Should I message again?

[FortonServices]

Have been OLD. Met a guy, started messaging 3 months ago. Met up about 10 weeks ago. We started sleeping together a month ago. Went for a weekend away last weekend. He's been a bit cold this week in that he hasn't been messaging as often as usual. He's had a lot on at work, so I was fine with that. We messaged Thursday morning (just, morning how are you? Have a good day etc). Didn't hear anything else all day. Messaged him yesterday morning to see if he wants to meet on Sunday. He hasn't read it or replied. Should I message again? Wonder if I'm being ghosted.

Some of the comments on this thread make me feel like I'm living in a parallel universe. He didn't reply to a message for about 48 hours, then messaged to ask if OP was still free, apologised when she said she wasn't and asked her out for a date a couple of days later... does this really count as "ghosting"?! Let alone rude, disgusting, hateful etc. 😶I mean it wasn't ideal, but hardly a sacking offence on the first occasion I wouldn't have thought...

Sad for you. A guy ignores you and can’t even be arsed reading or responding for a couple of days and you, like the op, think it’s fine.

it’s a prime example of why women end up in shitty relationships with guys who don’t care. Becayse they see it and say, meh, it’s not sackable, I’ll take it as he threw me some crumbs

It's different when it's OLD, you know if you don't hear from them much then they are probably out on other dates not taking you seriously. Because another woman is easily accessible. These days with modern technology there is no excuse not to send a quick message, it is different from when pp remembers dating from 20+ years ago and called on a landline occasionally.
We live more fast paced.
Putting up with slow inconsistent communication sets the bar of how it's going to be with him.

No need to whine or say they're mean. Just a plain statement that eg the slow communication means this isn't what I'm looking for.
Though actually I was thinking partly along the same lines as you, ie don't block / delete them, because then you don't have the satisfaction of telling them where to go later. A man once phoned me up while I was at work to ask me out again, some weeks after not replying to my last contact. I still get a warm feeling remembering that call 😂😂. To his credit he did apologise and sound ashamed after I told him why I wouldn't see him again. I know women don't have a duty to educate men, but I liked the feeling of getting the last word and feeling morally superior 🤷‍♀️

Like I say, I can see it's not ideal, but as a first offence three months into dating someone you presumably really like, would people really end it over this? Not just in theory, but also in practice? I just can't imagine most people doing that to be honest. Fair enough if it becomes a repeated pattern, but one time, followed hot on the heels by an apology and a suggestion for another date?

More than anything I just think some of the language being used on the thread feels really extreme! Maybe that's just righteous indignation going a bit far, but...

I’m with you! Sometimes I don’t look at my phone that often. And I can’t bear endless texting. 48 hours really isn’t the crime this thread is making it out to be!

@FortonServices

The 'I don't mind being ghosted' really stood out for me.

You should mind. Everyone should mind, even if it's after one date or a few messages. We are constantly setting the bar so low for people to ghost and it's becoming acceptable. It's absolutely not acceptable at any stage. If you are OLD and the other person isn't right for you, have the maturity to just say so and move on. All this ghosting and people not calling it out just makes it more normal.

Raise your standards OP! I bet you have loads to offer and could do a million times better than this hot/cold situation. Also 3 months is a long time to just be on/off dating ( maybe I'm old fashioned!) but if 2 people like each other and it has legs then jump in :)

When I say I don't mind ghosting, I mean if we've just been messaging and it fizzled out. I find it rude if we've put the effort into meeting up.

Did you go out for dinner?

We're going for dinner tonight.

@Youcansaythatagainandagain is right.
mine came back after I (but he’d like to say he did..that’s fine I’m not fussed!) ended things. I have had great satisfaction at watching him try and turn it back round (but still in an underhanded way that it was my fault but he will forgive type way) and telling him that I am glad HE made the decision and the best of luck..didn’t like it at all.
I wouldn’t treat these men this way. Try and look at it that way!

Steer clear. X

Very much this

all too intense to make a big thing of being busy for a short time. If I were him and you kicked off at me I’d be ending it.

How was dinner OP?

How was your dinner OP?

It was lovely. We had a night away together on Saturday too.

Sounds like you sorted this out. Happy for you.

For goodness sake, just do the same thing back to him sometime. This neediness and overthinking is insane. It was two days! If you start hectoring him about it he will rightly think you are a nut job and back off anyway.

Stay relaxed and independent.