My partner got another woman pregnant

[LittleLady93]

So where do I begin, my partner and I have been together for almost 10 years however for the past year we have definitely had a fair share of ups and downs. While we was apart he met a woman from social media who happens to live in Ireland, after meeting up with her on two occasions things didn't really plan out. For the fact that I love him I've put aside that he started seeing another woman but now she is pregnant!!! I myself have suffered with fertility problems and after 10 years unfortunately I have never fallen pregnant and knowing he has got another woman pregnant it absolutely rips my heart apart💔
He still continues to tell me he loves me and wants to try and work through things but now I know the truth I'm unsure as to wether or not I will be able to accept him back in to my life dispute how much I love him.
I Feel completely lost and was wondered if anyone else has gone through anything similar and has any advice 🥺

I’ve been with cheaters.
They remain cheaters

It's over, op. I'm sorry, but there's no coming back from this. Tell him it's over, stop communicating with him, and move on.

So sorry to hear this.

It sounds like the pregnancy occurred during the period of time you were apart??

One of the things that comes to mind is, is he sure it is his child?

The second thought is if the child is his are you prepared to stand by and have him pay maintenance as he should for the next 18 years minimum.

Are you going to cope when he goes to Ireland to visit his child? She's unlikely to let a newborn come to a different country, could be for a long time too if she's breastfeeding.

IMO it will hurt now, hurt like hell, but living with everything this will entail as a reminder he slept with someone else and didn't even have the brains to wear a condom, while you were on a break will be far far worse. I'd cut my losses, things were rocky already, this would be the time I draw a close to it personally.

I’m so sorry this has happened OP. 💐Personally I think it’s over. For your own MH and wellbeing you need to end this and walk (run!) far away from him.

Oh god, that must be agony. I’m so so sorry. You might love him but I can’t imagine loving someone enough to keep him in my life with such a cripplingly painful reminder of what I couldn’t have. I think for your own well-being you’ve got to walk away, far far away from him and don’t look back. Protect yourself and your heart from more hurt than you’ve already suffered.

omg, you'll drive yourself crazy slowly if you talk yourself in to accepting this.

I am so sorry this is happening to you! I don't think you will be able to get over this. Infertility is really tough, so getting another woman pregnant is the absolute nightmare. It's appalling!

The ghost of infertility will haunt this relationship but not necessarily your next relationship.

If you start any new relationship with the acceptance (difficult though it is) ''I can't have children'' then your next relationship will be free from that ''failure'' because it was never an expectation.

If you stick with this guy you're going to be doubly wounded on an ongoing basis.

please don't collude with eroding yourself.

Oh OP this is really shit for you, I can only imagine how hurtful it is that she is pregnant (on top of the actual cheating part)

i personally couldn’t get past this. Even if you were on a break and he didn’t technically cheat - this changes the dynamic of your relationship. There is now and always will be a 3rd party in your life, someone who has a massive impact on the choices you will make. I am a step parent and there is not one major or even minor decision made in my life which doesn’t have to give consideration to my partners children. Even booking a cinema trip or day out has to be run through the “how does this work with step children” scenario. Its hard enough but knowing you haven’t chosen a man with children and this dynamic has come about because he was putting it about Willy nilly (pardon the pun).

knowing what I know now about life, love and blended families, i would walk if I were you. Yes it will be painful to start and 10 years is a lot to give up, but you can and would be happy somewhere else too.
there’s a big wide world out there and many men who could fill your partners shoes.

It sounds as though they may have been on a break at the time.

OP, is that right, had you split up when this happened?

Yes, I thought the same. I’ve also know people that have cheated who have not cheated again.

Thank you all for you supporting messages it really means a lot. 💕
Fertility is most definitely the most painful obstacle to overcome and knowing his now going to be sharing this experience with another woman is more painful then I can possibly explain.
Another we was on a brake when this happened the fact is is happened and I know in my heart that the right thing to do is to accept it and walk away no matter how hard it may be as I know our relationship won't ever fully be able to recover from this and I don't want to wake up next to a man I lover every morning for the rest of my life resenting him.
So now I must make the most difficult decision to protect myself and my heart from anymore pain 😢

Life it short. Don't waste another moment on him.

Totally this.
How old are you? This doesn't change the fact that you should break up.
You were having problems before this and this is going to make those existing problems 100 x worse.
You deserve better!

I have secondary infertility and can't have kids with new parter. I understand it will break your heart. I can't bear to look at my partner holding other peoples new born babies.

There’s like 7 BILLION people on this planet. So I think it’s safe to say you’ll find someone better than him.

I would add to this you may stand a better chance of having a baby with someone else. Happened to my cousin. She was told she couldn’t, then met a new partner, didn’t use anything and now they have a four year old DD. Maybe you are not compatible fertility wise.

I think relationships that have breaks and ups and many downs are generally not going to work in the end. Add to that a new baby with someone else to deal with, and spend your life with. I’d walk away. Turn over a fresh page and find someone better, something easier.

I am 28 and he is 44, he already has children from a previous relationship but I knew and accepted that before we started our relationship and I love his children and would not change them for the world. But now his got another woman pregnant I just can't get my heart around it he says he loves me and wants to work things out but if that where true he would have tried to fix the relationship rather then sleeping with about her woman knowing that this could have been a possibility. I have literally drove myself crazy since he told me on 27th April but stupid me just thought he was saying it to try and hurt me but inside he was being completely truthful but no matter how much I love him I am going to have to walk away now and put myself first xx

It's unforgiveable. Walk away lovely 💐

I assume he doesn't use condoms with you and clearly didn't with her, therefore putting you at risk of std's.

So I could probably overlook the shagging her if you were in a break. But he put your health at risk!

So you met around 18, and he 34? I hope you walk away.

Yes I had just turned 19 and he was 34 when we got together in 2012 and you are also correct we don't use protection as we hoped one day I would fall pregnant. Also knowing he has slept with another woman unprotected has definitely kept me away from him in the bedroom so I am safe there but I had a check up with the doctor to be safe then sorry and all is well in that department but thank you for your concern xx

Agree with this. Particularly given his age, and that his fertility will have declined. If you have a difficulties, a younger man in his prime would give you a higher chance.