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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Comments

36 replies

Dreamer2020 · 13/07/2022 14:24

He sometimes comments on what I wear , I wore gym clothes today and he asked if I’m going to wear other clothes later that dad as he didn’t like my outfit. Do u think this is unreasonable as makes me feel bad

OP posts:
chipsandpeas · 13/07/2022 14:29

who is he?

Trinity69 · 13/07/2022 14:32

Is he your DP? If so he sounds like a twat.

Pinkbonbon · 13/07/2022 14:39

Well...not really sure why ppl stay in their gym clothes after leaving the gym tbf.

But what do you mean about other comments about what you wear? Because these can be an indication of controlling behaviour beginning to show through.

vodkaredbullgirl · 13/07/2022 14:41

More info needed.

Original poster
Dreamer2020 · 13/07/2022 14:42

It’s my partner

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 13/07/2022 14:50

Doesn't matter what the comment is if it makes you feel bad it makes you feel bad.

Nip this in the bud with
"I'm a grown woman I will wear what I like when I like if you don't like it well suck it up buttercup, have I made myself perfectly clear"

And carry on with your day unaffected.

Original poster
Dreamer2020 · 13/07/2022 21:02

@frozendaisy thanks for your message . I wish I was confident like you

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 14/07/2022 08:12

Dreamer2020 · 13/07/2022 21:02

@frozendaisy thanks for your message . I wish I was confident like you

Just say it @Dreamer2020, if you want a happy relationship with someone you should be able to express yourself honestly or what exactly is the point. Your partner is just one mere man not a god.

it might be the start of controlling behaviour, so you need to know sooner rather than later so you can get the fuck out of there and not waste anymore of your precious time if it is.

So it starts, I prefer you in skirts, then I don't like you when you come home after seeing "Susan". Then it's better if we stay in Saturday. And before you know it you can't wear leggings or go out with your friends.

Best to find out now surely.

frozendaisy · 14/07/2022 08:13

You ARE a grown woman.
You CAN wear what you like when you like.

You need to remember this.

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/07/2022 10:05

In isolation, I’d wonder if your gym clothes were a bit stinky post-gym and he was subtly suggesting that changing might be an idea. But I assume that this comment is not rare, correct? In which case, ask him bluntly why he’s commenting on how you dress.

Edwardoo · 14/07/2022 10:12

I tell DH sometimes that he needs to change. This is when he is being lazy and still in scruffy clothes or wearing something inappropriate for where we need to go.

Original poster
Dreamer2020 · 14/07/2022 11:13

Thanks

I’ve been trying to get another job as my home based one is making me very stressed ou. He said he doesn’t think it’s a good idea to get a job where I have to travel and work outside the house

OP posts:
Cameronnorrieisabitofalright · 14/07/2022 11:15

He means incase you meet nice people and realise he isn't nice....

Rainbowbaby13 · 14/07/2022 11:16

Dreamer2020 · 14/07/2022 11:13

Thanks

I’ve been trying to get another job as my home based one is making me very stressed ou. He said he doesn’t think it’s a good idea to get a job where I have to travel and work outside the house

This is a massive red flag

Not good signs for the future

pinkyredrose · 14/07/2022 11:17

Dreamer2020 · 14/07/2022 11:13

Thanks

I’ve been trying to get another job as my home based one is making me very stressed ou. He said he doesn’t think it’s a good idea to get a job where I have to travel and work outside the house

Why doesn't he think it's a good idea?

Original poster
Dreamer2020 · 14/07/2022 11:22

He doesn’t want me to have to go to a work place to work. Before the pandemic I was working in an office away from home , but now we r still working from home .

OP posts:
Rainbowbaby13 · 14/07/2022 11:28

Dreamer2020 · 14/07/2022 11:22

He doesn’t want me to have to go to a work place to work. Before the pandemic I was working in an office away from home , but now we r still working from home .

Because you'll meet new people have work friends go for work drinks with people he doesn't know

Justleaveitblankthen · 14/07/2022 11:38

Please tell me you don't have any children with this cohersive controller?

Edwardoo · 14/07/2022 11:51

Why does he say it's not a good idea?

drlel · 14/07/2022 12:10

Dreamer2020 · 14/07/2022 11:13

Thanks

I’ve been trying to get another job as my home based one is making me very stressed ou. He said he doesn’t think it’s a good idea to get a job where I have to travel and work outside the house

This is the biggest red flag

pinkyredrose · 14/07/2022 12:12

Dreamer2020 · 14/07/2022 11:22

He doesn’t want me to have to go to a work place to work. Before the pandemic I was working in an office away from home , but now we r still working from home .

Why though? What's the issue?

bloodyunicorns · 14/07/2022 12:53

Dreamer2020 · 14/07/2022 11:13

Thanks

I’ve been trying to get another job as my home based one is making me very stressed ou. He said he doesn’t think it’s a good idea to get a job where I have to travel and work outside the house

Why not? This is a massive red flag. He wants you at home with him, not meeting anyone new.

Maybe you'd have more confidence if you left him...

Original poster
Dreamer2020 · 14/07/2022 14:21

Yes he does get a bit funny if I meet friends then I feel terrible fit going out

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 14/07/2022 14:34

Dreamer2020 · 14/07/2022 14:21

Yes he does get a bit funny if I meet friends then I feel terrible fit going out

Wtf? He's not your fucking jailer! Does he ever go out anywhere and do you give him a hard time?

Spending life with a jealous possessive excuse of a 'man' is the fastest way to have a life you hate

What's your housing situation, rented, joint names etc?

Original poster
Dreamer2020 · 14/07/2022 14:35

House is in partner name not in mine etc

OP posts: