPPENED THE KIDS ARE HERE DOING ALL SORTS BORED OUT OF THERE HEAD,,,, IF HE DONT WANT TO BE GOOD ROLE MODEL TO HIS KIDS WHY IS HE BEING PITTY?

OP posts:
Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 13:58

CornishTiger · 23/07/2022 13:47

You can do a lock change. Easy enough on you tube.

its a flat I am living in. I have to pay for the lock change..

OP posts:
PeekabooAtTheZoo · 23/07/2022 14:08

For god’s sake people, it’s bloody obvious she’s using speech to text for her visual impairment. Lot of ablism on this thread.

OP call the police and tell them you are disabled and your controlling partner won’t leave. What he’s doing is coercive control I think. If you can’t get anywhere with the police, call Women’s Aid.

samamaria · 23/07/2022 14:15

Go to b and q with pictures and measurements of your locks and ask someone to help you get the best fit , if it's wrong just take it back and watch a video on you tube along with instructions how to do it !

Bollindger · 23/07/2022 14:20

Take his keys, take your key off it, he won't notice, if you think he will add an old one instead.
Maybe fill his boot with all his stuff.
Call the non emergency number and tell them he is shouting at you and your frightened, ask them to record that you have chucked him out.
Sounds like your life will improve very fast once he is gone.

HotSauceCommittee · 23/07/2022 14:25

The police would get him out calmly if he behaved calmly. If you phoned 101 and explained your predicament, they could assign you a phone call to discuss with the officers first.

C8H10N4O2 · 23/07/2022 14:38

over50andfab · 23/07/2022 13:25

Some people have sight impairment where they might have to type in capitals. If so it would help if the OP were to clarify this.

Show quote history

Really which one? Clear fonts, large fonts, adjustable contrast and font size - yes. However all caps creates the same cognitive load for all readers and every accessibility standard I've seen explicitly says to avoid block caps.

I'm a speech to text user by the way.

Beautiful3 · 23/07/2022 14:39

Was he going to work or on this trip with you? If he was going to work how was he going to do that without his car?

annonymousse · 23/07/2022 14:41

Visually impaired but able to drive?

daisybrown37 · 23/07/2022 14:42

Can visually impaired drive then - as she drove to her friends?

Beautiful3 · 23/07/2022 14:44

Do you think he was mad because you brought the car back so late that day, he thought he'd be late for work? Perhaps he saying don't use the car, when I have work?

StepAwayFromGoogling · 23/07/2022 14:44

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 23/07/2022 14:08

For god’s sake people, it’s bloody obvious she’s using speech to text for her visual impairment. Lot of ablism on this thread.

OP call the police and tell them you are disabled and your controlling partner won’t leave. What he’s doing is coercive control I think. If you can’t get anywhere with the police, call Women’s Aid.

It's actually really not obvious, because half of the OP is lower case and half is caps.

I appreciate that this is a shit situation, OP, but both of you need to ensure that this doesn't carry on playing out in front of your kids.

You can get rid of him given the tenancy is in your name but you may need to call the police at some point - when the children are either asleep or not there - to get him out if he won't leave.

Beautiful3 · 23/07/2022 14:44

Also, how were you using the car, if you're visually impaired?

gamerchick · 23/07/2022 14:57

My friend types in block caps because of her vision but she definitely can't drive a car because of it.

OP this needs to stop happening in front of the kids. If it's your house then put his stuff out and change the locks while he's at work. If he makes a fuss ring the police to have him removed.

Please send the kids somewhere safe first though so they don't have to witness all of this, it makes bairns anxious.

Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 14:58

Beautiful3 · 23/07/2022 14:39

Was he going to work or on this trip with you? If he was going to work how was he going to do that without his car?

He went to work in the night and he came home back early morning

OP posts:
Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 15:00

gamerchick · 23/07/2022 14:57

My friend types in block caps because of her vision but she definitely can't drive a car because of it.

OP this needs to stop happening in front of the kids. If it's your house then put his stuff out and change the locks while he's at work. If he makes a fuss ring the police to have him removed.

Please send the kids somewhere safe first though so they don't have to witness all of this, it makes bairns anxious.

I have mild impaired vision which I can drive whilst using my glasses for driving

OP posts:
Talkaholic · 23/07/2022 15:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 15:02

Beautiful3 · 23/07/2022 14:44

Do you think he was mad because you brought the car back so late that day, he thought he'd be late for work? Perhaps he saying don't use the car, when I have work?

No is not that.. I brought back the car before he start work. I think he is mad petty and controlling

OP posts:
Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I wish it was that simple. I don’t know my neighbours.. and for family no one is there…thanks for the support

OP posts:
Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 15:05

Beautiful3 · 23/07/2022 14:44

Also, how were you using the car, if you're visually impaired?

I am not severe impaired I use driving classes for driving is mild in my case which I have got clearance for driving.

OP posts:
Talkaholic · 23/07/2022 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 15:08

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 23/07/2022 14:08

For god’s sake people, it’s bloody obvious she’s using speech to text for her visual impairment. Lot of ablism on this thread.

OP call the police and tell them you are disabled and your controlling partner won’t leave. What he’s doing is coercive control I think. If you can’t get anywhere with the police, call Women’s Aid.

Thank you..

OP posts:
Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 15:08

Bollindger · 23/07/2022 14:20

Take his keys, take your key off it, he won't notice, if you think he will add an old one instead.
Maybe fill his boot with all his stuff.
Call the non emergency number and tell them he is shouting at you and your frightened, ask them to record that you have chucked him out.
Sounds like your life will improve very fast once he is gone.

He has the keys on him..

OP posts:
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