My partner shows my son no warmth

[Whiteflowers1]

Hiya
Need some advice ref partners and kids that aren't theirs!

My partner is great when its me and him, very attentive, makes me laugh, we have lots to chat about etc.

I just can't get past how he treats my son who is 3. He's not horrible to him per se but he's... Indifferent? I don't expect him to be step dad, DS has his own dad who has him 50 50 so no issues there. Partner doesn't really engage with him unless DS speaks to him first. Audibly sighs if he does something "annoying" (as in usual toddler behaviour!).
He doesn't acknowledge him, when we're together us 3 he buries his head in his phone or seems uncomfortable. He doesn't even look DS way half the time or looks at him like an alien if he says something silly (he's 3!). He only ever speaks to him first if DS has a hold of something he shouldn't or is having a tantrum (very rarely), which narks me because I think you don't get to tell him off when you barely speak to him!
He has no kids of his own and keeps saying "oh my dad would have done this and that". He had a kids should be seen and not heard childhood with physical and emotional abuse.
Am I expecting too much for partner to show DS some warmth and kindness? I know some people just aren't good with kids but he just seems to fed up with him all the time.
There's always an atmosphere when the 3 of us are together and I have been thinking about ending the relationship because of it.

Goodbye, good riddance. Well done for throwing him back. Better luck next time.

Good for you OP! You and your wee one deserve better.

Well done. Someone who can’t be polite to a 3yr old will never be a good partner even if you didn’t have children. He is too much of a spoilt brat himself.

Glad you say it is over.
A friend of mine got together with a guy when she had a 3 yr old. She then got pregnant to this person and they got married,
New husband was disdainful and uncaring to her 3 yr old, who is now a teen with huge issues of abandonment.
My friend knows she has stuffed up big time and I feel so sorry for the teen who has never known a kind word from the stepfather

Well done on getting rid!

Sorry but you are just both incompatible as a relationship, you say you don't want him to play a step dad role, but what happens in couple years time when you want to move in together? He's not going to parent your child and just let it run wild, that's not going to happen and will break the relationship, he just wants you and not have to deal with your child unfortunately, if he had his own kids maybe it would be a bit different, he needs to find some one who has a child free lifestyle like he does so won't have to pretend to like someone else's kids, it's not going to go anywhere long term I can guarantee that

Dump him - and pronto. At least your ds wont remember him.

You're right

It ended yesterday

Good thing it's already over then mate.

You can always use the 'see all' for OP's posts so you don't miss relevant updates like that...

Oh decent blokes don't date women with children then spend time with those children if they don't like kids to the extent they treat you them with 'disdain' like OP describe. That's not normal at all.

OP I can say your child comes first, but you already know that, and the fact that your partners behavior towards your DS bothers you shows that you area a wonderful Mom who does indeed have her child's best interests at heart.

If your partner is acting this way now can you only imagine how he would be later as your ds grows and gets to those teen/ pre adult stages that parents themselves sometimes find difficult to deal with let alone someone so emotionally detached and gets annoyed at a toddler.

Your son is still very young, he needs a stable, loving environment with affectionate, understanding people around him. We mold our kids into what they will someday turn into. You do not want your ds to battle with showing affection or understanding to his own kids some day. Also you do not want ds to one day call you out for putting your partner first.

you’ve done the right thing ending relationship- there can be no future if he doesn’t like your child. He should like your child because he’s part of you. Even if you have not had much experience of engaging with a child (as some people don’t) you can still be kind and interested.