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Original poster

Should I message again?

94 replies

FortonServices · 02/07/2022 08:25

Have been OLD. Met a guy, started messaging 3 months ago. Met up about 10 weeks ago. We started sleeping together a month ago. Went for a weekend away last weekend. He's been a bit cold this week in that he hasn't been messaging as often as usual. He's had a lot on at work, so I was fine with that. We messaged Thursday morning (just, morning how are you? Have a good day etc). Didn't hear anything else all day. Messaged him yesterday morning to see if he wants to meet on Sunday. He hasn't read it or replied. Should I message again? Wonder if I'm being ghosted.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/07/2022 18:45

"Calling him out" is absurd. He will not give a shit about anything you have to say, and he'll have a laugh over you making a fool of yourself. Maintain your dignity and just block the fucker.

LondonWolf · 02/07/2022 18:47

Aquamarine1029 · 02/07/2022 18:45

"Calling him out" is absurd. He will not give a shit about anything you have to say, and he'll have a laugh over you making a fool of yourself. Maintain your dignity and just block the fucker.

This. He won't care and you'll look back and cringe at yourself. If the ticks have remained grey then he may have muted and archived you so that he won't be seeing any messages anyway.

theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity · 02/07/2022 18:50

FortonServices · 02/07/2022 10:51

After 3 months, I think he needs calling out on his behaviour tbh.

Sadly if he's the type who can do this calling him out won't make a shred of difference
I really hate men tbh

Donaldduck22 · 02/07/2022 18:53

I got ghosted and then called him out on it and he apologised and admitted it was shitty behavior. I was really glad I'd called him out on it, its not okay. Don't message him again unless it's to call him out on his poor behaviour and as long as you do this in a dignified way you won't regret it.

SaltySalad · 02/07/2022 18:54

How was the weekend away?

HermioneIsMyHomegirl · 02/07/2022 18:55

The last guy I dated before I met my husband ghosted me. Over my birthday - didn't even get a message on the day. In sheer frustration I texted him along the lines of 'I'm a big girl and can cope if you've changed your mind but ignoring me until i go away is worse than cowardly'. That did apparently shame him in to calling to say it wasn't what he was looking for, and honestly, I felt better for pushing for that confirmation. And guilting him.

in your situation I'd probably give another couple of days then send him a shitogram.

ineedafairygodmother · 02/07/2022 19:14

You said in your original post OP that he had been busy with work, maybe he is genuinely busy with work and hasn't read your message? Or saw the message but didn't read as was busy and didn't have time to respond and then forgot? Possibly left his phone somewhere? Turned on silent so he can get on with work without being disturbed? I know it's easy to jump to the conclusion of being ghosted but you only messaged yesterday, I'd give it a couple more days and see if he replies. Can you see when he was last active on WhatsApp?

OompaLoompaa · 02/07/2022 19:17

I wouldn’t message again, he knows how to contact you if he wants to.

theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity · 02/07/2022 19:37

Donaldduck22 · 02/07/2022 18:53

I got ghosted and then called him out on it and he apologised and admitted it was shitty behavior. I was really glad I'd called him out on it, its not okay. Don't message him again unless it's to call him out on his poor behaviour and as long as you do this in a dignified way you won't regret it.

But they already know that
It changes nothing

MissMaple82 · 02/07/2022 19:42

Sorry, but your being ghosted. Move on

AuntieStella · 02/07/2022 19:56

girlmom21 · 02/07/2022 18:44

Or he just hasn't been on WhatsApp?

Show quote history

If not blocked, then OP will be able to see if he's been on.

So either he's not opened the message yet, or he's deleted it without opening.

Neither of which are actions of someone keen on you (unless you know for sure they have genuine crisis or are insanely busy - but tbh someone would at least let you know that was the case)

I'd do nothing for a week or so.

Then if you think it would help you, send one message for closure. I think seaUrchin's suggestion is better than mentioning gig tickets

coolcahuna · 02/07/2022 20:02

It's horrible when this happens
I'm the same as you and need closure so would definitely send a good bye text at the end of the weekend if you've not heard from him.

