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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help! HE WONT LEAVE....

114 replies

curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 12:50

Last night I came back from a friend with the kids. Went there to so my 2 kids could play with other kids and just do something for them..
For the past last week we have organised to take all the kids and some other friends of my friends to drive to Great Yarmouth. Today were the day we were suppose to go. I have told my kids father about this in got time by the way. so no excuses...

When I came home last night in time with the only car in the household so he could go to work is attitude was off.. He didn't say nothing to me.. just spoke with kids and asked them if the played and had fun.. they said YES OF COURSE!

I asked him if he still was good for the trip in the morning..
HES STARTED TO SHOUT AND WAS RUDE TELL ME OFF. LIKE WHY DID I TAKE THE CAR AND DROVE TO MY FRIEND. LIKE ME HAVING THE CAR HAS NEVER BEEN AN ISSUE..HE STARTED TO SAY ALL KIND OF THINGS THAT THE CAR IS HIS AND STARTED TO TALK ABOUT THAT I WILL NEVER DRIVE THE CAR AGAIN.. SO BASICALLY HE SAID NO TO THE BEACH TRIP TO GREAT YARMOUTH..

HE LEFT FOR WORK AND I SAT IN MY KITCHEN STARTED TO PACKING HIS STUFF.. MY SON WENT TO BED DISAPPOINTED. SAID TO ME , MUM IS NOT JUST DADS CAR IS ALL OF US CAR.. THAT BROKE ME..
I JUST THOUGHT TO MYSELF LOOK AT THIS PERSON BREAKING HIS TWO KIDS HEART TO SPIT ME TO TAKE THEM SOMEWHERE THAT I ORGANISED SO THEY CAN DO SOMETHING DUIRNG HOLIDAY..
I TOLD HIM IF THAT IS YOUR CAR TAKE IT AND TAKE YOUR BELONGINGS WITH YOU.. I RANG HIM BY THE WAY WHILST HE WAS AT WORK DURING THE NIGHT.. HE HANG UP THE PHONE ON ME..

I RANG MY FRIEND TO TELL HER WHAT HAD HAPPENED SHE WAS GUTTED FOR ME AND SPECIALLY FOR THE KIDS.. NOW THEY HAVE LOST OUT ON A GREAT EXPERIENCE BECAUSE THE FATHER TO MY KIDS IS CHILDISH AND PETTY..

AFTER I PACKED HIS BELONGINGS AND HE CAME HOME THIS MORNING HE CAME HOME AND SAW EVERYTHING OUTSIDE HE CAME IN TO SAY THAT I NEED TO BRING HIS STUFF BACK INSIDE BEFORE HE GETS REALLY MAD.. I SAID NO IS NOTHING HERE FOR YOU ANYMORE.. HE HUFFED AND PUFFED WOKE THE KIDS UP AT 6AM TELLING THEM TO GET READY. HE BACKED THEIR SWIMMING GEAR AND FEW TOWLS AND TOLD THE KIDS TO WAKE ME UP.. I DONT KNOW WHY BECAUSE HIS ELDEST SONE WHO IS NEARLY 6 HEARD EVERYTHING HE SAID.. ANY WAYS LONG STORY SHORT.. HE ENDEND TELLING OUR SON LOOK AT YOUR MUM SHE HAS LET YOU DOWN BECAUSE SHE DONT WANT TO COME TO THE BEACH.. I MEAN WTF IS THIS GUY FOR REAL???

I EXPLined to my son the best way I could and then he took the kids clothes of because is not me who let them down is HIM.....I AM SICK OF THE BAD SICKENING POISONOUS HE IS AND I WANT HIM OUT.. I ASKED him why IS HE still in the house, he looked at me and said nothing... the kids ended go to sleep. for a bit and he his a sleep on the sofa.. I DONT WANT THIS GUY IN MY HOUSE NO MORE.. I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO????? HE DONT WANT TO DO NOTHING WITH THEM OR SPEND TIME WITH THEM. I AM TIERD OF HIM BEING HERE AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME... I WANT HIM OUT!!!! I WAS HAPPY TAKING MY KIDS ON MY OWN.. BUT I FELT HIS PETTYINESS HE DONT WANT ME TO DO NOTHING LIKE I NEED A PERMISSION TO TAKE MY KIDS. SO THERE FOR HE IS GOING LIKE THIS OVER A DAME CAR... THATS TOTALLY TOLD ME EVERYTHING I KNEW ALREADY....

