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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Answers I’ll never get, or will I?

113 replies

Whatonearth2022 · 22/07/2022 20:02

This is a fairly long scenario.
I don’t want to be thrown into the bus for it.
id like some honest opinions.

in February I started a programme at a small local gym.
never had more than a few people in these sessions.
sometimes just me.

the owner/PT and I clicked.
a few weeks went by and then bam, I realised we were now flirting.

He unfortunately for me, is married with kids.
I have a partner with kids.

it took me a good few more weeks to even accept that this guy was even into me. He was omg hot. In my eyes. I would never believe someone that like would like someone like me.

now I’ve been around - I know when someone is taking the piss or just wants a bit on a the side, I was once that person…

this was completely different.

It was intuitive.
id get butterflies to the point of distraction.
he treated me differently.
he confided in me.
we laughed.
we cried.
we just clicked.

one day he took it too far in front of people whom had been training with him for some years.
(just said a compliment to me).

he would turn up on his days off.
he accepted my Snapchat request.
we never messaged each other sexually or of the like.
just a couple of funny memes and he would watch my location and stories all the time - I’m quite ‘out there’.

the next day (after taking it too far) he started referring to me as ‘mate’.
it was odd. He was acting weirdly.
I felt it inside me. It hurt. Despite not actually starting anything between us.

maybe he had a realisation who knows….

so i decided to message and ask how we felt.
completely innocent, knowing both of our situations.

I even googled what a soul mate was as it felt that strong. I had never believed in that stuff until then.

I got a complete denial response back. Denies it all.
opened my heart, I was rejected and hurt and said some of the wrong things but that was end of April…

I was asked never to return to the gym. Which broke me. I was doing so well.

I understood it all at the time… but it never sounded like him on the messages.

I later discovered I was basically messaging his wife 😳
she controlled EVERYTHING.
his WhatsApp. iMessages. PERSONAL Fb. Insta. Tiktok. Emails. Literally his whole life. Everytime he took a pic it was uploaded to the cloud.

he is one trapped MF.

maybe he’s done it before? Who knows but I learnt the hard way.

another month passed and to this day I’ve never seen or contacted him.
I tried but the wife blocked me on everything - fair enough.

oddly he still follows my business pages so maybe he does still watch my stuff but I can’t tell.

I decided I had to confront the situation as this many months on it’s still in my heart hurting.
although I’ve accepted he may be my forever love I can never have it still needed to be resolved.

I contacted the wife.
i apologised.
I made out he was totally innocent and did nothing wrong and made myself appear the bad person. Explained I had some sort of breakdown or something.

she seems ok now.

I’ve asked to return to workout.

she’s painted it as though HE was angry and upset and never wanted me to return but I guess unless o see him, I’ll never know the real truth.

his business is round the corner from mine and I’ve thought about going there but everytime I walk past I feel physically sick.

I’m currently awaiting a response to my last msg as she’s currently seeing if I can return in September.

it appears hopeful but I’m scared.

I know that we can never be together but I just need closure and this is the only way I know how.

has anyone felt this way before. Drawn to someone. Knowing he’s the love of you life.

I could wake up next to him and be happy forever and ever. Despite his flaws.

it makes me sad that he may feel trapped but nothing I can do.

OP posts:
DavesSpareDeckChair · 24/07/2022 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Watchkeys · 24/07/2022 10:20

Scorpio8 · 23/07/2022 17:31

@Watchkeys

This man and his wife definitely got issues. He would of shut it down if he didn't like just his wife found out by someone he getting go close to the OP.

The wife sounds a bit crazy to pretend to be husband.
Something definitely not adding up.

We all know OP wrong but these people are twisted. How many women he got close and maybe blamed her and set his dog on her.

There's affairs we read about all the time on her but nothing like this.

Because I been in similar situation and the wife sounds crazy. You would of called the other woman on the phone not pretend to be him. Why take over his social media. She doesn't trust him the poor woman.
There married was a car crash waiting to happen. The man sound like he cheats all the time with women in the gym. It blow over and he onto the next one lol.

