Answers I’ll never get, or will I?

[Whatonearth2022]

This is a fairly long scenario.
I don’t want to be thrown into the bus for it.
id like some honest opinions.

in February I started a programme at a small local gym.
never had more than a few people in these sessions.
sometimes just me.

the owner/PT and I clicked.
a few weeks went by and then bam, I realised we were now flirting.

He unfortunately for me, is married with kids.
I have a partner with kids.

it took me a good few more weeks to even accept that this guy was even into me. He was omg hot. In my eyes. I would never believe someone that like would like someone like me.

now I’ve been around - I know when someone is taking the piss or just wants a bit on a the side, I was once that person…

this was completely different.

It was intuitive.
id get butterflies to the point of distraction.
he treated me differently.
he confided in me.
we laughed.
we cried.
we just clicked.

one day he took it too far in front of people whom had been training with him for some years.
(just said a compliment to me).

he would turn up on his days off.
he accepted my Snapchat request.
we never messaged each other sexually or of the like.
just a couple of funny memes and he would watch my location and stories all the time - I’m quite ‘out there’.

the next day (after taking it too far) he started referring to me as ‘mate’.
it was odd. He was acting weirdly.
I felt it inside me. It hurt. Despite not actually starting anything between us.

maybe he had a realisation who knows….

so i decided to message and ask how we felt.
completely innocent, knowing both of our situations.

I even googled what a soul mate was as it felt that strong. I had never believed in that stuff until then.

I got a complete denial response back. Denies it all.
opened my heart, I was rejected and hurt and said some of the wrong things but that was end of April…

I was asked never to return to the gym. Which broke me. I was doing so well.

I understood it all at the time… but it never sounded like him on the messages.

I later discovered I was basically messaging his wife 😳
she controlled EVERYTHING.
his WhatsApp. iMessages. PERSONAL Fb. Insta. Tiktok. Emails. Literally his whole life. Everytime he took a pic it was uploaded to the cloud.

he is one trapped MF.

maybe he’s done it before? Who knows but I learnt the hard way.

another month passed and to this day I’ve never seen or contacted him.
I tried but the wife blocked me on everything - fair enough.

oddly he still follows my business pages so maybe he does still watch my stuff but I can’t tell.

I decided I had to confront the situation as this many months on it’s still in my heart hurting.
although I’ve accepted he may be my forever love I can never have it still needed to be resolved.

I contacted the wife.
i apologised.
I made out he was totally innocent and did nothing wrong and made myself appear the bad person. Explained I had some sort of breakdown or something.

she seems ok now.

I’ve asked to return to workout.

she’s painted it as though HE was angry and upset and never wanted me to return but I guess unless o see him, I’ll never know the real truth.

his business is round the corner from mine and I’ve thought about going there but everytime I walk past I feel physically sick.

I’m currently awaiting a response to my last msg as she’s currently seeing if I can return in September.

it appears hopeful but I’m scared.

I know that we can never be together but I just need closure and this is the only way I know how.

has anyone felt this way before. Drawn to someone. Knowing he’s the love of you life.

I could wake up next to him and be happy forever and ever. Despite his flaws.

it makes me sad that he may feel trapped but nothing I can do.

I think even my friends and I at 13 would have told each other that this was delusional nonsense.

Even then we’d have been able to recognise that Katie’s crush on the guy who works on the till in the newsagents was not Romeo and Juliet because he smiled at her and once gave her back her PE kit when she left the bag in the shop.

@CharlieAndTooManyCharacters 🤣🤣🤣

We all make mistakes but just back off now. Find a new gym. You're making a holy show of yourself, texting the man like that then claiming to be mad. He may have fancied you a bit, but realised that he needed to choose his marriage and reel it in and did so. He made this clear, calling you mate etc, expecting that you would feel the same, having a partner and kids. You should have taken the hint. Doesn't sound like he ever promised you anything.

You have you answer really- he is clearly a flirt and his wife knows it- he probably complimemts many women hence her anger.

forget it all - find a new gym and put your romantic energies into your partner at home.

I could wake up next to him and be happy forever and ever. Despite his flaws.

Come on now, you don't know him! You fancy him and you have created the rest in your head,

You don't know if he sits in the middle lane on motorways or stands in front of the fridge browsing for five minutes every morning.

You don't know if he would be a good stepdad to your children either.

Waiting around for a man you fancies wife to decide if you can work at her gym in madness.

You've burnt your bridges with that place of employment. Which can happen if you make the decision to behave in an unprofessional way at work.

I am actually cringing for you op.

You need therapy or something.

You know nothing about this man. Nothing.

Seriously go and seek out help to deal with your unhealthy crush. You sound like a stalker.

Don't go back to the gym and block him on everything. That's the only way to get over this. Seeing him at the gym is only going to fuel this madness, and it is madness. I know, I've been there.

Do you want to continue in your relationship or is this a sign that you're not happy? Focus on that and forget this man.

