Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My partner got another woman pregnant

78 replies

LittleLady93 · 17/07/2022 20:12

So where do I begin, my partner and I have been together for almost 10 years however for the past year we have definitely had a fair share of ups and downs. While we was apart he met a woman from social media who happens to live in Ireland, after meeting up with her on two occasions things didn't really plan out. For the fact that I love him I've put aside that he started seeing another woman but now she is pregnant!!! I myself have suffered with fertility problems and after 10 years unfortunately I have never fallen pregnant and knowing he has got another woman pregnant it absolutely rips my heart apart💔
He still continues to tell me he loves me and wants to try and work through things but now I know the truth I'm unsure as to wether or not I will be able to accept him back in to my life dispute how much I love him.
I Feel completely lost and was wondered if anyone else has gone through anything similar and has any advice 🥺

OP posts:
Weatherwax13 · 18/07/2022 02:53

Leave him.
This will drive you mental.
You have so much time to have your fertility investigated and maybe find a route to having a child of your own without this twat.

CJsGoldfish · 18/07/2022 02:54

So this man, when he was 34, was trying to knock up a 19-year-old? That is utterly disgusting. I’ll say it, he’s disgusting. You’re so young. Take this as your opportunity to run away and have a good life away from this borderline predator, a description I stand by seeing as he shagged a woman unprotected and immediately got her pregnant while ‘on a break’ from his relationship (of ten years) with you. Disgusting
This. 100%

He got you nice and young and I'm sure has molded you into who HE wants you to be. As much as this hurts OP, he has given you an opportunity. Take it and run

Glitternails1 · 18/07/2022 05:07

BryceQuinlan · 17/07/2022 20:53

So you met around 18, and he 34? I hope you walk away.

This makes me so uncomfortable. Someone in their mid 20s shouldn’t be with an 18-19 year old because they’re at a totally different stage in life. It’s disgusting and disturbing that a 34 year old was interested in someone who had only just turned 19.

I thought OP was going to say she was late 30s and her biological clock had ran out of time. OP is only 28 and she can do more investigations into her infertility. @LittleLady93 what have you been tested for?

Jewel7 · 18/07/2022 05:48

Your so young you have time.
If he truly respected you he would have at least used protection you would hope.
I think walking away will teach you a lot and you will look back with relief.
I don’t think you would want to be involved with him once he becomes a dad as that is going to be so tough for you,
I am sorry this has happened.

miraveile · 18/07/2022 06:13

You have time to get pregnant with someone else. You can have unprotected sex for years and not get pregnant purely by luck, it would entirely depend on when you were doing it. Have you been actively trying? Do you know you have fertility issues or just assumed? If you're just assuming, I would think again - it's entirely possible you don't have any such issue.

Lose this dead weight now and start the rest of your life!!

5128gap · 18/07/2022 06:57

The way I see it OP, in 20 years time, your partner will be in his mid 70s while you will only be 48. I'm 5 years older than you, and there is no way I'd want to making the sort of sacrifices and compromises living with a man that age would require, accepting the slow pace of life at a time when you'll still be youthful and dynamic.
If you're even going to contemplate giving up your youth for someone whose had theirs and wants another go round on the back of yours, that person needs to be 100% worth it. No doubts in other areas and bringing a lot to the table to compensate.
What you have here is a middle aged man with a thing for young women, and a relationship that's not stable to avoid him fathering another woman's child. It doesn't come close to enough to balance the scales.

5128gap · 18/07/2022 06:58

Mid 60s, not 70s, obviously.

Herejustforthisone · 18/07/2022 07:52

Isaidno22 · 18/07/2022 02:24

I'm so sorry this has happened. This happened to my friend after a brief fling of a few weeks. She was the OW and had the baby. He wanted to leave his wife for them but they'd been through fertility treatment and the wife threatened suicide. He said he couldn't deal with the guilt. My friend gave an ultimatum of all or nothing, which she did regret in hindsight, as he chose his wife. Her child has never met his dad. I don't know how he could do that....any of that! I don't know how his wife forgave him. I hope she saw sense and kicked him out.

That poor wife. I imagine she knew he wanted to leave her for your friend and the baby. I don’t think him staying out of guilt did her any favours. I too, hope she kicked him out.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 18/07/2022 08:00

I don't think this is something you are going to be able to get over, I wouldn't even if it was on a break

It's hard but I think you need to walk away for your own mh 🌹

Musttryharder2021 · 18/07/2022 08:40

LittleLady93 · 17/07/2022 20:45

I am 28 and he is 44, he already has children from a previous relationship but I knew and accepted that before we started our relationship and I love his children and would not change them for the world. But now his got another woman pregnant I just can't get my heart around it he says he loves me and wants to work things out but if that where true he would have tried to fix the relationship rather then sleeping with about her woman knowing that this could have been a possibility. I have literally drove myself crazy since he told me on 27th April but stupid me just thought he was saying it to try and hurt me but inside he was being completely truthful but no matter how much I love him I am going to have to walk away now and put myself first xx

@LittleLady93

You will never be his first and main concern. His children will be, and now the new baby. You're down the pecking order of importance.

Have you had any fertility tests done to confirm the issues? And what is it if you don't mind sharing?

DotDotaDash · 18/07/2022 08:53

Looking to the future can you live YOUR best life with him?

I'm thinking his priority is living his life not building one together.

