What do you talk about if your in a long term relationship

[Dogmum40]

Hi everyone,

Could I ask opinions on what you actually chat about if you’ve been together long term?

My husband and I have been together 15 years and I think we’ve lost the art of communication, we run two businesses together and have no children so when we’ve finished work and sat down for dinner or go on date nights we just talk about business, we have a great relationship on the whole and we are definitely equals in everything we do but I just think we struggle to chat nowadays, we sat down for dinner last night and I told him I didn’t want to discuss the businesses but what followed was an awkward silence.

We don’t laugh or joke anymore either because I don’t think we no longer no how, we either discuss business or watch tv! If we go out with friends separately we do chat about that and what our friends are up to but that’s only every so often and for on about half an hour or so.

So how do you get the conversation back, and what do you all chat about, any ideas would be great!

Polítics for us - so we are having great conversations at the moment.
We do talk about work a lot, and I talk about the kids way too much.

We used to watch good-quality drama (like House of Cards) which also sparked conversations.

This morning we have covered

The mess that is our government
The super moon
We did a quiz
I told him about my bizarre dream
The benefits of Greek yoghurt
Plans for the next two days
North v south attitudes of the 1970s
How we have middle class names yet are both working class and why we thought our parents named us thus.
That was over breakfast

Anything and everything. Plans, work, we have DC but don’t talk about them all the time, friends, family, politics, current affairs, books we’re reading, tv we’re watching separately and together, the weather, the house, the garden, stuff going on where we live, holidays, what to have for dinner, dinner. Whatever one of us is thinking I suppose, the other listens, we chat about it then move on to the next thing.

Politics, society, current events, crazy theories, nostalgia, music, art, literature, hobbies, quiz, health, pets, family and friends' news, home decoration, gardening, holidays, planning for the future...

We do occasionally talk about politics but when people discuss politics it tends to be which policies affect them and how incompetent they are so again it’s back to how Boris and Rishi nearly destroyed our businesses!

What are the benefits to Greek yogurt, we have Skyr 😆

Politics and the news..sport ( it will be golf today) our families..the news...our childhood if it comes up..our plans...holidays..our hobbies..just chitter chatter..and our jobs.

Maybe we need to do quizzes! We do an Xmas jigsaw but it’s July and still only done part of the edging so maybe we need to make time to revisit that! Another thing is we work long hours but we definitely need to start talking more about anything but our bloody businesses

If you think back to when you got together, did you have any interests you could revisit? Travel, films, a sport... what did you do for leisure time in the early years?
Even if it was an interest that belonged to one of you more than the other, it's still possibly a good place to start. E.g. if DH loves football, get tickets to go and see his team play, it would be fun even if you aren't a huge fan. Or take him to something you love and let him into your inner world a bit

We are lucky in regards because we don’t have children we have travelled the world! But not so much this last couple of years obviously, we do occasionally bring up our past travels if we watch or see something related to somewhere we have travelled and

We used to go to comedy nights, theatre and cinema etc.. but because how busy we are with the businesses and restrictions during Covid they too don’t happen now!

I find it really sad that we are more like business partners! I can’t imagine being with anyone else but I wish I could turn the clock back to when we used to chat all the time! It’s just so boring nowadays

DH and I have gone through phases where conversation stagnates, we know we have to work at it and make time. We eat dinner together every night and will usually cover day to day stuff such as upcoming holiday, what the grown up DCs are doing. DHs work is going through a restructure and I am going through recruitment for a promotion so work is high on the agenda at the moment. We also both have elderly and unwell parents so that is often discussed.

At other times we talk about films quite a lot as we both love films and have quite different tastes. We find we reminisce a fair bit now the kids are older. We talk about our early relationship, great trips we have been on etc. About once a month we will spend some time looking at photos and we are trying to make some physical and digital albums = that often leads on to conversations about where we went, remember when DS got stuck in that slide, DD hated that swimming pool all that kind of thing.

We often send each other things we have seen online, articles etc and so we then end up discussing those. Our common interests discussion wise are the environment, places we want to go in the UK, the state of the High Street, conspiracy theories (not that we believe them but just how interesting they can be). Also, we do love a crossword to do together!

We also talk about the dog and the cost of living a lot at the moment!

Last thing is, we do laugh a lot. We both value humour and it is what keeps us from getting in to arguments a lot of the time. We will use humour to diffuse something potentially contentious. That isn't to say we don't have serious conversations and air our grievances but we try hard not to let things descend into a row as neither of us are very good at moving on from those!

