Dumped over the phone tonight after 4 years!

[LMBoston]

Just that. There’s been a few weeks of him being distant, two instances of… “unsuccessful” sex, our first proper row about Jordan Peterson ffs, then this week he booked a September holiday alone without saying anything (not a problem per se — I love holidaying alone — but it would be nice to be told!).

I’m 47, he’s 34. No particular reason given, apart from he feels like he’s just treading water and his “head’s a shed” — that expression gives me the ick anyway, thank Christ — so I’m not sure if he’s having a premature midlife crisis/wants kids now/is shagging elsewhere (successfully, no doubt). There isn’t much point discussing it as it’s hurtful enough without hearing a list of my perceived faults.

It’s been a lovely 4 years; he was always truly thoughtful and supportive through major life changes, and a very wise owl. Never demonstratively affectionate and useless at intimate conversation, but he’s ex-Special Forces and quite a manly sort, plus bitter experience has taught me that anyone can say they love you but actions speak louder than words!

We don’t live together but see (saw 😔) each other every day, look after each other’s dogs and share everything. It seemed an ideal set up for two people that enjoy their own space and independence in the happy knowledge that someone always has your back. I haven’t told anyone yet; too embarrassing when everyone, including his mother, said he adored me.

Thanks for reading, I’m wandering round the house like a lost soul and even the dog thinks I’m being weird so he’s gone to sleep in the spare room! Any company much appreciated…

His head's a shed that someone else is living in, I bet you anything.

I'm sorry he's gone about this in a cowardly way. After 4 years together common decency would be to have the balls to face you.

Well if he has ended it by text after four years, he's told you all you need to know about him.

What's his reason for ending it, has he said? Regardless, you do not need to feel embarrassed. He does.

Stay strong OP. If his heads on the shed you don't need that kind of drama. It's going to hurt for a while but you will move on and things will be better. You are only 47 there is plenty of time to find a loving relationship elsewhere. You deserve to be treated better than a phone call

I'm sorry, thsts so sad & disappointing. However, what kind of a twat 'sumos' you over the phone after 4 years. Bloidy coward!

Sorry you're going through this. The first thing struck me was your age differences. Sounds like he's having second thoughts-maybe wants a different life or at least the option ( family of his own). Shitty thing to end it over text. Had you talked about the future?

I’m so sorry, that’s awful.

I hope you will be ok.

Hi. I'm sorry this has happened. There's nothing I can say that will help right now but it will get easier. Try not to look for reasons why, it's not worked out and thats enough. Sending a hug

Did you even read the OP?

Sorry, OP, he obviously should have done this in person.

but I am sure the dog just fancies a change and does not find you weird!

Fair enough wanting to end the relationship, doing it via text as a grown adult after a four year stint, is shit. This is no reflection on you, but tells you all you need to know about him. What a bloody coward. I think that you might find that the holiday he booked won't be as solo as he's making out. I'm really sorry, I hope you manage to remember all of his shitty bits and move on soon.

He's an asshat, he doesn't deserve you. But sending loads of hugs as you definitely didn't deserve that! Doggo must be v confused but I'm sure will be back with lots of emotional support soon. Given how he's done this it'll take some time to sink in but as he has been such a feckwit about it try to resist contacting him for more info

Fuck me, all that’s made me cry for the first time tonight! Thanks chaps x

If it’s any consolation (it’s not), it wasn’t via text but on the phone. We were discussing his upcoming holiday — I was excited for him and said he deserved a break! — but he was very quiet and non-comittal so I asked if anything was wrong. Turns out, yes :(

@IncompleteSenten That made me laugh, though!

@bluekostree We’ve discussed living together, always with the caveat that it was big enough for us both to have a bit of space and lots of dogs so — financially — a future dream. Recently though, that dream had appeared to become mine alone… He has a chronic health condition (hence EX-SForces) and has always said he didn’t think he wanted kids but I wouldn’t blame him if he’d changed his mind. A bit of honesty would be respectful, though?

I’ve been through divorce, abortion, illness, addiction and one man broke my heart so badly I thought I’d never recover. But I did, and I swore that I’d never let myself get in that state again. I’ll survive, it’s just a dreadful shock. So good to have a nest of vipers at my back (and ta for the flowers @EmmaH2022 ) :)

Lovely flowers @HappyGoLuckyLuLu ☺️

@Cannylaughs I agree, in fact I don’t even particularly care why (although if it’s a case of another femme then I’d like to bloody know about it, rather than having to cherche out about it from someone else!). It’s dangerously easy to tie yourself in knots over the reasons when they don’t really matter. It’s done.

I’m very sorry he did this by phone. It’s sad to have fluffy fuzzy fun plans of lots of dogs unmade by a phone call.

you sound like a tough nut but that doesn’t mean you can’t feel really really sad. Honestly, the standard advice is return any things of each others’ then close off any communication and go cold turkey. Go and stay the night with a single girlfriend who would genuinely understand and let you offload for an hour without interrupting or arguing and then make you laugh and be distracted from it.

I’m really sorry though. What an undignified ending. The phone. Pur-leez.

I’d say he wants children.

Its awful he called you rather than coming to see you.

Perhaps it is just the hot weather?

Rowing over Jordan Peters on?

My advice, go no contact, not a thing, not a peep. He will feel the hole after 4 years, whatever his reason then, and deserves to.

Hmmm. Head's a shed with a bed I reckon.

Sorry op x

That is really shit op. Look after yourself

It's awful of him to not give you the courtesy or respect to do this face to face. Otoh, with the age difference I'm not in the least surprised this happened. He was just 30 and probably never even thought about a family of his own which he must have realised by now. Sorry op but you must have had some concerns about this relationship lasting?

Really shitty behaviour OP 🌹

Though I once got an email after 10+ years. Ho hum, much happier now (there was a OW - not that he had the bollocks to tell me that in his shitty email).

@Maurepas I’d like to think that, but if it was just the hot weather I don’t think he’d want a holiday somewhere even hotter 😅

@Opentooffers yep that’s exactly it. Unfortunately we have business dealings but I’ll be keeping those strictly professional and (if I can afford it) might withdraw some of my services. So to speak… the irony!

I don't think he's going on holiday alone, but doesn't want to say. Sorry, if he comes crawling back, don't take him.