Recommend you think in ‘I’ ‘Me’ terms for a while rather than ‘us’ ‘we’. To help get your life on track x

Twothirtyseven · 18/07/2022 14:48

So I've NC for this.

Im in the exact same position as you albeit it slightly in front on a time wise scale. The baby is 7 months old. I have the infertility aspect also but it's secondary (I have one teenager) my partner has no other child apart from baby. We don't have an age gap (4 years only) but we had the long prior relationship, "on a break", he got someone pregnant. We 'split' for reasons not associated with fertility / infertility but I know deep down he desperately wanted to be a father and I couldn't give him that.

Not saying its the easiest thing in the world, but I'm happy. Genuinely happy. Not an ideal situation but I know but our relationship has been tested and has endured (so far) and yes I would have loved to him give him a child but I couldn't.

Feel free to ask me any questions and good luck. I just wanted to show you there is another option. Before I was in this position myself I would have completely agreed with everyone else to walk away.

I truly feel for you and you need to put your own needs first.

Roundthetwistyroad · 18/07/2022 15:02

I had something a bit similar - I adopted 2 children who have been very difficult. Started seeing someone much younger and thought he would be honest with me when he needed to move on. However, he started drifting from me and turned out he had got someone pregnant. It was agony so I totally understand how awful you must feel. But you are young and even if it doesn't happen in the conventional way you still have time to build a family with someone who has you as their priority. Or have a lovely childfree life with someone.
Run away from this. It will break your heart to remain in this relationship. Cut contact and look forward not back. You can do it!

Roundthetwistyroad · 18/07/2022 15:04

Yes Twothirtyseven but it is a bit different if you have already had the experience of being pregnant and having your own birth child even if it was a long time ago

Amandamandamoo · 18/07/2022 15:13

spotcheck · 17/07/2022 20:14

I’ve been with cheaters.
They remain cheaters

@spotcheck

They were separated at the time

Amandamandamoo · 18/07/2022 15:14

As strange as it sounds if you support him now in this it may bring you closer than ever. You were separated at the time and this would really show you were in it no matter what. I’d give it another try.

Spohn · 18/07/2022 15:38

Amandamandamoo · 18/07/2022 15:14

As strange as it sounds if you support him now in this it may bring you closer than ever. You were separated at the time and this would really show you were in it no matter what. I’d give it another try.

Would you? 😂 you’d cheerily wave him off to Ireland each week to parent his new kid? You’d want a boyfriend so desperately you’d accept a male who at 34 was trying to impregnate a teenager?

Herejustforthisone · 18/07/2022 15:42

Twothirtyseven · 18/07/2022 14:48

So I've NC for this.

Im in the exact same position as you albeit it slightly in front on a time wise scale. The baby is 7 months old. I have the infertility aspect also but it's secondary (I have one teenager) my partner has no other child apart from baby. We don't have an age gap (4 years only) but we had the long prior relationship, "on a break", he got someone pregnant. We 'split' for reasons not associated with fertility / infertility but I know deep down he desperately wanted to be a father and I couldn't give him that.

Not saying its the easiest thing in the world, but I'm happy. Genuinely happy. Not an ideal situation but I know but our relationship has been tested and has endured (so far) and yes I would have loved to him give him a child but I couldn't.

Feel free to ask me any questions and good luck. I just wanted to show you there is another option. Before I was in this position myself I would have completely agreed with everyone else to walk away.

I truly feel for you and you need to put your own needs first.

So you’re back with him? And he has a seven month old baby with another woman, a child he desperately wanted?

How long were you apart, during which he managed to make someone else pregnant?

Amandamandamoo · 18/07/2022 15:43

@Spohn

Yes, I don’t see any problem with their age difference. Married my husband at 20 with a 15 year age difference and we’re still together more than two decades later. This whole thing about you have to be 30 now or whatever to know your mind and have children is a bunch of bull.

Herejustforthisone · 18/07/2022 15:43

Amandamandamoo · 18/07/2022 15:14

As strange as it sounds if you support him now in this it may bring you closer than ever. You were separated at the time and this would really show you were in it no matter what. I’d give it another try.

Please be a troll. Gross.

Amandamandamoo · 18/07/2022 15:45

@Herejustforthisone

Inassure you I’m serious. They were split at the time and I’m sure he didn’t want this. But it happened. If you truly love someone and want them to be your life partner I would try to work through it even though their may be residual feelings for a while

beautyisthefaceisee · 18/07/2022 15:45

spotcheck · 17/07/2022 20:14

I’ve been with cheaters.
They remain cheaters

He didn't cheat!

beautyisthefaceisee · 18/07/2022 15:46

I'm also serious about you not ruling him out. PP's seem to lack the ability to read.

Twothirtyseven · 18/07/2022 15:48

We were apart for 11 months. Literally no contact.

But yes, I see my situation is somewhat different as I have had that experience of pregnancy m birth / my own child where OP hasn't.

Twothirtyseven · 18/07/2022 15:52

Herejustforthisone · 18/07/2022 15:43

Please be a troll. Gross.

Show quote history

If @Amandamandamoo is a troll then so am I (I'm not!) but I agree with this.
In a weird way we are closer than ever. It has definitely put the relationship on a different starting foot, but we are open & honest and he doesn't want me to have any pent up resentment so encourages us to talk about it. I have told him I don't want apologies or "I wish things were different" because they aren't and there is no point in discussing what could have been etc etc We deal with the here and now and the cards we have been dealt.