The benefits of Greek yoghurt are purely in regard to my DH happily eating biscuits for breakfast. He had yoghurt and fruit today after our chat

You probably just need to do some stuff together that isn't the business then talk about that. For DH & I it is motorcycling, we talk a lot about motorbikes, safety gear, routes, idiot car drivers than want to kill us etc.

We also gossip about the neighbours, report back on our various activities/friends and discuss the news (we often have differing opinions which is great because it makes the discussion more in depth and generally don't stop until we have reached some kind of agreement).

I’d rather eat biscuits for breakfast rather than Skyr

Current affairs, holiday plans, reminisce about previous holidays, our grandkids, plans for the house, plans for retirement, general gossip, and if we’re really stuck we people watch and comment on what’s going on around us.

We were at the local pub a while back and commented to the landlady that it was our wedding anniversary. She said she hadn’t realised we were married because “you never stop talking to each other”

We are a bit like you (except we don’t work together in a business). I guess life does suck the joy out of things a bit.

My dh likes to talk about future - usually it is all pipe dreams:

• holiday plans, we will get as far as picking dates and locations but with no intention of booking


• property porn


• If it’s time for a new car (it really isn’t!) and what dh would buy


• when is the right time to invest in solar panels and do a loft conversion to make space for our kids


• what to do with our spare income when we are mortgage-free (answer: spend it on cost of living rises)


• whether to join David Lloyd or is it a waste of money

we also talk about politics, tv and the garden, it is pretty mundane stuff tbf

We are both very interested in horse racing, so that is an endless topic of conversation. I had never had the slightest interest in it before I met him, but luckily he took me once nearly forty years ago 🙄, and I loved it. So we have racing tv, some shares in Horses ( and they are always in some sort of trouble so plenty of conversation there). We both spend a lot of time and thought on the garden, bulb catalogues, manuals, tool sites, nursery visits….

so maybe if you could find some shared interests outside work, that would give you mutual chat topics. I know it’s hard when you are working, but we ‘ran’ the racing at the same time as two businesses. DH once rang me in New York to tell me some snippet about a trainer, and that was in the days when calls were ££££.

DH and I are conscious that this happens to couples so we make special date nights where we don't discuss anything practical (kids, mortgage, to do list, etc) but try and behave like we are dating again - ask each other questions - talk about travel, food, books, friends, politics - just to remind each other why we fell for each other in the first place. Even just the commitment and desire to do that together is romantic and makes us feel loved up - we are showing each other that we value each other for who we are, not just as a practical day to day partner, but are interested in each other.

The garden, the veg patch, the dogs, work, neighbours, family, what we did today, what we plan to do tomorrow, anything and everything really

We talk about our lovely girl(Dalmatian!) The rising food costs /Government. Any odd headlines ,our DC .Can you talk about interests you both enjoy? Maybe have a walk together instead of watching TV .Nice evenings now .Maybe a shared hobby .Gardening or cooking something nice together? How about a games night Cards /chess .monopoly ? Just to get that feeling back .It seems a shame to always talk about work!

DH and I work in the same industry, different teams/functions but same building, usually same office and I think you end up with no bits and pieces to talk about at dinner because you see each other throughout the day and chat then, also very easy to talk about work when you do the same/similar things. We both work in the criminal justice system so there's usually something of note that's happened during the day.
A little space is a good thing, separate hobbies etc gives you things to come back and talk about, we do also talk about current affairs/politics etc and try and find the odd TV show we both like to watch.
Last night we both sat on the sofa reading, the odd chat/comment but not much. It wasn't awkward it was comfortable.

Mainly journalism and politics but we also enjoy planning holidays so often talk about trips we'll do one day. We gossip about the neighbours, bitch about people we don't like, talk about the kids. We do also talk about work a lot but I don't mind that, I'm interested in his job and he is in mine (or he pretends to be anyway!). Film and TV. Local events going on where we live. Stuff we need to do to the house. Anything and everything really.

Have separate hobbies so you can talk about them.

He'd most definitely prefer his Jammie Dodgers. I'd prefer him to live as long as possible though.

We used to have different hobbies and interest but when you start a business your focus shifts and any free time is spent doing accounts, talking about the business or tax , I think we need to reassess our life and try to be fun again

Bugger all. I'm bored stiff ☹️