PLEASE HELP...

OP posts:
berrieslovely · 23/07/2022 15:10

I wear glasses to drive but I don’t consider myself visually impaired, should I?!

Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 15:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I live in a flat I am limited of space as the door is almost next to the door..so the eldest can hear everything. I will call them still, if they decide to come later in the evening when the kids gone bed he might gone out to see god knows who…

thanks for your support I appreciate xx

OP posts:
Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 15:14

berrieslovely · 23/07/2022 15:10

I wear glasses to drive but I don’t consider myself visually impaired, should I?!

I have a condition. But you won’t know anything about that so please if you don’t have anything good thing to say don’t say nothing at all please..thanks

OP posts:
StepAwayFromGoogling · 23/07/2022 15:17

curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 15:12

I live in a flat I am limited of space as the door is almost next to the door..so the eldest can hear everything. I will call them still, if they decide to come later in the evening when the kids gone bed he might gone out to see god knows who…

thanks for your support I appreciate xx

Show quote history

Please make it clear to the police that they cannot come when your children are awake. You can't just take a 'let's see what happens approach'. Can you imagine how distressing it will be for them to watch your husband being carted off by the police?

lalalazoom · 23/07/2022 15:19

Firstly, well done for taking action.

He probably didn't expect this and is hoping you will get past this - he won't change though and will likely get worse!

Call the non-emergency help line and explain to them the situation and that he's been threatening and they should help get him out.

He has zero rights to be there! Stay strong!

Travis1 · 23/07/2022 15:21

Petrolordiesel · 23/07/2022 13:12

Has he also taken the only keyboard without CAPs? Make him give it back.

Wow how fucking cunty can you be?!

Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 15:46

StepAwayFromGoogling · 23/07/2022 15:17

Please make it clear to the police that they cannot come when your children are awake. You can't just take a 'let's see what happens approach'. Can you imagine how distressing it will be for them to watch your husband being carted off by the police?

Show quote history

I have been trying to call 101 but they take so long to answer. I only have the house line to use.. and right now I was on the phone to the police for 20 min he just woken up.. I dont want him to hear me talk,. this is getting exhausted honestly...
by the way he is NOT my husband,,, just partner.

thats what I am trying to avoid..smh

OP posts:
AMindNeedsBooks · 23/07/2022 15:47

With regards to the police, surely you won't have to be present? If they can let you know when they are on their way you could take the children to the park or something?

Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 15:48

lalalazoom · 23/07/2022 15:19

Firstly, well done for taking action.

He probably didn't expect this and is hoping you will get past this - he won't change though and will likely get worse!

Call the non-emergency help line and explain to them the situation and that he's been threatening and they should help get him out.

He has zero rights to be there! Stay strong!

Thank you so much for you support...

I dont know long I can keep going on like this...I feel like a prisoner I swear....

OP posts:
Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 15:50

AMindNeedsBooks · 23/07/2022 15:47

With regards to the police, surely you won't have to be present? If they can let you know when they are on their way you could take the children to the park or something?

I am not sure how all this works... bedside I dont have a phone of my own..after the kids broke mine...I have not had the funds to buy one..He clearly have been fine by me being isolated..so I am using the house line to get by...and call the police..

OP posts:
Bollindger · 23/07/2022 16:00

Screwfix do the key locks for about £6, can you maybe ask a neighbour to help, or ask on Facebook, in your area groups, someone will help,

Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 16:06

Bollindger · 23/07/2022 16:00

Screwfix do the key locks for about £6, can you maybe ask a neighbour to help, or ask on Facebook, in your area groups, someone will help,

I appreciate your support.. I don't talk to my neighbours. I don't have no social media..

OP posts:
AMindNeedsBooks · 23/07/2022 16:14

curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 16:06

I appreciate your support.. I don't talk to my neighbours. I don't have no social media..

Show quote history

Do you have an Argos near you? You can get a pay as you go phone for as little as £11. I am more than happy to order/pay for collection at your local Argos and send you the confirmation number.

Every adult should have their own personal phone. This is sounding worse and worse. It will be difficult if you only have access to the house phone.

Please PM me.

BMW6 · 23/07/2022 16:15

Why not leave your children with him and drive to your nearest Police station?

Talkaholic · 23/07/2022 16:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CallOnMe · 23/07/2022 16:30

Your poor kids!!

You both sound as bad as each other and I’m concerned that this arguing and threatening to kick him out is a regular occurrence.

I think you having an argument about the car and then you immediately packing his bags was a bit dramatic when it could have been done in a way that would affect your children less.

If he leaves are you going to be happy or are you going to be arguing because he’s left?

I know volatile relationships like this and it’s all drama but nothing ever changes.

Is your friend getting home from Great Yarmouth today?
Can you ask her if she can have your DCs stay there whilst you and DH talk or can you meet DH somewhere away from them.

Unless he is violent then kicking your kids dad out on the same day with nowhere to go is unfair on them.

Can you talk to him and say you want him to move out by X date so he has a couple days to sort himself out and to show the kids that you are both grown ups.

Obviously if he becomes aggressive or refuses to leave then you’ll need to call the police etc and have him removed but right now there is way too much drama and your DCs need to be put first.

Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 16:54

CallOnMe · 23/07/2022 16:30

Your poor kids!!

You both sound as bad as each other and I’m concerned that this arguing and threatening to kick him out is a regular occurrence.

I think you having an argument about the car and then you immediately packing his bags was a bit dramatic when it could have been done in a way that would affect your children less.

If he leaves are you going to be happy or are you going to be arguing because he’s left?

I know volatile relationships like this and it’s all drama but nothing ever changes.

Is your friend getting home from Great Yarmouth today?
Can you ask her if she can have your DCs stay there whilst you and DH talk or can you meet DH somewhere away from them.

Unless he is violent then kicking your kids dad out on the same day with nowhere to go is unfair on them.

Can you talk to him and say you want him to move out by X date so he has a couple days to sort himself out and to show the kids that you are both grown ups.

Obviously if he becomes aggressive or refuses to leave then you’ll need to call the police etc and have him removed but right now there is way too much drama and your DCs need to be put first.

I feel for my kids I do. This is not some regular occurance he just cant take the fact the relationship has been over for a looong time. And last night with his petty as just showed me I have accepted that it is over between us and calmly I bagged his bags..

The thing is he dont think I am serious so he is using the kids as a shield....His mind is dangerous I don't want to be taken for an advantage and be controlling any more....

He dont want to leave I have been talking to him I even wrote him letter last week saying that I cant be with some like him and I am happy for him to leave and find somewhere. This man dont listen and when you dont listen and trying to hurt be or break me so that the kids can see and he says looks kids your mum is this and that.. I cant do it no more... why he just cant take his belongs and leave me and my kids to live happy life I dont understand....

OP posts:
noirchatsdeux · 23/07/2022 16:57

You've written off any option previous posters have given, so if you are serious about putting your children first, you are going to have to ring the Police and get him removed whether they are present or not.

CallOnMe · 23/07/2022 16:58

Do the kids have a good relationship with him?

If so and he refuses to leave then it might be best for you to leave else he’s never going to take you seriously.

Do you work?

bg21 · 23/07/2022 17:01

you both sound batshit and immature tbh poor kids

Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 17:01

noirchatsdeux · 23/07/2022 16:57

You've written off any option previous posters have given, so if you are serious about putting your children first, you are going to have to ring the Police and get him removed whether they are present or not.

I am not written any option off I am going to do it...thank you very much for your advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 17:02

CallOnMe · 23/07/2022 16:58

Do the kids have a good relationship with him?

If so and he refuses to leave then it might be best for you to leave else he’s never going to take you seriously.

Do you work?

yes do they love him..

OP posts:
CallOnMe · 23/07/2022 17:03

You have started several threads about him and it seems you argue a lot which is not fair on the kids.

Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 17:06

CallOnMe · 23/07/2022 16:58

Do the kids have a good relationship with him?

If so and he refuses to leave then it might be best for you to leave else he’s never going to take you seriously.

Do you work?

why am I the one that needs to leave? the tenancy agreement is in my name I have been calm this hole time.. he needs to leave..

no I dont work

OP posts:
Original poster
curlygirl84 · 23/07/2022 17:07

CallOnMe · 23/07/2022 17:03

You have started several threads about him and it seems you argue a lot which is not fair on the kids.

I know is not fair on the kids. he just keeps on shouting and trying to pick a fight with me... I am trying to tell him not shout infront of them.. he wont listen smh

OP posts:
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