What do you talk about if your in a long term relationship

[Dogmum40]

Hi everyone,

Could I ask opinions on what you actually chat about if you’ve been together long term?

My husband and I have been together 15 years and I think we’ve lost the art of communication, we run two businesses together and have no children so when we’ve finished work and sat down for dinner or go on date nights we just talk about business, we have a great relationship on the whole and we are definitely equals in everything we do but I just think we struggle to chat nowadays, we sat down for dinner last night and I told him I didn’t want to discuss the businesses but what followed was an awkward silence.

We don’t laugh or joke anymore either because I don’t think we no longer no how, we either discuss business or watch tv! If we go out with friends separately we do chat about that and what our friends are up to but that’s only every so often and for on about half an hour or so.

So how do you get the conversation back, and what do you all chat about, any ideas would be great!

Politics
The Garden
The family
His illnesses
My busy diary
my friends
books we are reading
quiz Shows he’s watched
Bids he’s just seen
My paintings
our friends
where to go on holiday
Where to go for a meal
Articles in the paper

Why don’t you each select an item of news each day to get conversation going?

Tonight after my initial post earlier today I made a decision we weren’t going to be old and boring anymore and we went on YouTube and checked out our favourite theme tunes to programs we watched as kids and shock horror we had a giggle! Podding peas and The raccoons had an awesome theme tune and so thank you to everyone who suggested reminiscing! that was 45 minutes of our evening anyway! Luckily there is no theme tunes relating to the House of Commons tax laws so I was spared that one! ….

Do stuff together. The more you get into the habit of this, the more it becomes a fun topic of conversation. DH and I talk about:

what plays we want to go and see and why
what plays we've seen and what we thought about them
same with gigs and concerts
same with art and museum exhibitions
same with NT gardens & homes or similar
what restaurants to try
what walks to go on and what routes to take
where to go for a weekend away or on holiday
what day trips or adventures we want to book once we are there

we also talk day to day about:

politics and current affairs
work - current and future projects; how our day went
the DC ( a lot)
what to have for dinner
where to live when we retire
our hobbies
what we watched on tv
our family and friends or village gossip
home renovations and the garden
silly anecdotes of things we saw or experienced while out and about

Thank you for your suggestions, we spend every frigging day together 24/7 running the businesses from home and other than burying him in my new patio to be I’m running out of topics of conversation! We did discuss pensions and NI tonight and what we need to achieve for our future so that’s something different to corp tax, self assessment and how Rishi screwed us over with IR35 😆

Holidays, weather, what's for meals, sport, health, family, people we know, news items. Jokes, neighbours, what's on TV.

I didn't see much of DH today but I told him about my horror novel idea. We talked about nuts. And Godzilla. We tutted about the bastard cat stealing some paella.

I feel under pressure now to think of something good to talk about tomorrow.

Oh and how the truth of existence can be found in a Vin Diesel film.

Married for 15 years and the husband is dull with no interest in changing that. The conversation bores me because it’s mainly him critiquing something or someone and I just don’t have time for that.

With 3 children I join in with their activities. They have swim class, I run off and have a golf lesson. I go hiking and mountain biking on trails with the children. I try to read 2 books a month and select a variety of topics. I read the FT, guardian and WSJ. I aim to attend 2 cultural ‘events’ a month. It can be going to a museum, show, gallery or watching a sport. He doesn’t join in but at least I have something to say when I’m asked what I did over the weekend or when I’m out with clients!

Last couple of days

DH promotion, DS new job, my application for a voluntary job, Tour De France, our own cycling, Tory leadership race, upcoming BBQ at a friends house, cleaning outdoor cushion covers, Minecraft, a crime drama we watched, Music from the 80’s, Veg patch in garden, poisonous plants, canal boats, underground heat pumps, Roe vs Wade, how irritating TV reporting can be, algae, avian flu, giant redwoods, the price of ice cream, heat wave of 1976, crossbows, our resident blackbirds, my new mobile phone and what apps I should get, Police cordon in our local High street.

We have been together almost 26 years, he found out today that I used to go ice skating when I was a teenager.

what’s for dinner
the dog
politics
covid deniers
climate change
decluttering/mess/whose turn to unload dishwasher

He’s not really a conversation person, more practical. He struggles to open up and I know very little about his inner life or emotional world.

I think spending time together socialising with other people and talking about other stuff and enjoying yourselves would go a long way to breaking the cycle of pure tedium. Have more fun together and do nice things 🙂 💐

Well, we’d just been to see Thor, so we talked about:

Thor
Whether mindfulness was all bollox (conclusion: yes)
Positive psychology
Perseverance and resilience
Wether to take up a new hobby (discussed learning to juggle)
Van Morrison
Dogs and pizza
Aldi salt and vinegar crisps

Assorted other brain farts.

But do you watch films together or box sets, take holidays together? I can’t see how if you’re watching a film at home you don’t talk about what’s happening or going to happen or if you go to the cinema how can you not discuss it after? Reminiscing about holidays in the past, talking about the next trip. Funny stories from your teenage years they don’t know, things your parents did. Mutual friends, invite them round. Do you not mention weird posts or comments from MN. I’ve also been married 26 years and we talk about anything, everything and nothing from the deep and meaningful to the inane.

I think if you have to do a quiz to find something to talk about your relationship is in a very bad place

I love this!

We do watch films and TV/streaming when we have downtime and chat about it whilst watching it and afterwards but we don’t have major conversations of the synopsis that takes all night.

We don’t finish work till 7-8pm most days so we then cook, sit at the table to eat (chat about business) tidy up then if we have time watch something then bed! Wake up, discuss the days business needs, work and repeat, we have time off at the weekend where we catch up on life admin, go separately or together to see friends and family if we have time, go on date nights ( where we chat about business) and then it’s Monday again

Dh and l talk a lot about the birds in our garden. We both love watching them get a bath, and there’s always loads round the bird feeders. This can occupy a full day!

We have been married 42 years and chat all the time. Never seem to run out of things to talk about.

We both love films and foreign subtitled crime drama on tv so chat about those a lot. We try and go to the theatre as often as possible so another topic of chat.

We love cooking (and eating) and can spend ages talking about food, what new meals we could try, new places to eat, our ideal meal etc.

We go to gardens, castles, stately homes quite a lot. We also both like museums and art galleries.

We chat loads about our dogs. Also the neighbours (we seem to have quite a few strange neighbours).

Holidays we have had and holidays we hope to have. Day trips to places one or both of us like the look of.

We are completely redoing our front garden to be like a country cottage garden with a wildlife pond so, at the moment, we talk about that a lot.

Stories in the newspapers/on the news, both serious and funny.

There are plenty more things we talk about but you get the idea

Did you want children? For most people after the initial holidays/"traveling" conversations at the start of their relationship, raising of the children is what keeps them talking.

Together 30 odd years so I see where you're coming from. Get a dog - you'll have something to talk about for years

We used to have a dog but she’s no longer with us ( hence my user name ) 😭 we were thinking of getting another but it’s too soon yet

Maybe listen to a talk radio station together while you work / cook / sat in the car. That should give you some topics to get you chatting again.

@Dogmum40 so sorry, I feel terrible now - I didn't clock your username

Funnily enough, I've just bookmarked a MN thread to discuss with DD and DH at the beach

awww don’t worry, she definitely kept all talking though! We both miss her terribly which probably isn’t helping come to think of it!