Would you have a baby with a man who was shit with money...

[Mahanii]

..but that was the only negative point you had found so far? A man who was in debt and seemingly had no concrete plan of getting himself out of it? Who was self employed and didn't seem to know how to maximise his income? Whose dad still bought him food every few weeks? It's quite a big negative point I know.

No, he'd leave you with the debts and the baby. You are not compatible in anyway. How will he provide for his family when you're on maternity leave?

Put your future kid wellbeing over your desire for another baby. They deserve it.

No. Over time, resentment of the way he manages his finances would kill the relationship, so no point starting it.

I would remind myself that desire for another child is just hormones and I already have one child I need to devote my energies to.

And what happens if you are ill long term? Or, God forbid, have a child with additional needs? If you aren't around anymore? Would you leave a child in his sole care?

If you can't rely on your partner right at the start, don't go there.

Sorry, but this is extremely selfish. You're not thinking about what's best for this possible child at all. This mindset is just as irresponsible as he is.

It won't be separate and it will definitely effect you once you share a child. You will be expected to fund everything and work as well as parent and you will eventually grow resentful and tired. Take a look at some of the threads on here by women that are in similar situations.

If you are aware of his lack of financial sense and aren't pregnant yet then quit while you are ahead. Money troubles and newborn days/raising a child are really stressful without it being the 'fault' of a partner due to their inability to budget financially.

If you want another child use a sperm donor.

i was with a man who was crap with money. He lied about debt. We cleared it. He got into more. You will grow to resent him when you can’t do nice things because you are subbing his behaviour.

Oh right, just saw your last post. Crack on then, good luck with it all.

I did. It was a disaster.

Of course it's a terrible idea. But you are not going to listen to a word anyone here says to you. You're going to use this man to get the child you want. Not giving a fuck about how that will affect a future child, but who gives a fuck because you want what you want.

If you can't rely on the Dad to provide for the new baby, then it would be to the detriment of your existing child for you to then provide for both alone.

All very good points, thanks for the slap around the face.
Definitely my hormones talking.

U sound like u have made ur mind up anyways 😕

No. Not only will you be responsible for everything, you'll have to put up with hearing about every minor thing being a crisis, being tapped for a loan and him ducking out of anything that might show him up.

Another way to see it is that by having to sub him and be the sole provider for your new baby, your existing child will miss out too.

No way, and any fully functioning women should feel the same.

Unless he just hasn't met the right woman to sort him out 🙄

I refused to live with or marry DH until his debts were cleared and once we did live together, I managed all the money.

He was happy with that arrangement because he didn't want to get back in that state, I was happy to take it on because I'm a control freak he contributed more than his share of other domestic duties

I couldn't plan a future with someone who was self employed but couldn't feed himself and had no plans for his business to improve or grow. Reeks of man-child to me.

I did, and live to regret it.

No. Big no for me. He cant look after himself. You will only gonna take care the baby alone. Personally I wouldn’t choose him in a first place. Having good job and can provide for future family its one of the top priority for me. Its responsibility. Having baby is expensive and long term commitment. Please dont.

No. Even if you were willing to tie yourself to such a person, it would be irresponsible to subject a child to such a poor parent.

a sperm bank would be a better option.

Depends how bad, DH is a fritterer, when we got together he had a small amount of debt about 1k on a cc, but no savings, assets etc.
It's fine I deal with our finances and he doesn't challenge that, he's actually a lot better now than he was all those years ago. We have a system whereby we both get personal spends each month after everything else including savings is taken care of, he can fritter that to his heart's content. However he's never missed his bills or rent even when living alone, he can financially support himself and isn't expecting me to do so. We just save, plan and prioritise money much better with me in charge (this suits me). He's in charge of other things.

Someone in a lot of debt, someone who doesn't acknowledge that are bad with money, someone who gambles or is secretive about money, someone who can't support themselves let alone a child. No.

No obviously not. No no no

No. My DH is not good with money but when we met he was working his way out of it yet still it has been hard at times and I’ve had to take the lead on finances. If he’d been at the stage of not even trying to do anything then no way