Escort use before relationship

[Conflicted82]

Okay, this might be a bit long winded, but I need to get some other peoples opinions as I keep going over things in my head.

I have just had a baby with my partner who I have been with for two years - he is a wonderful, kind, partner and father, but, prior to meeting me used two escorts here in the UK (fully protected and we’ve both had STI tests).

I feel really ick about this, even though I understand what lead him there - to give context - he was sexually abused by a family member as a child, this has obviously caused a lot of trauma and impacted his whole life. Him and his wife spilt up as he was unable to have sex with her, he was depressed after this and he suffers from anxiety, and he’s seen numerous councillers to discuss how to have a healthy sexual relationship with a partner and talk through what happened to him. He’s taken every step since he revealed the abuse to get better. He’s been through such a lot, so to come through the other side to be who he is now is something he has worked hard on.

Which brings me back to the use of the escorts - they were when he was depressed, and his marriage ended - I suspect he needed to be in control (as he never has been because of what happened to him), prove to himself that he could have sex and I know he thought that sex and a relationship were different because of his experience with his wife - he didn’t think you could have both until he met me. He used to hate sex, he’d have to shower before and after, it caused him anxiety, couldn’t orgasm etc.

And obviously, we all have a past, especially when you get to our age as we aren’t young.

Just needed to hear other people’s thoughts on this. I know I need to get over it, but it bothers me, but the alternative is losing a relationship over something that happened in the past. He literally couldn’t do enough for me and our baby.

Slickshady- it's not the same as acting at all.

Owliac- 'Escorts' are pretty much prostitutes really. All prostitutes aspire to be high class/earn a lot for a call but most don't massively compared to the unpleasantness of the job.

That a bloke's done this is a moral issue but also, it's just gross/sleazy, a turn off.

You've just changed the argument. The question was whether SW is considered less consensual because people engage in it out of financial desperation. To which I argued that on a broad level all work is done because the worker needs the money, and more specifically low-paid work is done out of financial desperation.

Now you're saying something else entirely. That SW is problematic due to its very high-risk nature. While there is clearly a discussion to be had there, it's an entirely different argument than what was said before.

For starters, what if escorts were working out of very secure premises, with extremely safe working conditions, would you then agree that at its core it's no different to an actor doing an intimate scene for money, and if acting is consensual so is SW?

@OldFan

Care to elaborate?

For what it’s worth, I wouldn’t see this as a big deal.

But if you come on here with this sort of question, get ready for War & Peace length responses. No other subject triggers MNers like sex work.

I personally have a much more live and let live and the world is not perfect philosophy. I find it’s much more relaxing.