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Original poster

My partner got another woman pregnant

78 replies

LittleLady93 · 17/07/2022 20:12

So where do I begin, my partner and I have been together for almost 10 years however for the past year we have definitely had a fair share of ups and downs. While we was apart he met a woman from social media who happens to live in Ireland, after meeting up with her on two occasions things didn't really plan out. For the fact that I love him I've put aside that he started seeing another woman but now she is pregnant!!! I myself have suffered with fertility problems and after 10 years unfortunately I have never fallen pregnant and knowing he has got another woman pregnant it absolutely rips my heart apart💔
He still continues to tell me he loves me and wants to try and work through things but now I know the truth I'm unsure as to wether or not I will be able to accept him back in to my life dispute how much I love him.
I Feel completely lost and was wondered if anyone else has gone through anything similar and has any advice 🥺

OP posts:
Herejustforthisone · 17/07/2022 21:11

This is brutal. You must feel awful.

However, he’s created a family with her now. Don’t go back to this man. Say no. This relationship does not sound good for you.

Shouldishouldnti2 · 17/07/2022 21:13

Sending you hugs, I can only imagine how painful this must be for you 💐

Herejustforthisone · 17/07/2022 21:14

LittleLady93 · 17/07/2022 21:02

Yes I had just turned 19 and he was 34 when we got together in 2012 and you are also correct we don't use protection as we hoped one day I would fall pregnant. Also knowing he has slept with another woman unprotected has definitely kept me away from him in the bedroom so I am safe there but I had a check up with the doctor to be safe then sorry and all is well in that department but thank you for your concern xx

So this man, when he was 34, was trying to knock up a 19-year-old? That is utterly disgusting. I’ll say it, he’s disgusting. You’re so young. Take this as your opportunity to run away and have a good life away from this borderline predator, a description I stand by seeing as he shagged a woman unprotected and immediately got her pregnant while ‘on a break’ from his relationship (of ten years) with you. Disgusting.

Herejustforthisone · 17/07/2022 21:17

God I’m tired. I said disgusting way too many times.

jessieninto · 17/07/2022 21:17

I'm sorry OP. Just in case you are not aware - most NHS CCGs won't approve you for IVF if the male of a couple has a child with someone else. You're expected to get over it and parent his child instead.

Mif4 · 17/07/2022 21:23

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

diddl · 17/07/2022 21:24

So you split up & he very quickly starts sleeping with someone else without using contraception.

That doesn't work out so he comes back to you.

Horrible.

I hope you find someone decent Op.

boopleflouff · 17/07/2022 21:26

Cut your losses, and find someone who will love and value you for who you are.

It will tear you apart watching him with the new child.

Also, have you been to face your doctor? I would, just to get checked out.

Flowers
Riverlee · 17/07/2022 21:31

I also wondered whether the child is his. Seems a bit suspicious after two meetings.

That aside, he also slept with her immediately after meeting her. No getting to know her first etc. Didn’t take long to sleep around.

5128gap · 17/07/2022 21:33

Herejustforthisone · 17/07/2022 21:17

God I’m tired. I said disgusting way too many times.

Not anywhere near enough imo.
Makes me tired too.

Bonheurdupasse · 17/07/2022 21:39

Googlecanthelpme · 17/07/2022 20:28

Oh OP this is really shit for you, I can only imagine how hurtful it is that she is pregnant (on top of the actual cheating part)

i personally couldn’t get past this. Even if you were on a break and he didn’t technically cheat - this changes the dynamic of your relationship. There is now and always will be a 3rd party in your life, someone who has a massive impact on the choices you will make. I am a step parent and there is not one major or even minor decision made in my life which doesn’t have to give consideration to my partners children. Even booking a cinema trip or day out has to be run through the “how does this work with step children” scenario. Its hard enough but knowing you haven’t chosen a man with children and this dynamic has come about because he was putting it about Willy nilly (pardon the pun).

knowing what I know now about life, love and blended families, i would walk if I were you. Yes it will be painful to start and 10 years is a lot to give up, but you can and would be happy somewhere else too.
there’s a big wide world out there and many men who could fill your partners shoes.

This OP.
The life of a stepmother can be really, really shit. You're always the last of the priorities. And especially after being (possibly?) cheated on...unbearable.

inthisworld · 17/07/2022 21:40

I am in no way saying this happens to many people..

But someone I know was told she could not have children naturally her whole life. She was in a few long term relationships over 15 years of her life no contraception. The longest relationship was terrible. Cheating, abuse etc and she finally left. She met someone new a few years later and they decided to try IVF. Just before they went to start she found out she was pregnant naturally. The doctors were absolutely shocked and so was she it was absolutely amazing. Since then they have married and had another child naturally, again a shock and totally not expected.

