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Original poster

Should I message again?

94 replies

FortonServices · 02/07/2022 08:25

Have been OLD. Met a guy, started messaging 3 months ago. Met up about 10 weeks ago. We started sleeping together a month ago. Went for a weekend away last weekend. He's been a bit cold this week in that he hasn't been messaging as often as usual. He's had a lot on at work, so I was fine with that. We messaged Thursday morning (just, morning how are you? Have a good day etc). Didn't hear anything else all day. Messaged him yesterday morning to see if he wants to meet on Sunday. He hasn't read it or replied. Should I message again? Wonder if I'm being ghosted.

OP posts:
Molly876 · 02/07/2022 22:04

CrystalCoco · 02/07/2022 21:55

No no no!!!
No benefit of the doubt!!!

If you're into someone you let them know that, you behave like you're into them and you don't leave them wondering all weekend - like he's done.
God knows what he's been up to and I'm guessing you're not gonna rock the boat and ask him...
It's a no from me x
ps could you imagine having done this to him? No, because you like him!!

I agree with this. If a guy is really into you they don't leave you hanging. The things I've put up with in the past is unbelievable. Don't be me. At the very least you should of waited to respond and left him wondering until tomorrow.

Ottersmith · 02/07/2022 22:27

FortonServices · 02/07/2022 10:51

After 3 months, I think he needs calling out on his behaviour tbh.

Yeah call him a fucking idiot then block him.

Clementine183 · 02/07/2022 22:34

Dear me. He messaged the day before yesterday, went quiet for a day or two and has now messaged apologising for not replying sooner and suggesting taking her out on Tuesday. Really not that outrageous.

Thethingswedoforlove · 02/07/2022 22:39

I think you have handled it perfectly
op. Why wouldn’t you give the benefit of the doubt given he apologised and you have had a good time together so far. See what happens. No more chances perhaps but he might not need any! Enjoy Tuesday

OompaLoompaa · 03/07/2022 09:19

I think you handled it well OP and as you say he gets one more chance.
The not hearing back from him and therefore being unsure if you are seeing him on Sunday (today) would piss me off. It was per sumptuous of him to think you could may still be free on the weekend to see him after taking that long to reply.

Hurstlandshome · 03/07/2022 09:42

Still unsure why you hadn't called him? Three months in/exclusive chat etc - if your relationship hasn't moved on from texting, doesn't show much depth.

Pleased he contacted you though. You were definitely right to keep your cool. Hope this is just a blip, and if it happens again just leave it; no double texts/no calling people out just head high and move on.

Hope Tuesday goes well.

Original poster
FortonServices · 03/07/2022 09:45

I'll see what he's like on Tuesday. I won't make any further plans with him, I'll wait for him to do it. I'll send my usual "home safe, thanks for a nice night" then leave the ball in his court.

OP posts:
TibetanTerrah · 03/07/2022 09:49

He will expect a message, but if you ghost him right back he will be surprised that you don't seem to care much. His ego will be dented that apparently you just weren't that into him after all.

By messaging a semi angry message he will put you in the crazy category and think he dodged a bullet.

Original poster
FortonServices · 03/07/2022 09:49

It was just over 2 days with no contact, which is abnormal. We usually message in the mornings and evenings. I think I'm going to back off and only respond, rather than instigating and see what happens.

OP posts:
Scorpio8 · 03/07/2022 09:55

FortonServices · 03/07/2022 09:49

It was just over 2 days with no contact, which is abnormal. We usually message in the mornings and evenings. I think I'm going to back off and only respond, rather than instigating and see what happens.

Yes think you should just do that.

YouDoYouHun · 03/07/2022 21:06

theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity · 02/07/2022 18:50

Sadly if he's the type who can do this calling him out won't make a shred of difference
I really hate men tbh

Show quote history

I agree. Any further messages you send he will just ignore and not care....unless there's some sort of explanation, short of a family member suddenly being taken ill I'm not sure what could excuse him

YouDoYouHun · 03/07/2022 21:09

YouDoYouHun · 03/07/2022 21:06

I agree. Any further messages you send he will just ignore and not care....unless there's some sort of explanation, short of a family member suddenly being taken ill I'm not sure what could excuse him

Show quote history

Just read the update sorry, no explanation from him? I wouldn't see him Tuesday personally. He's shown you you are are low on his priorities and by accepting his rubbish treatment you are showing him that's OK and he will end up doing it again

ArtistViv · 03/07/2022 21:47

If it were me, I wouldn't be sleeping with him again until he made me his exclusive gf. And I wouldn't be going exclusive with him until I was certain (as one can be), that he's worth it.

I'm not saying to play games, but I am saying to take a step back and really get to know him, 3 months is very early days isn't it. There's a lot of men out there who will happily take the leg over without commitment, and I'd be wanting to know if he's one of those types if I were in your situation. When we sleep with them, usually we just get more attached. Don't head down that road again with him unless you know the dude is really worth getting those feelings for.

Regarding his lack of comms which was out of sync with how it had previously been, for sure he may well have just been very busy, or something happened in his life, or it may be that you're not much of a priority (those situations suck the life out of us!). Time will tell. Go, have fun and enjoy the date, but slow the pace; give him the space to show you who he really is, and what he's really about and what his intentions are. Words are important, but do they, and will they match his actions?

