Can I start by saying I’m in a hugely sad and vulnerable place so if you read this and your reaction is to tell me I’m a vile human being / wannabe homewrecker then it’s nothing I haven’t already felt about myself.
I find myself in a third consecutive relationship (over a 5 year period) where I am the ‘other woman’ to a married man. The pattern keeps repeating itself. The relationships have been of varying lengths (the longest over 2 years and nearly broke me) each time ending in stalemate and a civil relationship with the man. Both men are still vaguely in my social circle but I have no feelings for them any longer.
my own long term relationship (proper! Not affair!) ended several years ago as we ended up more as companions. But there was some overlap with affair no 1 and no 2. Affair partner no 2 was a big part of my relationship breaking down, although I didn’t recognise that at the time.
I now find myself 4 months into a deja vu situation. This man, as have the others, is older, claims his marriage is over (and as a first there are no children involved which I suppose has given me hope). We have had an extremely intense 4 months and I have fallen head over heels. It has genuinely felt like a soulmate situation. He has told me that we will be together but he can’t give a timescale. He’s never going to leave, is he? Over recent days and weeks I’m finding myself more and more frustrated and embarrassed that here I am again, allowing myself to be a bit on the side. Knowing he has social plans with his wife at the weekend and holidays planned. I feel depressed and demoralised. I know I should end this but why do I keep falling in to these traps??? And why am I never ever good enough as the initial promise of me?
Thank you to anyone who has read this ramble.