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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Should I message again?

94 replies

FortonServices · 02/07/2022 08:25

Have been OLD. Met a guy, started messaging 3 months ago. Met up about 10 weeks ago. We started sleeping together a month ago. Went for a weekend away last weekend. He's been a bit cold this week in that he hasn't been messaging as often as usual. He's had a lot on at work, so I was fine with that. We messaged Thursday morning (just, morning how are you? Have a good day etc). Didn't hear anything else all day. Messaged him yesterday morning to see if he wants to meet on Sunday. He hasn't read it or replied. Should I message again? Wonder if I'm being ghosted.

OP posts:
fedup078 · 02/07/2022 08:26

I wouldn't
And yes it sounds like you are being ghosted
Sorry op I don't know why people are such cowards these days

RhiRhi1996 · 02/07/2022 08:27

No, I wouldn't message again. I'd try and get on with your life, live it as if you have been ghosted. Cold responses leading to eventual ignoring is not a good sign.

Give him time, maybe he has been busy. If so he will reply. Or, he is ghosting you. But messaging again, makes you look desperate & needy!

Original poster
FortonServices · 02/07/2022 08:32

It's really shitty behaviour. We even had a chat a few weeks ago, agreeing to be exclusive.

I don't mind being ghosted if I haven't put any effort in. But we seemed to be getting along. It was his idea to book a last minute weekend away. After 3 months I think I deserve an explanation. You're right though, I don't want to seem desperate.

(It was really good sex though).

OP posts:
Aprilx · 02/07/2022 08:33

I’d leave it too. Doesn’t sound like it was going anywhere.

fedup078 · 02/07/2022 08:34

I was ghosted after 15 months and we worked in the same office
He had been banging on about marriage the week before he cut me off
🤷‍♀️

seaUrchinOne · 02/07/2022 08:40

I wouldn't message again to ask him out, I would send a message to say, something along the lines of, Hi, With the lack of communication recently, I can't see this going anywhere, I'm looking for someone with more enthusiasm to date so I will be drawing to a end there.
Get yourself back OLD.

Dominuse · 02/07/2022 08:44

fedup078 · 02/07/2022 08:34

I was ghosted after 15 months and we worked in the same office
He had been banging on about marriage the week before he cut me off
🤷‍♀️

Lucky escape there

FetchezLaVache · 02/07/2022 08:46

What a wanker. Just block his number, unless he's been in a coma there's no excuse for this.

Tillsforthrills · 02/07/2022 08:47

Don’t message at all!

You’ll see if he was busy or if he’s ghosting over the next week or so.

Original poster
FortonServices · 02/07/2022 08:56

If he's not reading my messages then he may have blocked me.

OP posts:
Original poster
FortonServices · 02/07/2022 08:59

He even started introducing me to his friends, over the last few weeks.

OP posts:
ADHDgirls · 02/07/2022 09:00

FortonServices · 02/07/2022 08:56

If he's not reading my messages then he may have blocked me.

If it’s on what’s app with 1 tick and you can’t see his profile pic that likely means blocked. If it’s showing 2 ticks then he’s just ignoring you.

If it’s iMessage and says delivered you’ve not been blocked.

Original poster
FortonServices · 02/07/2022 09:01

It's WhatsApp. 2 grey ticks to say delivered. The last 2 messages - ticks haven't turned blue. I can see his profile pic.

OP posts:
Tothepoint99 · 02/07/2022 09:22

Not blocked but has swiped your messages away.

Move on I think. Sorry.

Original poster
FortonServices · 02/07/2022 09:30

fedup078 · 02/07/2022 08:34

I was ghosted after 15 months and we worked in the same office
He had been banging on about marriage the week before he cut me off
🤷‍♀️

Wow, that's really shitty.

OP posts:
Misstes · 02/07/2022 09:40

Don’t message again, if he can treat you like that then he isn’t worthy of you.

OutDamnedSpot · 02/07/2022 09:40

What a dickhead.

Don’t message again (yet!)

Head up, make plans with your friends (or on your own) for the time you’d offered him.

Personally, I wouldn’t block him; I’d wait to see if he replied. If he’d not replied by the end of Sunday, I’d have to send one last “That was bloody rude. All you had to do was be honest…” type message, but that’s probably not great advice 😅

reature · 02/07/2022 09:48

The grey ticks are either he's deleted without reading or he's changed his privacy settings so you can't see when he was "last seen" plus the 2 ticks never turn blue even if message read (except on group chats when they go blue when everyone has read the message)

Lovemusic33 · 02/07/2022 09:58

This seems to happen a lot. I’m guessing he’s had 2nd thought after spending a weekend together? This doesn’t mean you have done anything wrong, it just maybe that your not compatible but he’s not man enough to tell you (doesn’t know how). I am in a similar situation with someone I met, I’m finding it hard not to message but I also don’t want to seem desperate. If someone wants to be with you then they will make it clear, he can’t even be bothered to read or reply to your message so I would leave it. Try and find something to keep yourself busy and your mind off of him.

Original poster
FortonServices · 02/07/2022 10:50

Personally, I wouldn’t block him; I’d wait to see if he replied. If he’d not replied by the end of Sunday, I’d have to send one last “That was bloody rude. All you had to do was be honest…” type message, but that’s probably not great advice 😅

I think it's good advice. I'll leave it until Monday, then send a not desperate but a you're rude and I'm no longer interested message. Something like " hope you had a nice weekend, I got last minute tickets to a gig with friends etc then btw you're rude and now you've shown me this, I'm no longer interested".

OP posts:
Original poster
FortonServices · 02/07/2022 10:51

After 3 months, I think he needs calling out on his behaviour tbh.

OP posts:
Ilosthim · 02/07/2022 12:13

He definitely does need calling out but be mindful how you react. Don't lose dignity, don't show you are bothered. He clearly isn't. Sorry OP, i know how much this hurts. Xx

forgotoldusername · 02/07/2022 18:35

Keep your dignity OP, he will expect a message. The best revenge is to just live your life happily. Keep dating and in a few months you'll have forgotten about him. And he will probably reappear at some point

Viviennemary · 02/07/2022 18:43

I might message again because I like things cut and dried. I know you probably shouldn't. But he might not answer again and that would make things worse. Still then at least you would know then you could block him.

girlmom21 · 02/07/2022 18:44

reature · 02/07/2022 09:48

The grey ticks are either he's deleted without reading or he's changed his privacy settings so you can't see when he was "last seen" plus the 2 ticks never turn blue even if message read (except on group chats when they go blue when everyone has read the message)

Or he just hasn't been on WhatsApp?

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