Then delete his number so you don't care if he reads it it or not. He will resurface, they always do

ShahRukhKhan · 02/07/2022 20:03

'He'll laugh at you and think you're cringe if you message him' ---honestly who gives a shit what he does and thinks? If he's ghosting you then he's a loser anyway. You do whatever makes you feel better, be that message or not message. Don't live your life according to how other people may or may not perceive you. Do whatever you want to do.

abbey44 · 02/07/2022 20:22

I thought I’d been ghosted by one guy I’d been getting on with - similar story WhatsApp message ticks didn’t turn blue - and it later turned out he’d died suddenly (heart attack I think). So, you know, there could be another explanation, although I’m not saying it’s a likely one in this case. Rudeness and cowardice is probably the reason here. Don’t message again, it’s not worth it.

TripleSeptic · 02/07/2022 20:42

Does he sell cars? End of Q2 this week, no one speaks to anyone the last week of June. Its survival mode. If I didn't live with my husband I wouldn't have seen him.

baileys6904 · 02/07/2022 20:44

Fucking hell, I leave my DPs messages unread and also my best mates of 40+ years on occasion. It means I'm either busy, distracted or just not feeling talkative.
Then again he may have just lost his phone. People are too busy on here to catastrophise and whilst it's awful that soem women have experienced ghosting, there's a huge proportion that haven't and also a wide range of reasons your messages may not have been of which, of course ghosting is one of them.
OP, is there a reason you haven't rung him?

baileys6904 · 02/07/2022 20:46

Oh and I've been with my dp for 10 years.

Scorpio8 · 02/07/2022 20:53

FortonServices · 02/07/2022 08:25

Have been OLD. Met a guy, started messaging 3 months ago. Met up about 10 weeks ago. We started sleeping together a month ago. Went for a weekend away last weekend. He's been a bit cold this week in that he hasn't been messaging as often as usual. He's had a lot on at work, so I was fine with that. We messaged Thursday morning (just, morning how are you? Have a good day etc). Didn't hear anything else all day. Messaged him yesterday morning to see if he wants to meet on Sunday. He hasn't read it or replied. Should I message again? Wonder if I'm being ghosted.

He got what he wanted and just gone cold. Don't like men like this because they are awful.
The chasing stops ones you start sleeping with them. The texts become less and once your attached it's like your crazy.
Follow his lead back off too.

TolkiensFallow · 02/07/2022 20:55

How was the weekend away?

I do think he’s ghosting you and if he isn’t then it’s a sign of what’s to come if he thinks he can just ignore you when he’s stressed at work.

I’d give it a week and then text and say that you thought it his behaviour was disrespectful to you.

Molly876 · 02/07/2022 21:00

I've recently been ghosted. I was upset at first and suprisingly after about a week I'm over it! I consider myself dodging a bullet and I haven't tried messaging again.
I wouldn't text him. He knows where you are and if does come crawling back in a week or so I'd ignore him personally.

DivorcedAndDelighted · 02/07/2022 21:31

seaUrchinOne · 02/07/2022 08:40

I wouldn't message again to ask him out, I would send a message to say, something along the lines of, Hi, With the lack of communication recently, I can't see this going anywhere, I'm looking for someone with more enthusiasm to date so I will be drawing to a end there.
Get yourself back OLD.

This is a really good response. Makes it clear that this is unacceptable behaviour, rather than just blocking so they can kid themselves that you ghosted them.

OpalShimmer · 02/07/2022 21:37

People are busy, but they make time for what they want. He’s just not interested. If he really likes you, he’d text or call you.

Been there…set yourself a goal of not texting, say 48 hours. Then extend it. He’ll either text or won’t, either way he’s telling you who he is. Believe him!

BBfifteen · 02/07/2022 21:41

I had this after dating a guy for 5 yrs..to say it’s damaging is an understatement.
latest guy had an episode of ignoring me and was surprised when I ended things. The way I see it is you should both be v keen early on. He’s now realised he’s made a mistake and is messaging..karma and all means he’s blown it.
mid leave it till tomorrow but tbh I did it really rude and it only takes 2 seconds to send a message these days

Original poster
FortonServices · 02/07/2022 21:49

Well he's messaged to see if I'm still free tomorrow. I said I'm not. I hadn't heard back from him so I'd made other plans. He apologised and asked me for dinner on Tuesday.

Benefit of the doubt this time but if it happens again, I'm out.

OP posts:
CrystalCoco · 02/07/2022 21:55

No no no!!!
No benefit of the doubt!!!

If you're into someone you let them know that, you behave like you're into them and you don't leave them wondering all weekend - like he's done.
God knows what he's been up to and I'm guessing you're not gonna rock the boat and ask him...
It's a no from me x
ps could you imagine having done this to him? No, because you like him!!