Oh no. If you think you’re going to get anything good out of going to that gym you’re going to be sorely mistaken. At best you’re going to get a lot of funny looks. This has to stop

Oh dear. I didn’t even notice the utter ridiculousness that it wasn’t the OP fancying her PT and making an arse of herself.

No. She was working for these people. Honestly, this is terrible. She’s actually risking her business with this. Other local gyms won’t want to employ/rent space to a Pilates teacher who stalks gym owners and harasses their wives.

I reckon there’s a good chance that his wife will tell your husband and where will that leave you?

Lots of men compliment women and vice versa in the workplace, which is where he is - his business. Do not go back there, block them both on social media and find another gym or another type of fitness regime.

if you’re getting so het up about a man being nice to you in the course of business, then you need to try and fix what is missing in your marriage. If you can’t or won’t do that, then you need to consider other options, which do not include chasing after men with partners like a 15 year old.

How did you find out his wife was typing his responses?
What was the complement he paid you?

Wait, what? Neither did I!

@Whatonearth2022

I would just walk away from this man totally.

Even if the man was into you most men really wouldn't drop you in it with their wife. Most hide it from them. It's like he totally set you up. She does sounds very controlling to have continued to message you pretending is a sick minded woman.
He obviously blamed told her you was after him.

But the sudden no contact from him even if he said my wife found out it needs to end..It doesn't even sound like you both were having a full blown affair. The fact he hasn't actually spoke to you.

I would definitely just no even think of him at all. I think he must of done this before and she must believe him whatever he says it's the woman and takes control of everything trying to protect her family. There will be another woman when the dust settles. She be caught in this madness too. It's dangerous because you can't control a man like that. Really be happy to walk away. I feel sorry for his wife but sticking with a man like he will never change.

It was just one of them things and concentrate on your own family. Maybe come clean to your partner. It sounds really dodgy.

He definitely can't breathe because he been caught again probably and had to be on his best behaviour. He will need to gain her trust back. They got their own messed they had problems before you came along. For him to obviously to have liked you. Men know when a woman fancies them too. He would of shut you down saying he married he loves his wife etc. He obviously doesn't he stuck.

But that's not your problem just walk away. It won't be easy but you have too.

He definitely can't breathe because he been caught again probably and had to be on his best behaviour

Pure conjecture. Nothing definite about it. What tosh.

I didn't read it like that, I read that she was in group PT sessions with him.

and gullible

I hope the OP comes back, I need some answers!

Block him on everything.
Find a different gym.
get counselling.

This reads like a teenage crush scenario.
You've built up a normal friendship into something it's patently not.

Concentrate on your own children and partner for your own good and stop trying to find ways to see this man. It'll end in tears otherwise (yours, not his.)

He isn't that into you.

PTs flirt to get you to keep paying them for sessions. You took it too far and made him uncomfortable. He isn't a prisoner, but that's easier for you to believe than that he doesn't want to be with you.

What happens about your own relationship here? Why are you still in your relationship if you feel this PT is your soulmate?

This isn’t love or having found your soulmate. It’s an obsession and a fantasy.

You need to move on. This man is married. He’s denied feeling anything, it doesn’t matter if that is or isn’t true, he’s shown his loyalty is, rightly, to his wife. It’s not your place to try and get between that. There’s also a high chance you were reading into things that weren’t there because you wanted them to be true. The worst thing you can do in this situation is go back to the gym. Leave this man and his wife alone.

Find a new gym. Delete and block both of their contacts from all of your social media including your business pages. Have some therapy. Work on moving on and forgetting this rather than trying to keep feeding the situation. Going back to the gym won’t give closure, you gave an unhealthy infatuation with this man and it’s not good for anybody in the situation. Have some respect for yourself if not for him and his wife and stay away.

This is either utter BS or you are unhinged. Either way, just stop.

Looking back yes, you’re right. It was just that a PP said she’d been unprofessional and I looked at the generally hard to read wording and thought: argh it’s worse!

It’s bad anyway though. Horribly embarrassing in every way.

@Watchkeys

Well if she taken over his social media he under her thumb. This whole marriage seems wrecked already. OP should walk talk to her partner she had a very lucky escape.
Most men wouldn't want their wives to find out he either playing like it's his wife to get rid of her or its his wife.
It seems like there was something going for OP to feel the way she felt.
There are men who actually take advantage of vulnerable women too. He could at any time shut the OP down anytime.
His wife watching his every move now she caught probably yet again.

Most affairs that men have they keep the woman hidden they don't drop her in it with the wife. This guy obviously did lead her on I believe the OP but she shouldn't continue waiting for closure.

This guy got himself in a huge mess with the wife. The marriage probably never been good. I hate men like that.

@Scorpio8

There's lots of different possible explanations from the one you're suggesting, and you can't judge that a marriage is over and that a guy is in a huge mess just because of OP's interpretation of the situation.

You should write for Eastenders. Your fabricated drama is way out there, and based on practically nothing.