I sometimes wonder what her life had been like had she stayed in one of the horrible relationships, sometimes these things happen because something amazing is waiting for you on the other side. If I was you I would let him go. No hard feelings, you love and you learn. Your so young and I'm sure you will meet someone else should you want to, who will love and respect you more than this. Who you won't have to always look back and worry or feel sad about this situation now. I can only imagine how hard this is for you. Take care of yourself xx

peachy3 · 17/07/2022 21:42

My ex got his ex pregnant whilst we were together. I was absolutely distraught and it was the end of the road for me. I was a total mess after and almost got back together with him because he had told me he loved me and only me and I was in such a bad place that I believed him but luckily common sense knocked that out of me pretty quickly and I realised he would never change and the relationship was dead. Never spoke to him again.

In your situation, you’ve mentioned fertility issues and I just know that this will be a big factor in your relationship ending. He’s going to be the father to a child that isn’t the one you’ve been longing for for 10 years. You’re not going to want to stay with a man who’s family is with someone else. I’m so sorry about your situation OP Flowers

Heroicallyl0st · 17/07/2022 21:44

I would thank your lucky stars you haven’t had a child with him. You’re so young and have no ties to him - you can walk away and find someone who will truly cherish you.

Flittingaboutagain · 17/07/2022 21:48

How awful. I'd have to walk away. Imagine this baby growing up calling your partner Dad and you don't get to be Mum because you didn't adopt etc...he had another relationship. It will be staring you in the face forever.

CallOnMe · 17/07/2022 21:51

I know someone who this happened to, although she didn’t suffer from fertility issues.

She took him back and tried to make it work but she was miserable the entire time and they eventually split up again as she just couldn’t get over him having a child with someone else.

I can imagine for you it would be a million times more difficult.

You say your relationships has had ups and downs anyway which is a big red flag in itself and I wonder if this is a blessing in disguise as it’ll finally give you that push you need to end it for good.

Ponderingwindow · 17/07/2022 21:56

are you prepared to play the happy step-mother to this child for the rest of your life? Spending holidays together, picking out Christmas presents, traveling to be there for big life events?I wouldn’t be. He would be gone to deal with his mess on his own.

that he was having unprotected sex means this wasn’t an accident, he is a creep.

You should also take some time to think about yourself now and yourself at 19. Your age difference is really irrelevant now, but when your relationship started, the difference in your life experience and economic independence was huge. That kind of power imbalance in a relationship is dangerous.

Most 34 year olds would recognize the complications of dating someone so young. If they really felt like the person was the one, they would take the relationship extremely slowly or even simply wait a few years until that Imbalance isn’t as pronounced.

There is another type of person who actively seeks that power imbalance. They want a relationship partner who is somewhat naive and lacks true financial independence. A person who gets to live a nicer life by being with them.

think about what kind of man your partner is. Did he handle your early relationship extremely carefully or did he love bomb you?

BoopTheFoof · 17/07/2022 22:36

I bet he didn't expect a pregnancy either

Catlover1970 · 17/07/2022 22:56

Get rid of him.

Widgets · 17/07/2022 23:07

if you are struggling with your own infertility, you will never be able to make peace with this, it will drive you insane! it will be the root of all future arguments and you will forever hate him for having a baby with another woman and not you.
self preservation - its over - move on

Hiddenvoice · 17/07/2022 23:32

I’m sorry but it’s going to be a tough road if you stay with him. He will be starting a new family, the other woman may not want you involved so if he decides to have a role in the child’s life then he may not be around as much. It must be so much more difficult knowing you have fertility problems. I know you two were on a break but maybe this has come as a blessing in disguise. You’re only 28, you still have plenty of time ot meet someone else who will want to do more with you and hopefully you can have a family of your own.
I know it hurts now but you will be protecting yourself in the long run!

CharlotteRose90 · 17/07/2022 23:33

Your relationship is over. He has started a new family with her and I don’t think you will be able to accept that. The constant visits, the baby in his life forever. I’m so sorry but there’s more guys out there.

Appleblum · 18/07/2022 01:49

You need to leave him. You are only 28 and so very young. There's a whole life ahead of you! Sorry you're going through this.

Isaidno22 · 18/07/2022 02:24

I'm so sorry this has happened. This happened to my friend after a brief fling of a few weeks. She was the OW and had the baby. He wanted to leave his wife for them but they'd been through fertility treatment and the wife threatened suicide. He said he couldn't deal with the guilt. My friend gave an ultimatum of all or nothing, which she did regret in hindsight, as he chose his wife. Her child has never met his dad. I don't know how he could do that....any of that! I don't know how his wife forgave him. I hope she saw sense and kicked him out.

Vecna · 18/07/2022 02:37

You won't get over this and trying will torture you. Please do yourself a favour and leave this problem behind.

It will hurt like hell but you're young and could have so much to look forward to, so be strong for the sake of future you.

This situation would be utterly miserable for anyone, but I've suffered infertility so I know how much more badly this is likely to get to you. Save yourself. He'll be just fine with or without you.

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