Would most people find long term single status really fucking difficult?

[Dieselfungus]

ive Been long term single (late 20s now, not had a serious relationship) and all my friends and family are happily coupled up. When they were single they were a mess! I am a bit of a mess, feel all over the place yet feel judged for it by then. I kind of want to shake them and let them know how fucking hard it is day to day to juggle everything by myself with no potential help from anyone else. Some of my coupled up friends were awful when they were single, could be emotionally cruel and were tbh a bit incapable of looking after themselves. And yet I find them quite judgemental now of me

I've been single since I had DD 13years ago, the hardest thing I find is people always thinking I must be desperate for a man and trying to set me up with their brothers best mates builders plumber etc. I'm just about keeping my own world ticking over I dont need to add someone elses drama to it.

I think your friends have got a shock to come quite frankly. It's a lie that a man will save you. It doesn't often happen. What does often happen are big decisions like mortgages and children and getting tied into a lifestyle that is not what you thought it would be. Then you're on your own. They need to take heed of their backbones and open their eyes and get a bit more used to it.

Why on earth should it be hard being single many people manage and also prefer to be single .

If you say you are a mess what is going to attract someone to you if you want a partner .

All very over dramatic

I’ve been single for 5 years 28-33 I do feel unusual as in I don’t know anyone else in real life that’s been single for so long at my age (yes I know much older people) and most people my age age coupled up or dating

Single life is really fucking hard. No one else is going to do those dishes, pay that bill, find a better insurance deal, pick up the slack when you’re under the weather, take you out for dinner or plan you a lovely birthday surprise. I don’t know if your friends really are judging or if you just feel a bit defensive because you’re working so hard to keep everything going but you only deserve support.

Depends what you mean by a bit of a mess.
Many young adults find it difficult to look after themselves when they first leave home. But by your late twenties I would have expected you to have figured that out.

I've been single for almost 3 years currently. Was single for about 7/8 years before too. Some things can be harder than being in a couple. Some are easier.
I don't think it's hard day to day though. Maybe I'm just used to it.

@cannibalvalley i think I have ADHD which is probably the crux of it tbh

Being single is sooooo much easier than constantly having to negotiate with someone else. Yes, you do have to figure out things like insurance on your own, but lots of married people complain about having to handle all the "mental load" too. When you are happy in yourself and your situation, you will be most likely to attract someone to you; so try to find your way solo and make it work. Look for the good points. It is a win-win: you become happier while doing this, and more likely to find someone to partner up with.

Cross post there. Point still stands. Figure out the ADHD piece and how to handle that, because you cannot expect someone else to fix everything for you. They could become overwhelmed with the responsibility.

“I kind of want to shake them and let them know how fucking hard it is day to day to juggle everything by myself with no potential help from anyone else.”

^Help doing what exactly????? When I was single it was the easiest time of my life.

Emotional support, someone to chat about our days with, cook dinner together - that kind of thing

@Dieselfungus sorry to hear that.
Do your friends understand? Or do they just think you are immature?

And it can be harder having to negotiate things with a partner.

Hang around the relationships board for a while OP. You'll see that a lot of women are in unhappy or abusive relationships, they say they can't tell their friends, and they're scared to be alone.

@cannibalvalley probs just immature even though in a lot of facets in my life I’m probably doing pretty well. I’d rather not tell them, I’d prefer to get a handle on whatever it is that’s troubling me independently

I've been single since my mid 20s. I've been on a few dates over the years, but never felt comfortable and in my mid 30s gave myself permission to stop looking. I've felt so much better since. There are times when it would be nice to have a partner (dealing with a difficult situation with my house - would be nice to have an equally involved individual to split the work/support) but generally I am very happy. Thankfully people have stopped saying variations on the theme of "You'll meet the right person one day" and now I only know one smug-married couple who believe that it isn't possible for anyone to be happy without a partner. People get less judgy/condescending as you get older (or maybe I got better at ignoring them)!

I’ve been single all my life (36).
I agree it is hard work, but I still don’t think I could survive in a relationship, not with the rigid rules everybody seems to have.

I think single people should be applauded, it’s not easy.
The world is sadly still very, very amatonormativity.

I really don’t understand what the fuss is about and people can be very judgemental and think there is ”something wrong with single people”.

I’m not sure why your friends were a mess, what does that mean?

And people who are cruel to single people are not your friends, nor good people.
They’re highly insecure.

I disagree. No nagging, nobody else's feeling to consider, freedom to do what I want when I want.

How is it hard to be single?
Genuinely confused. I’m assuming you don’t have kids?

I just find these kind of messages so tone-deaf.

The loneliness, not being anyone’s person, no companionship, kind of empty to live just for yourself, no one cares about you, society doesn’t really like women being single, rude people. A lot of people think there’s something ’wrong with you being single’. Day to day life - always alone.
Watching other people being happy in their relationship, celebrating them - when your so lonely. Double income.
list goes on and on.

Vast majority of people want to be in relationship, why are you playing obtuse?

I personally find being single much less stressful than being in a relationship - the only time I've really struggled was when my son's mental health was very poor, I really missed his dad then.

But overall I find it much easier not having to compromise on stuff, and making decisions that suit me best. If I want to live like a slob then I can hire a cleaner or clean it up myself. Equally if I want a nice tidy place I don't have to worry about anyone else mucking it up.

I do have people in my life though that I can lean on for emotional support - maybe that's what you need to develop? Just being able to message someone and say "Today's been crap! So-and-so did this, I'm so pissed off" helps me blow off steam.

With the ADHD, have you got coping strategies for that?

I've not read all the replies OP but wanted to post because we sound very similar. I am also late 20s and have been single for the last 4 years, also have ADHD and would describe myself as a very big mess 😂😂 just wanted to pop on and say hello and that you can PM me if you ever want to chat 😊

I get you, OP: it’s hard doing everything on your own, even if you’re v independent (like I was when I was single), it just gets a bit much sometimes, not having someone to share the burdens of life and even the happy stuff in life. I do find life with my DH much easier than when I was single. He has my back and always makes sure I’m ok. I think those saying ‘just look at the relationship pages to see how many women are unhappy in relationships’ are doing you a disservice. You are right that being in a functioning, stable relationship does take the harshness out of life. And I say this as someone who was content with being single when I met my DH.

Being in a good relationship where you have similarish views on lots of things is easier. But it is not as simple as saying being single is harder.

So having two people who cook meals rather than one, is easier.
But it sounds like OP struggles with life anyway. And a good relationship is not about one adult looking after another adult.
I understand why, but I think that is what the OP wants.
You also sound lonely. Do you need some new single friends?