OP needs to come clean to her husband and run from these twisted people. He probably lied to save his backside and dropped her in it.

You simply cannot surmise all this from what OP has told us.

CPL593H · 24/07/2022 10:50

Scorpio8 · 24/07/2022 07:05

It sounds like this woman is weak. Probably struggled with her weight and don't think she needs everyone to be nasty. She might seem obsessed but don't doubt this guy led her on and maybe she got the wrong idea or he was flirting and maybe he did like her.
You all blaming her as woman already vulnerable already by sounds of it. I believe this guy did encourage her instead of shutting it. None of you can't say they didn't cry together but he may of been comforting her and he may have told her his problems too. He did compliment her she said it front of everyone maybe again to make her feel better but she taken it wrong. He could have been after her too.
We just don't know and never will think you all being so harsh.
Men are men at the end of the day. I am basing my response off her other thread too.
Just maybe he confided in his wife. But at same time believe something did go on. You can't dismiss that because she seems like needy.

I'm getting quite a different impression. My guess ( I accept it is a guess) would be that the trainer has told his wife about the OP and handed all comms over to her to handle, for his own safety. OP says herself that he has made no attempt to contact her since returning her training fee months ago. Knowing that she is inflating what was at the very most a mild flirtation (by her own description) into a "love of her life" total fantasy does not inspire me to think she has an accurate handle on all this.

@Whatonearth2022 please seek some help, because this level of obsession is very, very unhealthy and I don't think at the moment you are seeing or thinking straight.

Scorpio8 · 24/07/2022 10:56

@Watchkeys

I wrote an update to this after reading her other thread.

I still don't think this man entirely innocent because of the way they both got very close. But she could of took it wrong..she does have partner but she said they were looking for a way of separating. So I am 50/50.
She just needs to leave him a lone.

I think she genuinely caught feeling but she should go to another. Nothing worth the headache.

But there are men who are nasty through the blame onto the woman and happy for the wife to find out so they deal with it. Some are sick and take advantage of genuinely nice women who probably in a bad place in their lives.

Funny how she got everyones attention and talking about it. Hasn't come back for update. Wait another couple months she be back.

Scorpio8 · 24/07/2022 10:58

@Watchkeys

*Gym

Scorpio8 · 24/07/2022 11:03

@CPL593H

I actually think it could be that too. But he unintentionally led her on not knowing her feelings.

I can't rule out that the guy innocent as we just will never know.

I just hope she walks away from this goes different gym.

OldFan · 25/07/2022 00:39

@Whatonearth2022 I've been a bit like that about an ex in recent months.

I saw an interesting video last night. They talked about breaking 'soul ties' which sounds fluffy but I did it this afternoon and feel better for it.

They said to pray to God and say something like 'Lord, I ask you to break any soul tie between me and X. I forgive him. I know that you love him more than I ever did or could and so I give him back to you. Amen.'

MakeMineAdoubleChocolate · 25/07/2022 07:03

Is scorpio8 the op?????

ShrillSiren22 · 25/07/2022 07:38

@MakeMineAdoubleChocolate I wondered that

Heatstrokeunsteady · 25/07/2022 08:27

I am sorry for what I am about to say. Personal Trainers are notorious for this. So many people are flirted with by their PTs. So many people end up in sexual relationships with their PTs. The whole thing about his wife controlling everything is weird. If I were you, I wouldn’t go back to a situation that had caused me so much pain. There are other gyms and other pts. What if he does this to many of his female clients. How would you feel then?

Scorpio8 · 25/07/2022 20:36

@MakeMineAdoubleChocolate

Definitely not the OP

Heatstrokeunsteady · 25/07/2022 20:44

He’s a pt- few clothes, lots of muscles and exercise- lots of people fall for them and lots of pt’s respond. Some pt’s flirt to get custom so it might very well be both of them. I am a gym bunny and I’ve heard lots of things that go on.

Catlover1970 · 25/07/2022 22:34

Whatonearth2022 · 22/07/2022 20:10

Why ?

You have psychological issues that you need professional help for. I’m saying this in the kindest way x

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