His future actions are key information about who he is with regards to you and him.

JustKittenAround · 03/07/2022 23:57

Molly876 · 02/07/2022 22:04

I agree with this. If a guy is really into you they don't leave you hanging. The things I've put up with in the past is unbelievable. Don't be me. At the very least you should of waited to respond and left him wondering until tomorrow.

Show quote history

i agree as well!

wish I could have told past me this.

also I’d say in the future you needn’t call anyone out. Just walk away. Calling them out comes off so desperate…, yes I’ve called out people in the past and I just feel sick that I didn’t value myself to see what was right in front of me.

Men value who they invest in. He is already managing down expectations. Just be careful.

Iflyaway · 04/07/2022 00:11

Oh and I've been with my dp for 10 years.

So you know all about the singles dating scene, eh? 😅

theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity · 04/07/2022 14:03

Iflyaway · 04/07/2022 00:11

Oh and I've been with my dp for 10 years.

So you know all about the singles dating scene, eh? 😅

😂😂just like a 'have a spa day' comment

DivorcedAndDelighted · 04/07/2022 14:05

I disagree with some PP about not calling it out if he does this again. It depends on your personality and if you want to have your say, do it and feel proud. If you just ghost and don't call it out, they can tell themselves whatever story they want. If you call it out, you are making it crystal clear that you have standards, rather than being desperate. The times I've called it out have been the times I walked away with my head held high afterwards, and I look back now and feel proud. But there's no rule book on this - do what suits your personality. Just be clear on what you will and won't accept, and stick to it.

Buythebag40 · 04/07/2022 14:33

Sorry but I'm going to go against the grain and say it all sounds a bit intense to me!

I'm usually the first one to say "ltb" but you've only been dating for 3 months!
Maybe this is the modern way (I'm 41!) but it'd have me running for the hills if a guy got arsey because he didn't hear from me for 3-4 days (especially if I'd told him I was busy with work). In the first 6 months or so of my relationship with dh (we've been together 20 years so this was in the days of the Nokia brick which only texted and made calls) we would meet up maybe twice a week and text a couple of times in between. Once we had said I love you and become a proper couple we still only saw one another at weekends and maybe once in the week as we both worked and had our own friends/social lives.

It all seems very fast these days!

I wouldn't t message him again, let him reply to you - but I would stop obsessing over it and just get on with your life. It's not healthy to be so invested in a guy you've been seeing for 3 months - can't you just treat it as a bit of fun for a while until you've actually got to know one another?

SistersRdoingit4themselves · 04/07/2022 15:04

I wouldnt message him at all. Do nothing.

theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity · 04/07/2022 17:13

DivorcedAndDelighted · 04/07/2022 14:05

I disagree with some PP about not calling it out if he does this again. It depends on your personality and if you want to have your say, do it and feel proud. If you just ghost and don't call it out, they can tell themselves whatever story they want. If you call it out, you are making it crystal clear that you have standards, rather than being desperate. The times I've called it out have been the times I walked away with my head held high afterwards, and I look back now and feel proud. But there's no rule book on this - do what suits your personality. Just be clear on what you will and won't accept, and stick to it.

You can show you have standards by cutting contact and telling them to get fucked when they inevitably come crawling back
Whining on how horrible they are is a waste of time they already know this and definitely get a kick out of knowing they've upset you

LadyOfTheCanyon · 04/07/2022 17:18

I do understand the "leave with your head held high" philosophy but more than that, I think Men like this need calling out. Otherwise it validates and encourages the sort of shit behaviour we would never tolerate from those close to us/ encourage in our children.

Women should not have to be the gatekeepers of Male behaviour. But I think you are doing other women a disservice if you don't pull him up on this.

LadyOfTheCanyon · 04/07/2022 17:19

DivorcedAndDelighted · 04/07/2022 14:05

I disagree with some PP about not calling it out if he does this again. It depends on your personality and if you want to have your say, do it and feel proud. If you just ghost and don't call it out, they can tell themselves whatever story they want. If you call it out, you are making it crystal clear that you have standards, rather than being desperate. The times I've called it out have been the times I walked away with my head held high afterwards, and I look back now and feel proud. But there's no rule book on this - do what suits your personality. Just be clear on what you will and won't accept, and stick to it.

Just seen this - exactly what I mean. 👏🏻 👏🏻👏🏻

Youcansaythatagainandagain · 04/07/2022 17:25

theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity · 04/07/2022 17:13

You can show you have standards by cutting contact and telling them to get fucked when they inevitably come crawling back
Whining on how horrible they are is a waste of time they already know this and definitely get a kick out of knowing they've upset you

Show quote history

Having done both at various times to the same man, I can guarantee you will feel much better about yourself in the months to come if you cut contact and ignore them.

Don't send the text telling them how 'mean and unkind' they are. They know, they don't give a shit.

Ignore them and they WILL come back. And THEN tell them to get fcuked. You will feel a thousand times better than remembering the embarrassing text you could have sent scolding them!

Fushiadreams · 04/07/2022 17:30

Oh op…he’s rude, he’s ghosted,..whoop he has asked me out, im back in!

theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity · 04/07/2022 18:24

Exactly we shouldn't be treating them like kids telling them off they are grown adults and know damn well they are acting disgusting the best way of them learning is not being there when they come back thinking they will have another shot